Went to go rent a movie tonight (the Marx Brothers "Monkey Business") and on my way back, I saw one of my old co-workers across the street at the Elbo Room. Let's just say I put my head straight ahead and walked pretty briskly back home. I'm kind of pissed about it, actually. My coworkers at the old company usually hang out in other neighborhoods, not my 'hood. This is my territory, damnit.

Anyways, so now I'm kind of trapped in my apartment, afraid of going out to like return the movie or take a walk because I'm afraid of running into an ex co-worker. Sadly, this is becoming a common problem these days. I just might have to move away from this city just because there's so many people now I don't want to run into.

Let's see here…..

More bombings in Iraq, more violence in the Middle East, Tony Blair is in serious trouble for making things up about Iraq (imagine that), and Arnie's in trouble for admitting to liking group sex, but all people want to talk about is, OH MY GOD MADONNA AND BRITNEY MADE OUT AT THE MTV VMA AWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course everyone's talking about and of course it's being shown endlessly. Because that was the friggin point of it. Nothing but the desperate maneuverings of a soon-to-be-over-the-hill major star with a bomb of a CD on her hands and a soon-to-be-fifteen-minutes-about-to-be-over pop "icon" with a bomb of a CD about to be released. What else can you do if you have no talent or no new ideas or no audience anymore? You go do something totally "shocking" and meaningless and have everyone lap it up like dogs. God forbid somebody would get any attention for like, maybe coming out with a great CD and finally saving rock n' roll or making it big in hip-hop without singing about bitches, ho's and bling-bling. Hell, Coldplay played and while I don't particularly like them, they do deserve some props, but nobody's talking about them because Chris Martin didn't make out with Gwynnie on the show (which, maybe he should have to garner any attention).

I guess, what I'm saying is the world I'd like to believe in would have given Johnny Cash every damn award at that show not only because his video is frickin' brilliant, but because he's Johnny Fucking Cash. Britney could pose spread eagle in Hustler to sell her new CD but Johnny Cash has more coolness in one of his toe-nail clippings than Britney will ever have. Shouldn't we celebrate the frickin brilliance of the fact that Johnny Fucking Cash did a brilliant video to a brilliant song while knocking on heaven's door instead of too lame publicity ho's kissing each other?

Guess the coffee hasn't kicked in yet…..

All week I'm home sitting around and waiting for recruiters to call me back about possible jobs. Nothing. Lie in bed this morning with my brains coming out of my ears due to a way nasty hangover and the phone's ringing off the hook. Which is good, I guess, but I'd much prefer talking to recruiters about jobs when my apartment isn't spinning and putting sentences together isn't a major ordeal.

Yes, I'm reading the new Harry Potter right now and you know what? It's gooood. Best one so far. In fact, it's so good it's keeping me from-

1- boning up for my Fantasy Football Draft
2- Looking for a job

just because all I want to do is read the damn thing.

I did one of those meet-and-greet, grab a cup of coffee type blind dates today, a set-up from a friend (bless his heart). It lasted half an hour, twenty minutes if you subtract the time it took in which the other person spent all of her time trying to figure out how to make an exit.

I've heard women can tell within a couple of minutes whether or not they're into the guy. Which may be true, but something you'd think they'd grow out of once they hit their thirties. I guess it's kind of cool that she didn't drag it out and waste my time by pretending to be interested, but still, if you've just turned 38 and you're dismissing someone within twenty minutes of a kind-of blind date, it's time to start getting some cats.

Just a word of advice for you job-seekers out there- if you can, do not eat a bowl of chili the night before a (sort of) job interview.

Bad things might happen. Bad, bad things.

So I guess now that the 10 Commandments has been removed from the Alabama courthouse, we're on the verge of finding out if there really is some truth in that whole wrath of God thing. If some judges, lawyers and construction workers suddenly get turned into salt or struck by lightning, then I guess we know that not only is there a God, but playing around with the Ten Commandments is bad. If nothing happens to any of them, guess it's not that big of a deal then.

One of the only few things I remember from Moby Dick, other than it being pretty darn boring, is a scene where a crewman goes man overboard and finds himself alone in the Ocean. While afloat in the water and with the Pequod nowhere to be seen, the sailor stares out into the endless ocean. As he stares out into the huge and endless void that is the ocean, he slowly goes insane.

If you want to know what unemployment is like, it's like that. Except instead of seeing nothing but water, water everywhere, you see nothing but time. Man, do I got too much time on my hands.

This is what it's like- one of the things I can do to occupy my time is do my yoga classes. For the most part, there are classes at 9 am, noon, 6 and 7:30. When I worked, it was easy to know which close to go to- the 7:30 one, right when I got home from work. If I missed going to class it was because I was either stuck at work or because I was too burnt out from work. Now, I find myself not going to class only because I can't decide which class to go to. I could go to the 9, but I've usually been waking up at 8-8:30 and can't get motivated enough to go. Besides, I got plenty of time to go that day. Noon class comes up and I decide not to go to that one because it'll mean not eating lunch and I'm hungry and besides, I still have plenty of time to go to classes that night. Also, I like taking the class at night because that means I technically have something to do that night. Six is too early because then I'll have the rest of the night with nothing to do, so 7:30 it is. But sometimes there is no 7:30 class and sometimes I have every intention of going but then I flip on the TV for a bit and F/X is airing Buffy episodes "Graduation Day I" and "Graduation Day II" back-to-back and I love those episodes. And you know, I could always go the next morning. So the next morning at 9 it is. But then 9 comes and it's a repeat of the day before.

Even small things become huge things. I finally got a haircut today after debating about it for a week. The debate wasn't on whether or not to get a haircut, but when to get a haircut. I could get one anytime I wanted to because I had plenty of time to get one, so why should I go now? I'll just go after I finish reading this Web site. Or reading the third book I've read in a week. Or maybe I'll get one tomorrow because I have nothing to do tomorrow but then when tomorrow comes, I realize I have nothing to do the next day so I decide to do it the next day.

Everyday I wake up and think to myself that since it's beautiful out there, it would be really fun to go hang out in an outdoor café and read and write. Get some sun, get out of the Fortress of Solitude, and go hang out. Just do something. But, of course, why should I go now when I can go in an hour? And if I do it today, then what'll I do tomorrow.

I used to be pretty good at this too- this whole being unemployed, wasting time thing. Hell, I've had plenty of time to practice it. Just, for some reason, I can't remember what I used to do.

I'm so frickin' bored.

Hey, cool-

It's my blog in French

Now who would be doing that (Melle Mel?)

I think I have achieved two new Personal Bests today

1)It took me until 3:30 this afternoon to get motivated enough to take a shower.

2)Since I've been back from Tahoe Sunday night, I have yet to put on shoes.

I would say I'm definately in the Sweatpants Phase of Unemployment except it's too hot to wear sweatpants. Maybe I should come up with a new term- the Sandals Phase.

I spent the weekend up in Tahoe. Friends of mine entered this 24-hour race thingy and I went up to help them out. Well, actually more like spend a lot of time reading by the pool while they did a lot of biking, but I did do a few things.

The gist of the race is that there's a bike race for 24 hours and teams of biker's race it. One team member goes and does a lap and when he/she is done, they hand off some card to the next team member and they go do a lap. This goes on for 24 hours which means that those who are doing it are quite liable to have to get out of their beds at 3 in the morning to go do a serious bike trek up and down a mountain. Crazier than that, there's a few people who do it solo. Instead of doing it as a team and getting the chance to take a few breaks, these people do the entire thing themselves. That's 24 hours on a bike. That's finishing your fifth lap at the end of the sixth hour of the race and knowing that you still have another eighteen hours to go.

This is supposed to be fun.

As I watch, I couldn't help but see a certain appeal to it. It is, after all, the whole pushing yourself to the limit thing. It's taking everything as far as possible, seeing how far you can go, and then pushing it a bit farther. Sometimes I watch and think to myself that maybe I should test myself like that. Get off my fat ass and physically challenge myself. Get in shape, get in gear and let's get physical.

And then I think to myself, "hey, you know, I still haven't seen 'I Love 1978' or 'I Love 1979' on VH-1 yet and I could miss the Bionic Man meets Bigfoot episode retrospective" and the next thing you know, I'm couch-bound.

Hell, my life is an extreme sport. Why would I want to go volunteer to do one?

So Warren Zevon, you know the "Werewolves in London" guy, has a new album out. The thing about the album is that a year ago, he got diagnosed with terminal cancer and wrote the album knowing that he was about to die. In fact, he actually lived much longer than he was supposed to and so was able to finish it.

Now the new album is out and it's getting great reviews. Now, I'm sure it's a great album and I'm kind of intrigued about it, but I'm just wondering, can you really trust all the great reviews for the album? I mean, he's writing this basically on his deathbed. Whose gonna give some guy with terminal cancer a bad review? Do you see anyone saying something like "geez, it's kind of tragic that the guy is dying, but I found the melodies wrote, the lyrics trite, and the album completely uninspiring." Or do you think somebody's gonna say that Zevon hasn't been good since the 70's.

Hell, if Fred Durst came down with something deadly, everyone would hail the next Limp Bizkit album as a work of genius despite the fact we all know it's gonna suck.

Go away for the weekend, find out upon coming back that Israel killed another Hamas leader, Bush is in big trouble in Iraq, Bustamante is now beating Arnie in the polls, and Bobby Bonds, but leave it to the fine folks at MSN to have as their headline the most crucial news event of the weekend- Hilary Duff leaves Lizzie

Due to current recent events involving my employment status, I am considering a career change. After two bad job experiences, I am thinking about a nice, mellow job. You know, like working in a bookstore or a video store. Something where all you do all day is hangout and where nothing stressful ever happens. After all, life is difficult enough without having to deal with megalomaniac head's of companies or emotionally unstable bosses. Who needs a stupid career anyways? Didn't someone once say "ambition bites the nails of success"?, whatever the hell that means.

But where or where to find that kind of a job?

Today, I found it. One of the neighborhood's "alternative" independent bookstores is hiring part-time counter people. Perfect. Of course, I have no actual experience working in bookstores, but how hard can that be? The way I see it that I've worn a polyesther jungle outfit and worked the counter at an Amusement Park one summer. If I can do that, I can handle a bookstore. Hell, I've done food service, damnit.

This being the Mission, however, means that there are a few quirky aspects to the job, aspects that might cause problems in getting hired. The first one actually makes sense- knowledge of books. They even say they're going to test applicants. Easy, right? I was an English Major after all. And I read lots and lots of books. The only problem there is that while I might know my classic literature and Romantic Poets, I'm not quite up on my literature of the Oppressed Third World Masses, Gender Studies Anthologies, or obscure comic books printed at Kinko's.

The other problem is that they're looking for someone who can speak Spanish. Which makes sense, I guess, since the Mission is a Hispanic neighborhood. And, as we all know, Hispanics love their alternative bookstores. Cause most non-English speaking people wanna read Fat Bull Dyke Monthly.

Oh yeah, there's another catch- I know too many frickin' people in this city and I know too many people who hang out in the Mission. Can't think of anything more humiliating than seeing an ex-coworker or some girl who shafted me walk into the store one night and wonder what the hell I'm doing beyond the counter of a book store.

For all three of you who aren't reading this hoping they'd find links for naked pictures of Kelly Ripa, I'm off to the mountains before I get all Travis Bickle-y.

Be back next week.....

Because I have a lot of free time on my hands, I've started getting into Craig's List Casual Encounters. As well, of course, as Missed Connections and Rants & Raves (did I mention I have a lot of free time on my hands?).

For those who haven't perused, it's a bunch of people sending out postings to a board basically looking for nookie. No messing around pretending it's about dating, no pretending it's about finding "the one," it's all about doing the nasty. Basically, someone is sitting there at working, thinking to themselves "hey, I'm horny" and so post something on Craig's List hoping that they're bootylicious dreams will come true (and yes, I'm gonna try and come up with as many euphimisms for sex as possible just because it's funnier than saying sex. And as you'd expect, most of them (or more like all of them) are by men.

The funniest one's are basically the one's that can be summed up like this- hey, I'm horny, fuck me. Some of them are only a sentence or two, as if just by saying "hey, I'm horny, fuck me" is enough for someone to go fuck them.

Anyways, those who do give descriptions always describe themselves as handsome, fit, and great in bed. Which makes sense, of course, because I don't think you'd get anywhere by saying you were a fat, balding premature ejaculator. So, either those fat, balding premature ejaculator's don't go on Casual Encounter's or there's gonna be a lot of ladies (and men) who are going to be awfully disappointed.

Some of those who are looking for a little try and show how great they are by writing erotica. They'll go on for paragraphs describing just what they'll do to the lucky responder of their e-mail. Some of them are a little on the crude side for those who are into crude come-on's, some of them are halfway decent attempts at Penthouse Letters-style literature. And again, it's all an attempt to describe themselves as great lovers. Again, not a lot of people out there saying that it'll be over in a few seconds and that they'll fall asleep right afterwards.

Then there's the whacky stuff. Like the guys who'll get you high if you blow me. One guy even thought that the offer of getting some high should be enough to get him a threesome. You know, you gotta think big. Or there's the married guys who are looking for a little hanky-panky. Or the straight guys who are looking for a little gay sex even though they say over and over and over again that they're not gay.

And if you're a swinger, that's the place to be. Wanna watch a married couple get it on? Casual Encounters is the place to be. A couple looking for a threesome? Again, Casual Encounters? Guys with a fetish for lactating pregnant women? Come on down.

Of course, the amazing thing about all of this is that anyone thinks any of this is going to work. I mean, it can't be that easy. You can't just write an e-mail on some board and get some? Can't you? It can't be that easy, right?

Right?

As the guy on Sportscenter said while showing the highlights of Barry's 2nd walk-off home-run in three days- "that's nuts"

Unbelievable.

And another extremely important headline on MSN.com, this time so important they give it the special "Spotlight" headline and even added a picture-

LOL! Does IM'ing make U dum?

Hey, have we found those WMD in Iraq yet? Just wondering....

With all that's going on in this world, it's good to see that MSN.com is keeping all of it's users up to date with the most vital information of utmost importance.

Let's see, there's….

Why Goofy & Grandiose Job Titles Are Hot

Or how about this fascinating story-

Are Americans idle? See how your region ranks in physical fitness

And then, of course, there's this-

Ashton ditches jury duty

Yes, I admit it. I wanted to be a Zoom kid…..