So I've been taking some time off from blogging and now I'm sort of back. Anything happen in the world while I've been gone?

Jesus Criminy, can we make more of a mess out of things? I mean, things are so bleak right now that even the bloodthirsty popinjay's on Fox are looking depressed. And those who haven't quite seen the light and are still fighting what they think is the good fight are doing so with all the enthusiasm of a crowd at a Mister Mister reunion concert. I've thought I've fucked up at work but lately, I've gotten a whole new perspective on things. I mean, sure, I've had things printed that were wrong, missed deadlines, and not returned e-mails, but I never invaded a country with not nearly enough troops. Or couldn't figure out that Al Qeda was about to fly a plane into a building and then told everyone Iraq had WMDs when they didn't. And if Rummy or Tenet can't get himself fired, how can a company justify firing anyone these days?

Which brings us to John Kerry and why I have a new theory about why a Kerry Presidency will be a good thing. And no, not just because he's Anybody But Bush.

Okay, yes, I'm about as Blue-ish as they come and I'd vote Democrat if they ran a ticket of Kelly Osborne and a Barry Bonds Bobblehead Doll (and, if things continue the way they are, they'd probably win). But still, I can't help admit to the fact that at this point, John Kerry leaves me with a big "meh" feeling. He's boring, an empty suit, seemingly devoid of any original idea, not to mention a douche-bag (on the other hand, his daughter has a nice rack ). All of which is a huge buzz kill considering just how fired up everyone is for someone, anyone, to save us. To lead us out of the woods. And we have only John Kerry to lead us the way.

It's kind of like when you really, really want to go home to see the family and you really, really want some home-cooked meal, like brisket or something. And after flying for ever and ever and putting up with all sorts of travelling BS to get there, you finally make it home only to find that you're mother only has left-over casserole for you. Yeah, it's still home-cooked and better than say, airline food, but it's still not brisket. John Kerry is left-over casserole after a long day's trip. Which isn't such a bad thing.

Let's face it, the past four years has been nothing but capital D drama. One big huge roller-coaster ride of a suck-fest- hanging chads, 9/11, the war in Iraq, the Mess in Iraq. I may not like the guy, but I almost feel sorry for the Shrub-meister (almost). Hell, throw in Clinton's "impeachment" and it's been like that for the past six years. Remember the old Chinese curse "may you live in interesting times?" Well, we're pretty frickin' cursed. And to think, at one point, my generation was known for complaining that every exciting thing in the world had already happened. Here we are, stop entertaining us.

As a result, this country is pretty close to the breaking point these days. We’re stressed out, freaked out, and plain old burnt out. We're tight and we're frazzled and we're ready to snap. Seriously, I wouldn't be half-surprised if before the election, people start shooting each other. Just as I and most of my fellow Blue Stater are completely convinced that most Red Stater types are nothing but raving idgits, most Red Staters probably think the same thing about us Blue Staters. Try watching one of those talking-head pundit shows on TV, they're all looking like they're about to beat the ever loving crap out of each other. This country is in dire need of a long weekend in Mexico full of margaritas, tacos, ocean swimming, and strip clubs. And no, I'm not projecting. Well, maybe a little.

And that's why I'm thinking John Kerry could be just what the country needs- a completely, totally, boring President. A President too spineless to do anything reckless, too smart to do anything dumb, too experienced not to know a little- just a little bit- of Middle East History. Umm, and not to mention too secular not to think he's on a mission from God. Sure he won't do anything bold that'll actually reform something, but he's not going to, say, see a memo entitled "Bin Laden to Hijack Plane and Fly it Into a Building" and not say "interesting, say, how'd the Rangers do?". And sure, he'll bore the living crap out of us for four (eight?) years, but after all that's happened, I'm not sure that's such a bad thing.

Now let's go back to that metaphor about travelling all that time to get home. You've flown for hours, you've had to switch flights half-way, you sat next to both a fat guy and a screaming baby, and the in-flight movie was "New York Minute." You finally get to where you're going at like 2 in the morning and you're too stressed and too frazzled to do anything so you turn on the TV hoping you can find something that'll at least entertain you in the dead of the night. Instead all you find is infomercials and C-Span and after deciding to watch C-Span, you find yourself slowly lulled into a deep, relaxing sleep. The kind of sleep that makes you feel just plain old alright when you wake up. That's John Kerry. And yes, that's not a great metaphor but I'm a little rusty with these blogging things.

In other words, John Kerry in '04. Better Boring than Dumb.. Bring on the Bore.