Cell phones are a funny thing. When somebody gets one and gives the number out, it's considered almost tacit acknowledgement that they want to be reached anytime, anyplace, anywhere. And that they will always have one around and turned on, or at least turned off during certain things but will checked immediately upon leaving the thing that they needed to turn it off for. That's what cell phones are for, aren't they? So people can communicate with people anywhere at anytime?

Which is why it's becoming one of those things that when a person with a cell phone either doesn't carry their cell phone, doesn't answer their cell phone, or check their cell phone message, people get annoyed with them. They have a cell phone, damnit, so why aren't they using them? How is anyone supposed to get in touch with them if they never bring their cell phone anywhere?

Even those of us who are still cell-phone free-the luddites who hate the principal of always being able to be reached, the impoverished who can't afford them, or those who realize that their lives aren't exciting enough to warrant one- still get annoyed when someone with a cell phone doesn't actually use them. How dare the cellphoned not use their cellphones when the uncellphoned try to reach them.

So we've now added a whole other strata of social mores. Now, it's an issue of manners and politeness when somebody who has a cell phone doesn't actually use them. This is a cause of annoyance, a source of frustration, a sign of impoliteness. It's doubly worse than not returning a call because not only are they not returning the call, but they're breaking the agreement by not making it possible for them to reached at all times when they've let it be known that they can be reached at all times.

And how is anybody able to communicate with each other when people do things like that?

Caught this juicy little nugget burried deep in an article about the recent Putin/Bush summit meeting.....

"After the meeting, NTV, the once-independent Russian television station now controlled by a state-dominated firm, kept replaying footage of Bush entering his meeting with Putin while chewing gum and then spitting it into his hand. "

Classy

I wonder if Bush used that very same hand to shake hands with Putin?

From once again, Craig's List Missed Connections. One of the bestest parts of the city-

Socio-math problems for San Francisco students
----------------------------------------------

1). Zelda and Jane were given a Rottweiler at their commitment ceremony

If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of ¾ mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?

2). Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3% better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before
he’s ready to go home if 1 person walks by the cafe every 2 minutes?

3). Sanjeev has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a given day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his erythromycin prescription during the next week?

4). Chad wants to take half a pound of pot to Orinda and sell it at a 20% profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in food stamps, how much should Nicole write the check for?

5). The City and County of San Francisco decide to destroy 50 rats infesting downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight vigil, how many people did each dead rat empower?

6). A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock are tossed randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks drawn will be socks of color?

7). George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes every morning. If each shot of espresso contains 490mg of caffeine, what is George’s average caffeine density in mg/pound?

8). There are 4500 homes in Mill Valley and all of them recycle plastic. If each household recycles 10 soda bottles a day and buys one polar fleece pullover per month, does Mill Valley have a monthly plastic surplus or deficit? Bonus question: Assuming all the plastic bottles are 1 liter size, how much Evian are they drinking?

9). If the average person can eat one pork pot sticker in 30 seconds, and the waitress brings a platter of 12 pot stickers, how long will it take five vegans to not eat them?

10). Todd begins walking down Market Strt with twelve $1 bills in his wallet. If he always gives panhandlers a single buck, how many legs did he have to step over if he has $3 left when he reaches the other end and met
only one double-amputee?

Advanced Placement Students Only:

11) Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John, and Effie share a three-bedroom apartment on Guerrero for $2400 a month. Effie and Trip can share one bedroom, but the other three need their own rooms with separate ISDN lines to run their
web servers. None of them wants to use the futon in the living room as a bed, and they each want to save $650 in three months to attend Burning Man.

What is their best option:

a) All five roommates accept a $12/hour job-share as handgun monitors at Mission High.
b) Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie and Trip’s bedroom for $500/month.
c) Petition the Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her annual digital-artists-of-color stipend.
d) Rent strike

First of all, for all of you who stumbled upon my page while doing a search trying to figure out what Sarah McLachlan song was used in the season finale of Buffy, it was ""The Prayer of Saint Francis" on the bonus disc of
Surfacing. And yes, the finale rocked the house.

And now back to our regularly scheduled blogcast-

A friend of mine from my writing group spent last Saturday seeing a "Futurist." I'm not sure what the what was with the Futurist, as I didn't understand a lot of it, but it had something to do with psychology tests as well as the usual assortment of chi measurings, and mitochondrias testings. While I guess the Futurist told her some valuable, personal type things, she was also told this- that now's a good time to buy Oracle stock. Yes, the Futurist apparently also gives out stock tips. Apparently, he claims to have a 90% success rate.

I, of course, find all of this incredibly hilarious. I mean, stock tips from a Futurist?

I mean, if he was such a good predictor of the stock market, why is he travelling around the country reading people's auras instead of doing what most of us would do if we were 90% accurate in stocks- live somewhere in Bermuda and sleep with twenty-year, surgically enhanced bimbos. And just think about the power you could have if you were that good of a Futurist. If I could do that, not only would I be betting serious money on every football game, I'd be in Vegas like every other week. Screw helping people with their futures.

On the other hand, why not get stock tips from a Futurist? Does he really know anything more than anybody else does? Back in the dot.com craziness, the TV was full of financial shows dedicated to predicting what stocks to buy and what stocks would do what. It was like watching a football pre-game show except without the telestrator or Terry Bradshaw. Some guy purporting to be an expert would get up there and say things like "we really think lameassidea.com's IPO is going to explode this week and that the market is really ripe for ordering kumquat's online, so that's our Stock Tip of the Week." And they were often wrong. They didn't really know anything and were just pulling stuff out of their asses. Still are. Nobody can predict what's going on with the stock market. Well, except for maybe the guys in the Brokerage firms who were hyping a stock that they knew was total shite only because they had some sort of deal with that company.

It all reminds me of all those experts on the football shows predicting football games. You'd get some guy up there saying things like "well, the Redskins have a great rushing defense so they should be able to contain Corey Dillon and the Bengals, who are 5-15 when Dillon gets less than 100 yards in games played north of the Mason Dixon line." And they're usually, at best, 50% accurate. As a joke, a lot of newspapers or tv shows would sometimes have an animal or somebody who didn't know a thing about football pick the games. And not only did they do as well as the supposed experts, they usually did better. ESPN.com , for instance, did a great bit all football season where they had one of their columnists, the Sports Guy, compete against Bailey the Wonder Dog to see who was more accurate. The Sports Guy pulled ahead to win the competition only with a couple of last minute wins in the final weeks of the season. It's why the people who don't know a damn thing about football usually win the football pools.

So, in other words, why not take advice from a Futurist. Besides, Oracle stock has to come up eventually.

So you know how every TV channel, every show transmits its shows at different volumes? Which means that, for instance, you were channel surfing and the volume on each station would be different, all depending on whatever volume the station's transmitted at (and no, I don't know how it works at all).

Why is it that all the movie stations show porn at a much higher volume than other stations?

There I was last night, flipping through the channels, checking up on the latest episode of Skinemax's Last Call when I realized after a few seconds that not only was I not wearing the headphones I usually do at night, but that it was pretty loud. And so was blasting the cheesy music and the moans and groans for all my neighbors to hear.

And all I could think about was how my next-door neighbor and downstairs neighbor were lying there in bed, thinking "oh God, the unemployed guy is staying up late watching porn again. What a fucking loser."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this awful, but the one good thing about the finding of Chandra Levy's body and subsequent saturation news coverage is that it'll keep the press from doing other things than printing every supposed terrorist threat the administration keeps on pulling out of their asses. Christ almighty. The administration is starting to sound like local newscasters that try and scare people into watching their news shows by trotting out overly excited geologists. You know, the one's who say things like "we're 50% sure that there'll be a major earthquake in California in the next 50 years." Well, fucking duh.

And saw this story about Abercrombie & Fitch being at it again. They were the company that got in trouble a couple of months ago for having t-shirts that were completely offensive towards Asians.

This time, they're in trouble for trying to sell thongs to 10 year old girls.

From the story:
For the second time in two months, retailer Abercrombie & Fitch Inc. finds itself in trouble, this time for hawking sexually suggestive thong underwear to young girls.

The thongs are adorned with the images of cherries and candy hearts and also include the words "kiss me" and "wink, wink." They are appropriate for girls as young as 10 years old, according to a company spokesman.

"It's not appropriate for a 7-year-old, but it is appropriate for a 10-year- old," said spokesman Hampton Carney. "Once you get about 10, you start to care about your underwear, and you start to care about your clothes."

What the fuck are they drinking during their business meetings? Who comes up with that? Maybe the FBI should be monitoring all of Abercrombie & Fitchs executives e-mails to see whether they're the one's tricking 13-year old girls into having sex with them.

Why is thong underwear okay for ten year olds, but not seven year olds. And ick on the whole idea of ten year old's wearing thongs. Especially with the words "kiss me" written on the thong's crotch. Then again, I'm not a Catholic Priest.

I do, however, find it kind of amusing that my 63 year old, way way out of pop-culture, dad is about to have to deal with all of these issues with my baby-sis. But still.

Ick.

Because being unemployed means you have abusive relationships with almost every potential employer, I e-mailed the Lucy Publishing Company to find out what's up. The LPC, for those who don't remember, was the publishing company from way back that I interviewed with last August and is still jerking me around. After not hearing from them in months, I got an e-mail out of the blue saying they were finally gonna hire someone, wanted me to come in, yadda yadda yadda. I call them the Lucy Publishing Company because they're Lucy with the football to Charlie Brown me.

While part of me wanted the job, part me of also wished I could of been in a position to basically tell them to go fuck themselves. Which, unfortunately, I am not in the position of doing right now. Or at least, I don't have the balls to do.

So, after waiting over a month to finally get a response from them, I e-mailed them to see what was up.

No response back.

As much as I hate quoting Limp Bizkit.....

Like a chump
Like a chump
Like a chump, hey

Doing it all for the paycheck. (?)


Umm, sorry. It's late.

Saw this in the paper today, the latest on the never-ending struggle to do something about the homeless in the city. It is, of course, impossible for someone to do something about the homeless in this city despite the fact that it's one of the biggest problems in the city. It's a pretty, loud, smelly problem in this city. But any proposal to do something meets very loud, vocal resistance from Homeless Advocates. Homeless advocates seem to have two main reasons why the oppose any sort of measure to do something about them.

1) That it's a Constitutionally mandated right to be able to be homeless, get drunk shout things at people, and take craps in some persons door. Free country and all that. Hell, it's not just a Constitutional right, it's a Human Right. And to do something like, oh, making it so that homeless people have to go to a shelter would be oppressing them. That would be bad. Oppression is bad.

2) The other reason is that homelessness is a systematic problem inherant to capitalism. Therefore, if you really want to do something about the homeless problem, you have to first destroy our capitalistic system. And to do anything without first destroying capitalism would be wrong. So, homelessness can only be morally dealt with once we've established a socialist state.

So, as result of that thinking, nothing's done against the homeless. We just have a hodgepodge of programs and policies. Nothing consistent, nothing great, just a bunch of band aids.

But wait, our supervisors have figured out a way to solve the problem. According to the Chron:

Supervisors Chris Daly and Mark Leno proposed a November measure of their own that would run all future homeless policies through a 22-member advisory committee before the supervisors vote on them.


Which is a brilliant idea. Absolutely fucking brilliant. Because it's so easy to make a policy decision if it first has to be debated by twenty-two people.

I'm in a writing group. There's six people in the group and we have enough problems trying to figure out when to meet. Have you ever been in a group of people and tried to figure out what bar to go to? Now, magnify that by 22 people. Making policy decisions.

Yeah, that'll work. Twenty-two people? Jesus fucking Christ.

Sometimes, this city just sucks.

Just got back from Safeway. As I was saddling up with my bags, I couldn't help notice that the lady in line behind me- a slender, elderly lady in her 50's- was buying about thirty cans of cat food and about twenty things of frozen food.

Can you say cat lady?

Got nothing today. Too many things going on inside my warped little head that I don't even know where to begin.

Except this-

Bought new sneakers a few weeks ago. The shoelaces on the sneakers are top of the line, top flight, cutting edge shoe laces. And just think about that for a few minutes (like about the poor person whose role in life is to design shoe laces). Anyways, these shoelaces are so cutting edge that they're tough, weather proof, unable to become torn and frayed like so many shoelaces eventually do.

One problem, though. They're so tough, so durable, so cutting edge that it's almost impossible for me to tie them. It's because the super-tough, super weather absorbant shoelaces are so strong and so silky smooth that the shoelaces never take.

Which means that me, a grown-up, over thirty year old male finds himself having to tie his shoes every five minutes because the shoelaces don't stay tied.

Life's so hard some times.

And then comes the sweatpants phase……

Couldn't get out of bed this morning. Didn't see the point. Couldn't think of a reason to, so I lied there. Too tired to get out of bed. Knew coffee would help, but too lazy to even get out of bed to go outside and get coffee.

Spent half an hour in bed debating on whether or not I should shave. Haven't shaved since Friday. Beard's all scruffy and itchy. But if I don't have the energy to even get out of bed, how am I gonna have the energy to shave?
Besides, do I really need to? Who am I gonna see today? What point is there in shaving? I shave anyways.

Thought about seeing a movie. That'll get me out of the house. It'll cheer me up. And I want to see About a Boy because I love Nick Hornby, but if I go today, then what'll I do tomorrow? Or Thursday? And there's a three-day weekend coming up, which'll mean I'll have some friends around and if I see all the movies by myself, what'll I do with them? Besides, it's too late for an early show so I could go at 2'ish, but then I'd have to miss Pardon the Interruption on ESPN at 2:30. Could go later, but then I'd miss the start of the ball game tonight. Dbacks/Giants, first meeting of the season. Could go food shopping. Almost out of food. Could go tomorrow, I'm not that out of food. Have the time, though. Have the time tomorrow too. So I do neither.

Besides, the only point of today is to kill time until the season finale of Buffy, not to mention a new episode of The Real World.

That's half of unemployment, just killing time until something happens.

And some friends are jealous that I'm unemployed.

My favorite radio station is gone. Or, at least, it kind of is. I'm not very happy.

Not that I was that huge of a die-hard, never switch away listener, but KSJO is my favorite station. Basically, any station that plays Rush's "Working Man" on a regular basis is okay in my book. Yeah, they had a tendency to kill certain songs by overplaying them and most of their DJ's are complete, total unfunny morons, but they were still a good station. Unlike most stations, they didn't have that set of a niche. They basically played anything that rawked and I liked the fact they wouldn't be afraid to follow up a Zepp tune with a Korn tune. Not that I'm that down with Korn, but I just kind of appreciate that the station would play some old skool hard-rock along with the new kids. Not many stations have the guts to actually try and mix it up like that. They helped me get in touch with my inner headbanger and for that, I give it my props.

But now it's kinda gone. See, they're a San Jose station and their signal originates from there. For awhile, they had a signal up here, at 92.7, which made it easy to listen to, but no longer. I went for a walk last Saturday, put my walkman on, tuned into KSJO and got……

…..techno.

Yep. Instead of getting some Van Halen or some Judas Priest I got the oh so familiar boom-ts-boom-ts-boom of techno. Which, if you're expecting Van Halen or something rockin', is probably the last, worst thing you'd want to hear. It's like opening up your Hanukah presents, hoping to get a video game only to discover the only thing you got is underwear. And not just underwear, but like colored grundel's or underoo's or something totally lame and annoying and something that definitely doesn't rawk.

For whatever reason (I'm not sure of what went down), KSJO had to give up their 92.7 beam and give it to another station. All some sort of federal regulation or something like that, which surprises me because I thought all the radio people had long ago bought off every politician. Or, they just decided that they wanted to start a techno station at 92.7 and tone down KSJO. They, of course, being the one of two companies that owns every radio station in the country. I never understand why they change formats all the time considering they own all the stations. It's like having a Rotissierrie League all by yourself and trading players between one team and the other. But that's besides the point.

Now, I can barely, barely get KSJO. Sometimes it comes in clearly, sometimes not at all. Even more annoying, sometimes it comes in, but the signal gets all combined with the techno station so I'll be listening to a few seconds of like "War Pigs" and all of a sudden, I'd hear the techno beats overlayed on top of it. Can you say ick?

So now what do I do? What can I listen to while taking my walks or doing data entry eight hours a day? What am I stuck with?

Here in SF I have to now choose between-

1)The Bone "classic rock that rocks"- The Bone occasionally plays some great stuff and even throws down an occasional song that I haven't heard in a long, long time and kind of enjoy. On the other hand, any station that still thinks a triple-shot of Styx is still the coolest thing in the world has problems. Besides, I don't fit into it's main target audience- people who are currently wearing, or at some point in their lives worn, a mullet.

2)Live 105, the Modern Rock Station- Live 105's much better than it was a year ago in that it's song list has gone from ten songs to fifteen, but most of the stuff they play mainly consists of bands that everyone in the entire world, including probably the band themselves, knows are destined for either VH1's "Best of One Hit Wonders" or "Where Are they Now?" shows. And, yes, Nickleback, Hoobastank, Puddle of Mudd, the Calling I'm looking at you.

3)KFOG, World Class Rock n'Roll (whatever that is)- I want to like KFOG. They do have the widest selection of songs they play and the most eclectic. Plus, I'm over 30 and I'm supposed to have mellowed out and started to listening to them instead of listening to music geared for 18 year olds. The station, however, puts me to sleep within a few minutes. Memo to KFOG Radio Programmers- white boy blues, never good. Bluesy rockers haven't been interesting since Clapton sobered up.

4)Alice, the Women's Station- Like a hipper KFOG, but as I'm not someone who cranks Alanis Morrissette tunes and sings out loud to them, getting down with the ya-ya sisterhood of it all, the station's not realy for me. Besides, is Jewel really all that or is it just because she's got huge breasts?

5)KUSF, the College Radio Station- I should also listen to them. You can't get anymore eclectic than College Radio. Plus, they're not owned by evil corporate entity. Unfortunately, the songs they play are either way cool or way bad and it's a total crapshoot as to whether or not it'll one or the other. I've long since passed the point in my life where people's record collections really impress me.

Which means, of course, that the obvious answer, is to download more tunes off the net, get a job and buy an iPod.

A trial? A trial? That's all they could come up with the for the finale of The X-Files? And repeating a scene from the first episode? I'm suprised Mulder didn't start telling Scully about the conspiracy behind the top button of a shirt. It was pretty much the exact same thing as the Seinfeld finale except with explosions.

And the episode pretty much reminded me of why I stopped watching the show in the first place. It was exactly like all of the "mythology" episodes. Which goes something like this:

Scully: Mulder, what's wrong?
Mulder: I think I know what the truth is.
Scully: What is it?
Mulder: I can't tell you.
Scully: Why not?
Mulder: Because.
Scully: I don't believe you, even though you're always right.
Mulder: I know because it's the truth.
Scully: And what is the truth?
Mulder: It's....

commercial break

Scully: Where are we going?
Mulder: To see a man about the truth.
Scully: Who is this man?
Mulder: A man who knows the truth. The truth is out there and I have to find out.
Scully: How do you know he knows what he knows?
Mulder: Because some mysterious guy appeared out of nowhere and told me.
Scully: Okay.

Scully & Mulder come upon a strange man in a darkly lit room
Mulder: What is it? What is the truth?
Man: I can't tell you.
Mulder: But a mysterious man told me to visit you.
Man: Don't trust what he tells you, he's lying.
Mulder: But he said you know the truth.
Man: I do know the truth.
Mulder: Then what is it? If you don't tell me I'm gonna leave and go hang out with my hot wife, try to launch a movie career that goes nowhere and leave poor Gillian because she'll never really get another gig.
Man: It's.....

he's shot and dies

Mulder: Damnit, he didn't tell me what the truth is.
Scully: I'm sorry Mulder, some day we'll find out what the truth is. Some day Chris Carter will actually figure it out.
Mulder: The truth is out there Scully. I know it is. By the way, Is it sweeps week?
Scully: Yes, why?
Mulder: Because then maybe we should snuggle with each other and look like we're making out so Fox can leak it to the press that we finally kiss and they can hype it to death.....

End of show

Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes
They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses
And what's with all the carrots?
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?
Bunnies, bunnies
It must be bunnies

Or maybe midgets?

One 'mo thing about Clones.

Check out this Web site I found (from Slate). It's pretty funny. It's kind of like Kevin Smith's great riff about the Rebel Alliance, the Empire, and the people who worked on the Death Star. Basically, the point is that the Emipre was actually kind of benevolent and not so bad and that the Rebel Alliance was basically just a bunch of punk-ass terrorists:

The Case for the Empire-
Everything you think you know about Star Wars is wrong.


The article refers to something that makes total sense now, about Grand Moff Tarkin's line in Star Wars that the Emperor was dissolved the Senate, and that "the last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away." Which is kind of cool cause it shows how whatever comes and what's being played out in Clones is even more tied into the original one.

Attack of the Clones

Where to begin.

Yes, it's kind of slow in the middle. And some of the dialogue is God-awful, especially anything having to do with the romance between Anakin and Princess Amidala. And some of the acting SO flat- poor Natalie Portman, she's way too good of an actress and way too cute for some of the stuff she has to do.

But…….

There just might not be any greater moment in film than the moment when the "Lucasfilm" logo disappears , the words "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…." appears, and the screen turns black. Ever. And then, it comes. The Star Wars logo appears, the music perfectly in synch. And all you want to do is go "who-hoo!". You can feel the entire audience totally wired in anticipation too, like when you're doing some unbelievable, triple-loop-de-loop roller coaster and you've just hit the top hill. Then the logo and music hits and coaster starts rushing downhill. I admit it, when I saw Phantom Menace for the first time, that was the moment I wanted to see the most, the thing I was the most psyched for. And when it came, yeah, I was a little misty. The audience was too. And I think that's part of the reason why Phantom Menaceis hated so, because nothing in that movie came close to that moment, when for the first time in 20 years, we got to feel that rush again. Nothing could of compared to that moment.

The second best moment in film might just be the moment after the scroll passes- the pan up into outer space just as some cool-ass ship zooms by. When I was a kid and saw Star Wars for the first time, it was that moment, the shot of the Rebel ship zooming overhead, chased by the Imperial Cruiser, that I knew I was hooked. It's still probably my favorite scene in the original one. And once again, we got the pan-up with a shot of a cool-ass space ship zooming by. And then the cool-ass ship flys into a planet and we get this incredible city-scene as the ship comes in for a landing. Just like that, I was into it.

That's the stuff, the shit. That's the stuff that has us hooked. Even scenes with no point, scenes that are kind of boring- like most of the middle section- still has enough cool-ass stuff going on in the background that you're locked in. After the movie, I was exhausted cause the movie's total sensory overload. Hours later, I'm still worn out from it.

In the middle section, the part where the movie bogs down, Obi Wan goes to a planet to play private dick and chase after Jango Fett. It's a planet made up pretty much entirely by water, but with these buildings coming out of it. It's storming so there's huge waves crashing by and as the scene is established, some huge, bird-like creature comes zooming out of one of the waves and flys over one of the buildings. What's the point of the bird-thing? Who knows? Who cares? Either way, it was fucking cool.

In that part too, Obi Wan meets these aliens, aliens that haven't been shown in the commercials or any of the publicity, so they were a complete surprise to me. I won't describe them because I don't want to spoil it, but they're pretty much unlike anything I've ever sene. Nothing like them whatever. Add all of that plus the incredible design and scenes of clones upon clones, and there was no way I was gonna miss a shot. I had to piss then, but I wasn't gonna get up. I had no idea what was coming next, but all I knew was that I had to see it (as soon Anakin and Amidala started getting all googly with each other, I went).

The other cool thing about that whole sequence is that the aliens aren't played as a big payoff. There not the alien money shot, the scene where the director and everyone's going "here, look at these things we dreamed up for you and spent a couple million bucks doing." There's so many aliens in the movie, so many creatures that these aliens are almost lost. Seeing freaky looking, tripped out aliens happens so frequently that it's not really a big deal to see them. Yeah, these were pretty fucking cool, but as the movie rolls on, seeing any sort of creature is no big deal.

Which is why the movie is what it is. Because Lucas has done it. He's created such a complete universe with such complete vision, a vision right down to the nitty-gritty, that you're there. You're totally there. The movie is like nothing anyone's ever filmed before. Years from now, it'll still be unlike anything anyone's done. Yeah, some people have tried and still will, but not to the extent of Clones. It's so thorough and the detail so masterfully done that it's as good as anything you could imagine.

And that's why Star Wars is so popular and why I thought the movie rocked. Because Lucas has done it, tapped into the well-spring. He's hard-wired our minds. Every kid who sat in his room and dreamed up outer space adventures, every kid who watched science fiction and wished they could see things like that- the inner geek in most of us- he's tapped into. He's put what we've all dreamed of in this movie. But it's even better than we could have imagined. You could tell Lucas spent most of his time agonizing over every ship, every creature, every set, trying to get it just like he pictured it. And yeah, it explains why parts of the movie aren't so good, but whatever. There's a ship that opens up into sails. There's another ship where part of it dislodges whenever a character flies near a planet. There's a huge battle between the clones and robot troops. Yeah, Amidala just said the stupidest thing, but that space cruiser is so fucking cool.

So yeah, I loved it. Because it was better than anything I dreamt up while I sat in my room, alone, as a kid, dreaming up outer space universes.

Oh yeah, I loved the ending too. It's probably the only part of the movie that had any real emotion to it, but I totally suckered into it. The tone is done so right, so well that, well, I can't fucking wait til the next flick. It's gonna fucking rock.

Was gonna bitch about this, rant about that, and come up with another witty and clever observation about life, but not now.

Leaving in half-an-hour to get in line for Attack of the Clones.

And really, is there anything more important than that?

Oh-my-Gawd, Oh-my-Gawd, Oh-my-Gawd!

Could the ending of Friends BE any lamer? Stupid season finale's.

Sadly, I've had enough friends being pregnant and having babies to sit there the entire episode and say things like "Jesus, there is no way Rachel would be that skinny if she were pregnant." Or "she just went through labor for like forty hours, how can she look half-way decent? Most of my friends looked exhausted afterwards."

Why does anyone still care about that show?

And I know you do cause we all do.

Found this job-posting on Monster.com. If anyone can explain to me what this position is about, please feel free to e-mail me....

Bowne & Co., Inc., established 1775, is the global market leader in the field of empowering information by combining superior customer service with appropriate new technologies to manage, repurpose and distribute a client's information to any audience, through any medium, in any language, anywhere in the world. We are also the world's largest financial printer.

(I'm pretty sure that when Bowne was created, way back in 1775, that's what their mission statement was- to be the global market leader in the field of empowering information....blah...blah....blah. I can see Jedidiah Bowne giving this exact speech to his investors when he started the company. Can anyone tell me what Bowne does? And I love the last line. It's kind of done like "oh yeah, we're also this.")

ACCOUNTABILITIES (isn't this the same thing as, Responsibilities?)
Sales: Aligns Customer Service output with customer needs. (what?)

Customer Service Interface:(again what? Do they mean Customer Service here?)

Job Management: Coordinates jobs internally from typesetting through EDGAR filing to manufacturing and monitors progress at each phase. (EDGAR?)

Management: Supervises and coaches customer service team. (Does this mean giving pep talks during breaks and breaking down things on chalkboards?)

MANAGERIAL
Adapts and Develops Self: The ability to handle day-to-day work challenges confidently; able to adjust to multiple and changing work demands; learn from experience....(Wow, this job sounds better than a job, it's an internal journey. It's not just a job, it's zen.)

Bowne Balanced Planning Support: The ability to support the implementation of the initiatives, programs, and measurements in the Balanced Plan. Implies capitalizing on opportunities to explain the need for the Plan and demonstrating by action support of the Plan.(Oh yeah, the famous Bowne Balanced Plann. Just a question, how do you get experience in this without actually working there. Unless of course, I missed courses in Bowne Balanced Plans while I was busy reading Camus and Chaucer in college. Stupid me)

Bowne Quality Journey Support: The ability to support Bowne’s Quality Journey and the need for continuous improvement. Implies attention to internal and external customer requirements and focuses behavior toward improvement. Not only "talks the talk" but "walks the talk."(Again, it's just not a job, it's journey. It's like when you're done with the job, you'll be a Bowne Jedi Knight or something like that.)

Problem Solving/Judgement: The ability to relate and compare data from different sources, identify and analyze problems to explore issues, secure relevant information, correctly identify relationships and make the best decision. The ability to use the Bowne Problem Solving Process. This skill implies decisiveness, a willingness to commit to action once alternative solutions have been weighted.(Bowne Problem Solving Process? Is it more of Cartesian or Socractic problem solving method?)

Results Oriented: The ability to drive for results and success; convey a sense of urgency and persist despite obstacles and opposition.(What do they mean by obstacles and opposition? Are we talking Indiana Jones type obstacles? Are they looking for someone who'll stand up against the mob or something? Is a job well done something like the last scene of "On the Waterfront"?)

You know how earlier I lost that job because I might have not had enough HR experience? Is that what they mean, that I don't have the ability to fucking write shit like this?

Anyways.....

Oh-my-Gawd, Oh-my-Gawd, Oh-my-Gawd!

It's the Friends baby! Tonight!

Oh-my-Gawd, Oh-my-Gawd, Oh-my-Gawd!

And I got tix to see the 3:15 showing of Attack of the Clones.

Unemployment does have it's privileges, you know.