have to go out (the best thing about being in a relationship, of course, is having an automatic excuse to not go out). And also because I actually get a huge kick out of Halloween. It’s a great holiday. The moment I stepped onto the 22 and saw somebody get on dressed up like Princess Leia in Star Wars (the bun look, not the gold bikini look), I felt better about dragging my frumpy ass out into the night.

So I went to a party. I knew of a couple, all of them sounding not-so-exciting, and chose the one I went to after making a calculated decision that it would be the best one. Plus, the friend who invited me was the first one to invite me to a party and it was the path of least resistance. I’m all about taking the path of least resistance.

The party was in the penthouse of some apartment complex off Van Ness. How much of a dude apartment was it? The reading material underneath the coffee table consisted of football magazines and Playboy. And as befitting people who would have that as their reading material, the people attending were a little on the young side. Like early 20’s. All of which made me feel that much better about going out on a night I much preferred to rest my weary bones on. Cause nothing makes you feel your age like being way over ten years older than everyone at a party you’re going to. And for the record, part of the reason why I went to this party is that my friends who invited me are 30 and 39 and didn’t think the party would skew that way.

It was kind of a fun party, kind of one of those parties that never quite kicks into full party mode. But whatever. People came in really good costumes and there was jello shots and unlike other parties, people knew that my Star Trek red shirt costume meant that I’m supposed to die everytime I go to a new planet. Which makes them okay in my book.

Towards the end of the night I sat down on one of the really nice couches and found myself unable to get up. Part of it was because I was nominally supposed to save my friend’s seat, part of it was to save their beer and to hold onto part of their costume, and part of it was just because it was a damn comfortable couch and I was pretty much done with the night. Anyways, one of the people at the party, a black woman who could be described as somewhat bootylicious came up to me while sitting and told me that I had no excuse to just sit there and that I had to dance. So she got me moving a bit, first while sitting and then right by the couch. After a few butt bumping moves, she dragged me onto the dance floor and got me to dance.

Now I know I’m treading on way dangerous territory here and that I’m skating on un-PC thin ice, but when you’re a white guy who can’t dance and feels like a total uptight, uncoordinated white dude when dancing, having to dance with a big black woman who can dance is a bit intimidating. Cause deep down, the feeling is that as a white person, it’s just genetically impossible for us to dance like black people. Throw in being Jewish and, well, you get what we’re trying to say. Dancing with a black woman is, in a way, the ultimate worst case scenario. It’s like going out drinking with a couple of Irishmen. Or playing poker with a couple of card sharks. It’s something totally out of the league.

And so I danced, baby, danced. And forced myself to overcome my inate uptightness and fear of looking dumb and got into it as much as I could. But no matter how hard I tried, all I could think to myself was this- "oh God, just don’t do the white man’s overbite…just don’t do the white man’s overbite…."

Editor’s note- for those of you going "what the hell is he doing here and how lame can he be?", remember if anyone else was in my shoe’s, they would have been thinking the same damn thing. Well maybe not everyone, but a large segment of people would have it flash their minds. And if not, they’re lying

Now here's a shocker...

Sulu's gay.

You know, I was actually going to post last night, but I got caught up in last night’s game and decided to wait until the end of the game and, well, so much for that.

The big news here is that on the other site, I posted about the Nazi Olsen Twins, little Lynx and Lamb. Because twelve year old blonde girls singing songs about white power is kind of hilarious in a demented kind of way (very demented). In response, I got a post from an actual Neo-Nazi.

I’m pretty proud of myself.

In fact, here’s the actual posting (and yes, I realize I’m toeing a fine line but everyone’s going to be asking anyways. Besides, as a wise man once said, mock the devil and he will flee from thee).


Email Address: Wssav2@aol.com
URL: http://www.nationalvanguard.org
Comments:

I think what Lamb and Lynx want is to live in a white society that has traditional values, the kind of society that most whites would want to live in, especially if they plan to have children.

Who came up with the idea that white, traditionally Christian societies are evil-ism, but the Jewish State is good-ism?


When I got the e-mail with the response, I quickly took the comment back. Not necessarily because I was freaked out for myself, but more for the site. Internet spat fights with racist overtones never go well-- people feel free to post anything because of the anonymity of it all. And besides, it’s not like you can logically argue with these people because, well, I think the term would be bat-shit crazy.

And yes, so far I’ve gotten fan mail from a far-right religious freak, someone calling me "the dumbest" something or other in the city, and from a Neo-Nazi. Which is kind of a badge of honor, but all too easy in a way. Pissing of Neo-Nazis, after all, isn’t that much of a challenge. Especially when your Jewish.

PS- yeah, I posted the guy’s e-mail address. Go ahead and spam the dude all you want. Or sign him up for Martha Stewart newsletters. I did.

Here’s what making good money will do to you-

I booked tickets today to go back east for Thanksgiving. In booking tickets, I had a choice between tickets that were really cheap but involved getting up early, spending three hours at Chicago O’Hare Airport, and getting into Albany (yay, I’m flying into Albany! Another world-class city I can check off my list) before the rest of my family does. Or, I could spend about $80 more to get up late, only spend about two hours in Chicago, and get in a little after my family does.

Now, there was a long time in my past I’d suck it up and go for the cheaper tickets. In fact, I feel kind of guilty in not getting the cheap tickets. But I, of course, went for the most expensive tickets, $80 be damned. Cause is sleeping in, not having to kill three hours in Chicago and an hour in Albany worth $80? Hell, yeah.

By the way, I was having trouble booking my tickets online because, for some whacky reason, it’s kind of hard to find flights from San Francisco to Albany around a national holiday. My dad threw out all sorts of possibilities to do it and even suggested I call a travel agent to help with my tickets. To which I responded, "travel agents? What are they?"

And here’s the random thought of the day- I’ve always had a pet peeve against people who put exclamation points at the end of sentences. I wouldn’t say I broke up with somebody over it, but when you add up all the points in somebody’s favor, the use of exclamation points is a definite negative.

For some reason, I’ve been using more and more exclamation points in my writing lately.

It started out, like most things in life, as an ironic statement. But then ironic statement became normal and I realized it was starting to be used non-ironically. Kind of like most people and listening to Journey. Now I find myself using exclamation points more and more.

If there’s anything I hope to accomplish, it’s to kick myself of this habit before I turn into one of those people who end everything with an exclamation! I hate those people!

Dear Republicans, when I hear you start talking about "the criminalization of politics" these days due to the fact all of your leaders are being indicted, all I can say is this: suck on it.

How excited am I about all of this? I'm not paying attention to celebrity gossip anymore. Yeah, I know TomKat is pregnant and Britney's baby photos came out and Paris dumped Paris, but who cares, really? Dick Cheney and Karl Rove are spending all of their waking hours contemplating the possibility of being prison raped. It's a beautiful thing. I mean, if nobody gets indicted or just Scooter does, it's going to be a bit of a bummer. Like a "Phantom Menace" type letdown.

Any day now......

I don't know why I'm really excited for the new Harry Potter movie, but I am. Really excited. Like hoping I see the preview excited. And it's not like the movies were really that good. Well, the third one was good, but not totally epic. It's just that the movies are now as much a part of the books and it's going to be awhile before the next book comes out. Or maybe it's because now that we're in our post-LOTR, post-Star Wars, post-Serenity movie days, there really doesn't appear to be anything that exciting to be released anymore.

When I hear people talk about movies, I always hear them say "there’s a lot of good movies out there." Which they always say, but that’s neither here nor there right now. What does it mean, then that the last three movies that I’ve seen are "Serenity," the Wallace & Gromit movie, and "The Corpse Bride?" Is there really that many good movies out there are am I just not seeing any of them.

Somehow, I don’t think it’s me. There really is nothing out there.

For instance, there’s that movie out there "North County" starring Charlize Theron, once again making herself ugly (as Bill Maher said "we get it, you’re a good actress, please be hot again…") in order to play some factory worker fighting against the system, this time in the cause of sexual harassment. This, of course, is one of those movies out there that’s supposed to be one of those "good movies" that everyone is supposed to be seeing and will probably get nominated a whole bunch of times. And all I can say is yawn. I mean, I haven’t seen this movie, but I’ve seen it. I can pretty much picture the entire movie in my head already. Because I saw it when it was "Norma Rae" or "Silkwood" or "Erin Brokovich" and okay, I never saw any of those movies, but still.

What does it say that the most exciting thing that happened this weekend is that my fantasy football team won their fifth straight? In fact, I'm undefeated since I've been back in the States. And all this despite drafting Daunte.

So this weekend there was this Open Studio thing going on in the hood where various artists would show off their stuff. Some of them showed it off in their art space, some of them in various studios, some of them in their homes. And when I say home, I mean home- there were paintings in the kitchen, in the bedroom, in the hallway, in the parking garage.

I have to say it’s a little weird to be wandering in checking out the artists work in their homes. It’s just a little, well, personal. It’s one thing to see their art work in a studio or some place. You're supposed to see art work there and possibly by it. Go into their home and they’re not only asking you to check out their art work and possibly by some, but also check out their apartment too. And yes, I didn't really want to engage any of the artists in conversation because it would make feel that much more guilty for not buying any of their ridiculously priced items.

As for the stuff, it was about what you’d think. Some of it was a little pretentious, some of it really good (seriously), and some of it really awful. One place we went to was this really fancy, big home up near Dolores Park. The artists' paintings were all nature stuff and animals. In fact, she advertised herself as someone who paints pet portraits (raising the question, of course, who the hell would get a painting of their pet?). Her non-portrait stuff was of nature pictures, like ducks taking off from a lake or a deer wandering through the forest. The duck picture, by the way, went for about $8000. The artwork mainly consisted of stuff you’d find in hotel rooms. I mean, it was just awful, like bad Thomas Kincaid or that guy who painted stuff on PBS. Except worse. The weird thing was that the artist in question was lesbian, as were all of her friends sitting around telling her what a great artist she was. I guess it really does show we've come a long way when lesbians can come up with perfectly crappy, cheesy nature paintings too.

Just wondering, but....

If you're going to pour tons of perfume all over yourself, why do it on a day that you're going to the gym? Because you're probably going to lose it all after you go to the gym. Unless, of course, you re-perfume yourself afterwards. Either way, you don't get that great, post-workout sweat smell, you know, the one that makes you think you had a great workout. Or maybe you will, but the people working out next to you who wind up accidently bathing in it won't.

Oh, and am I the only person who's going to the New York Times web site every five minutes or so to see if anyone's been indicted yet? It's like waiting for a package for a package to come in the mail, one that you don't what it is but just know that it's going to be really cool. Or like knowing that Christmas could come at any day now. I'm just guessing, but I'm thinking that once the indictments come, the Washington press & punditocracy might actually spontaneously explode if any of the rumours out there are true.

Yep. Oktoberfest again. This time at Fort Mason, not Munich. Still, it was my second Oktoberfest this month in two different parts of the world. Whee!!!! All I can say is that there's something to polka music and beer steins. In fact, there's just something about swaying back and forth, clinging steins, and singing "Take Me Home, Country Road" at the top of your lungs that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy towards humanity.

Or so I think.

Anyways, two observations of the whole experience.

The first bit concerns riding the bus. On MUNI, the whole front section of the bus is reserved for the eldery or the disabled. Totally makes sense. More times than not, when you get on the bus, there's not that many elderly or disabled riding so you have to sit in the front row. Which is fine, except you constantly have to be alert for the entire trip to make sure you don't take up the seat of an elderly or disabled person who gets on. There's a lot of pressure to it.

First of all, you can't slack off. The one moment you don't pay attention to who gets on the bus is the one moment some 85 year old woman with a cane gets on and needs a seat and everyone on the bus watches as totally oblivious you let's her work on by. Or, what could happen is if there's one of those questionable calls comes on. Like their kind of old, but not quite old enough to be senior citizen. Get up for them? What about if their not frail in any sort of way? There's a lot of 70 year olds who are probably in more shape than I am. And what qualifies someone as disabled? People get up for women with babies or people with lots of bags, but not all the time. In other words, it's a judgement call, judgements that you have to make within a few splits of a second. That's stressfull.

And for those who've been in the situation knows, what happens when it's obvious somebody needs a seat and all the seats are taken mainly by us young-ins. That's when this delicate communication dance starts between everyone to decide who gives up a seat and who doesn't. Sometimes a few people all try and make the move and it becomes a battle of who gets up first. And sometimes nobody is quite sure who is supposed to get up and so everyone looks back and forth, quickly, trying to communicate with each other who should do it. Or sometimes nobody really wants to get up, but everyone knows they should. So it becomes a Mexican standoff between people as they all dare each other to be the one to get up so they don't have to be the one who gets up.

The second observation concerns men's bathrooms. See, at Oktoberfest, there was long lines to get into the men's room. This isn't what we're used. Every guy in the line had this look on their face like something was wrong, like there's something off and there not sure what, they just know that it is- like everyone was forming in their head some scheme to get out of this situation but not sure what. I, for instance, was sure there had to be another bathroom or another way, but just didn't know what. I mean, I had even gone all the way to the other side to go, but the line was such that I thought I'd be clever and go across the way to check out that bathroom. Because there's never really long lines for the men's room.

The other thing that occurs is because woman know they have to wait for a long time, go early in the "needing to use the bathroom" stage. Guys don't. Because we just assume it'll be easy. So we go when we kind of have to go and when we get in a long line, we're much farther along than women. What happened on Saturday is that after about fifteen minutes, almost every guy who had been in line for a long time was busy hopping on one leg or two or crossing their legs or swaying to and fro- anything to hold it in.

Not fun, I'se tell ya.

So I didn't take today off and being the good Jewish boy that I am, felt bad about it. Especially since today wasn't that crazy. Even worse, I looked out in the world and noticed that Jon Stewart, Gawker Jess Coen, the guy who does ESPN's Daily Quickie, and Tony Kornheiser all took off.

I am such a bad Jew.

I finally saw "Serenity." All I can say is Joss Whedon is the Man.

Damn good movie.

It's Yom Kippur right now (sundown, remember) and no, I'm not fasting and I'm not spending all day contemplating whatever I need to atone for. I'm going to work in fact. There's two main reasons why not. First one is that I'm slammed right now and I'm still trying to catch up with all that happened while I was away on vacation. The second reason is that as a contractor, I don't get paid if I don't work. In other words, Yom Kippur is one expensive holiday.

I actually seriously thought about taking tomorrow off. I usually like to, but the reasons why I don't are basically one's of guilt and of trying to out Jew-y everyone at work. Two valid reasons, for sure, but not enough to lose all the Benjamins. And it's All About the Benjamins.

So you're not allowed dogs to bring dogs into work at Super Mondo. Which makes some dog owning co-workers a little miffed. We noticed today that one woman keeps on bringing in a dog, but we think she can get away with it because it appears she's training the dogs to be seeing eye dogs. We think so because the dogs all wear some little contraption that says "seeing eye dog training."

So, I'm thinking, maybe it's just a scam to bring in her dog. After all, how hard is it to make up some little blanket and put "Seeing Eye Dog Training" on it?

By the way, there was a point I reasoned that I'd rather be blind than deaf because at least if I was blind, I'd be able to get a cute seeing eye dog.

We interrupt this blog for some baseball talk. Sorry.

If you want to know why Derek Jeter is Derek Jeter and A-Rod gets no love, it's all so obvious after tonight's game. Bottom of the ninth, down by two, Jeter hits a single. And what does A-Rod do? He hits into a double play.

There has been a lot of disasters that have befallen us. Hurricanes, earthquakes, floods. Biblical type disasters. One has to wonder, exactly, what has gotten up God's butt? Because He's pretty pissed off these days.

One has to wonder too just what it is that we've done to piss Him off. After all, considering the Muslim fanatics in the Middle East, Jewish fanatics in Israel, and the people who think they run this country, the Down with God folks seem to be in control of things. Well, maybe not in control of things, but let's just say the God loving are on the upswing. And for this? We get disasters.

So, what I'm thinking is maybe this is a sign. Maybe this is God saying we're barking up the wrong trees as it were. After all, considering Hurrican Katrina. The only place in New Orleans, hell in the entire Lousiana area, that didn't really get hit was the French Quarter. If one perscribes to the belief that God does some smoting when there's some sinning going on in that Old Testament kind of way, wouldn't the French Quarter be the first place that got hit? Shouldn't it be entirely wiped out? In other words, is the message in all of this God isn't telling us to be more "Godly" but that He's telling we need more strip joints and jello shots.

Oh, what the heck, I'm in a writing mood tonight.

-Someone at work had some sort of bug then got a cut on her leg and the next thing you know, she's got flesh eating bacteria and they have to cut off a leg. It's unclear as to whether she knew that going in or she'll have a huge suprise when she ever wakes up and gets off all the drugs they're feeding her. For some reason, this story freaks me out. And I'm not the only one. Let's just say that I stepped on a shard of glass with a bare foot at home and I sprayed enough Bactine on it to sterilize a small African village.

-My opinion of the new Supreme Court Nominee? I've been reading the big right-wing blog, the Corner lately as they all seem to be in a rather depressed mood lately and most of the postings fall into the category of either "Gosh, maybe the President is a boob" or "cheer up little buckeroos." Even they think she's just some stupid crony And, of course, it goes without saying that the Replubicans, having sold their souls a long time ago, will let her pass and the Democrats will somehow botch it. And I hate to say it too, but I'm thinking about hopping on the McCain in 2008 bandwagon. I know, he's a Republican, but at this point, that's all there really is right now. It's like the baseball playoffs. I root for the Giants, but since there's no way in hell they can win, I might as well root for somebody who has a chance.

-And speaking of which, I really couldn't care less about this year's baseball playoffs. Sox/Yanks III? So over it. Naturally, I hopped on the Indians bandwagon last week, just in time for their massive choke job.

-I'm kind of liking "Rome" but think it's not nearly as good as it should be. It's just not epic enough or has enough sense of history to it. No sense of a Republic falling, no sense of the tragic consequences that led to the civil war between Pompey and Caesar (Pompey got sucker played by Cato into fighting the war) and the Caesar character is more like a plodding middle manager type than some guy who's name still connotes bad-ass leader and yummy salad. Is it me, though, that so far, the best episodes all featured tons of nudity and sex?

-I get lots of crap lately for my proclivity for doing nothing but watching a lot of Tivo. So I wonder, is spending a lot of time watching Tivo TV really that bad? Because it's not like I'm really watching anything that bad. In fact, other than my ESPN sports gab shows, the things I watch on Tivo are things like "Arrested Development" and "Firefly" and "Battlestar Gallactica" or "the Office." In other words, is watching a lot of tv bad if it's good tv? And now that "I only get Netflix" is the new "I only watch PBS" why is only getting movies on Netflix worse than watching good Tivo?

And yeah, no posting for awhile. By the counter I have, it looks like even the three people who read gave up on this ole blog. Sorry. I seem to have lost my Mojo lately, I think somewhere in Bavaria. Or maybe even before Bavaria. Who knows? All I know is that I got a bad case of the Block.

Case in point, today. I was all set to write, but a combination of a drunken sleep, early morning yoga, and a burritto have pretty much rendered me useless today. Total couch day. And yes, I’m rambling…..

Anyways, I'll try and start posting again by next week.