Since I've heard that this blog has been a bit too depressing lately (and for those who care, the job situation is all good. Also, I haven't felt like writing too much so there's good stuff going on too), here's something I wrote on SFist:

ng the number of beards per customer, multiplying it by the size of the crowd, and then dividing it again by the square footage). The HBQ was not quite Boogaloos high but high nevertheless. We also noticed that there were also a high variety of beards seen, meaning that the beard craze has gone from it's "classic" phase to "gothic" phase.

Like all things hipster, we wondered just how this beard thing works and the meaning of it all. Like, the guy checking IDs at the bar had a very scruffy, mountain man beard that made him look like Zach Galifianakis. Does this make him "hipper" than some dude with just a normal beard just because it was thicker? Is that worth, say, five hipster points on the hipster/coolness scale? And what about the dude we saw riding a bike down 16th street who had some sort of Hasidic Rabbi/Matisyahu thing going? Is that considered the high end of hipsterdom, like fifteen points or twenty, because his beard was way longer than most beards? Would this, then, make him hipper than the guy checking IDs? Then there was another guy at the bar who had a normal looking beard, but topped it off with a Rollie-Fingers style handlebar moustache. How hip would he be considered? Would he be somewhere between the Zach dude and the Matisyahu dude because his beard was normal length or would he be considered hipper because while it is easy to just grow out a beard, doing the handlebar thing takes work and effort?

We could be wrong about all this but our guess was that the handle bar dude was higher on the hipster scale because he was able to attract his faux-mullet wearing, sort of 70's swept-do, girlfriend, Together, they gave off such an aura of hipness that we wanted to stand by them and bask in their hipster, halo-like, aura. We felt cooler just being in the same bar with them. Were these two the offical King and Queen of Hipsterdom? Were they the Patient Zero of hipsterdom, you know the two hipsters in the Mission from which all hipness emanates? Either way, to them we say, well played, hipster couple, well played.

It took us years to figure out how the trucker hat trend worked but unfortunately, we figured it out way after it was trendy. Now that the beard thing is still happening, we'd like to understand it now before it becomes so 2008. Among other things, we want to know if we'd be cooler just by growing a beard. Anyways, can anyone explain all of this to us?