I watched the scariest, most horrific, terrifying movie ever made tonight. Something way scarier than Hitchcock or Halloween or "The Shining"-- Jesus Camp. I made it only fifteen minutes through, when the ten year old boy with a bad, rat tail of a mullet and a friend sat there watching a video making fun of evolution before I decided I couldn't watch anymore and switched to something much cheerier- the second to last episode of last season's "the Wire" (otherwise known as the second most depressing episode of tv ever put on the air (the final episode of that season being the most depressing, of course). I'm going to finish watching it, though, but I'm probably going to need some wine to make it through.

Scariest damn zombie movie I've ever seen and I thought "28 Weeks Later" was fantastic.

Notes on a quicky trip to Montana-

-I got stuck in the Denver airport for five hours as my flight was delayed several hours due to snow. Long story, but suffice to say, I'm one of those lucky people who can now say they've spent about two hours on the tarmac waiting to take off.

-While all of this was going on, I noticed that pretty much the moment it started snowing in Denver and things were looking rather dicey, every United official disappeared. There was absolutely nobody with a United uniform to be seen anywhere. It's like the moment they realized the shit was about to hit the fan, they got a call from command central telling them to get the fuck out of there. Where they were, I have no idea (lounge room? bar? at home?) but it wasn't until flights started up again that you started seeing a few at gates.

-United has this new thing where for an extra $30, you can upgrade to "Economy Plus" and get an extra five inches of legroom. I cannot understate just what a great deal this is and just how nicer flying is with actual legroom. Highly recommended.

And now onto the fun stuff

On my way to Montana, I got my shaving cream and toothpaste confiscated. They were both normal size and, yes, I should know that technically neither are allowed, but I still thought it would be okay. I haven't had them confiscated on some flights I've been on and they are toothpaste and shaving cream. Ålso, I'm testing them in a little way, seeing if the people behind the scanner also realize how idiotic all of this is and let it slide because it's only a fucking thing of shaving cream and toothpaste (in reading about security rules, several people point out that all security does when confiscating something is put them in a giant basket, meaning that if one of those things were a bomb, there's not a damn thing done to make sure that bomb goes off)..

As a result, I had to buy those little traveling kits, making me think that most security rules are merely done as a result of the lobbying from airport confectionaries

On my way back out of Billings, security stopped my bag while going through the x-ray machine, met for a few minutes, and then my bag was taken off to be searched. They went through everything to see what the offending item was and pulled out my traveling bag to examine what was in it, mainly the regulation size toothpaste and shaving cream. Upon discovering this, the security person told me that this was an issue because I needed to put this into a plastic bag. So I said that, no, it's not in a plastic bag but that it's in a bag, albeit a black traveling bag. I was then told I needed to put it into a plastic bag anyways and so I argued that not only is it in a bag, but the items in it are all regulation. I was then told again that it doesn't matter because it needs to be put into a plastic bag to which I once again argued that it's in a bag and that it's all small enough to be allowed by security. Once again, I was told that this was all a security problem because they are not put into a plastic bag. Finally, after the third or fourth go round, the security person actually grabbed a plastic bag and put my shaving cream and toothpaste into a plastic bag, put it into my carry on luggage, and let me go, secure in knowing that I could possibly not commit any sort of heinous Al Qeda like hijacking because my tiny case of shaving cream and toothpaste were in a plastic bag.

For a few seconds, I thought it was finally going to be who leads the revolution, the "this is all retarded" revolution, the one that finally frees us plane travelers from the yoke of ridiculous security measures dreamed up by a bunch of mindless bureaucrats and chicken-shit politicians to pacify a largely ignorant mass who doesn't care what ridiculous security measures are implemented just as long as some official tells them that it'll keep everyone safe and secure from the one in a billion chance that some middle-eastern dude will hijack their plane and try and fly it into a large skyscraper. Someday, somebody is going to start the revolution it and maybe it'll be me.

Or maybe not.

The scary thing is that there's a good chance these measures will be the norm for now and forever on. Everybody (well most people who know what's going on) knows these measures are bullshit but what chances are there that somebody will have enough guts to say "you know, this whole shoe thing is ridiculous. From now on, you can leave your shoes on?" If you say almost zero or no way in hell, you're probably right because if they did, there's enough jackasses (who all know better) who'll scream and shout and the vast array of masses will start screaming about how they'll no longer feel safe.

But what happens next? What happens if some terrorist tries to blow something up using a hairbrush? Does that mean hairbrushes will be banned? Or, god forbid, an iPod. Will they be banned too and if so, will that finally be the moment people say "fuck this?"

But then, on one of my flights, I was thinking: you know how before you take off, they run through all those things that airplanes come equipped with in case of an accident? You know, like life preservers and rafts and what not? Are all of those things really necessary? For the life of me, I can't actually remember an incident in which an airliner went down in some ocean and everybody survived by grabbing their seat to stay afloat and hop onto one of those life rafts they always tell you about. On my flight from Billings to Denver, the flight attendants told several people with babies who were sitting on their laps that in case there was a "water landing," they have extra life preservers for the babies. This for a flight between Montana and Colorado, two places in which the chances of having a "water landing" is nearly impossible.

But you know what? I feel safer knowing that if, God forbid, the plane lands over the Pacific Ocean or someplace, I'll be able to use my seat as a life preserver and be able to survive on a raft. Even though I know this is pretty ridiculous.

So maybe just as all that bullshit about floating seats and slides makes me feel better about flying, all that stuff about taking off shoes makes other people feel safe and isn't that what it's all about?

Still, those security measures are fucking bullshit.

It's weird working on Christmas Eve, especially when it's a Monday. And you also happen to live in a place that doesn't look that much different today than any other day, except less crowded. I rode into work this morning, hearing all the Christmas tunes being played-- not the usual stuff, but the serious, never played stuff-- and I wondered why until I realized it was Christmas Eve. In fact, if you didn't listen to the radio and just stayed inside the apartment, you'd never know it's the birthday of little Baby Jesus.

Kinda a strange day. Anyways, off to Montana

I don't want to be in the business of posting my Sfist stuff on here, but I thought this was relevant in light of this week's big news:

Man, that Jamie Lynn Spears story is tremendous. Just stupendously tremendous. It's like the movie "Idiocracy" (which, yes, CJ I've seen)-- It's pretty bad, but it's central premise is that civilization is not "evolving" but "devolving." The reason is because while all the well-educated, intelligent folks aren't having lots of kids because they're too busy with their careers and self-actualizing, all the dumb-ass redneck hillbillies are. In other words, the Spears family.

Today, it's..... Fear and Loathing on the Job Hunt!!!!!!!!!!

-There was this agency for which I interviewed maybe a month ago. Things went really well and I really liked the place but I never got that oh so awesome "we want to hire you" phone call. When I checked in, I was told that they really wanted to give me a job offer, but they wanted to hire someone as a freelancer at first and they couldn’t offer me the job because I only wanted to go full-time. That was, apparently, a hitch. They even told me that they’ll look around for a few weeks and and if they can’t find anybody, they’ll let me know and they’ll bring me in again, the job hunting equivalent of “I really want to date you but I can’t commit to anyone right now so let me go on a few more dates and if I don’t find anybody else, we can totally go out.”

After a week or so, I decided to screw it (partly out of panic, partly because I had a really good feeling about the place) and sent an email essentially saying "Let's Make a Deal." A few days later, I got an email from my contact saying she was going away for a few days but will give me a call to figure something out when she gets back.

Anyways, one thing leads to another and I don't hear back from them when they said they would. Today, I finally heard back from them . Apparently, they found somebody in the past week who they wanted to bring in for five weeks. If it works out, they’ll hire them full time. If it doesn’t, hey, wanna job?

All of which means I am now essentially rooting for somebody to fuck up so I can get their job.

-I have an interview with some agency this week but I forgot when exactly it is. I know-- boneheaded, but they did call me to reschedule the interview around 6 while I was on 101 and didn't have anything to write it down. I was also too busy concentrating on not getting into an accident. So now I have to figure out a way of finding out what time the interview is while not letting them I couldn't remember when the interview is.

-And finally...

Had an interview last Friday morning. Due to various reasons , I went into the interview a little tired, a little hungover and seriously deficient in both coffee and breakfast.

The interview was one of those types where I'm supposed to meet with three different people over a two and a half session, one of those long, grueling type situations. The first interview was pretty good-- she was actually a fan of mine from SFist (one of my few) and everything went well.

The second interview, however, was not so good. The guy I met with basically babbled on for over half-an-hour, telling me everything from his work experience to what he's done at the company to his philosophy on life to what a great place to work this company is. Over this entire thing, he basically asked one question and let me get in about ten words.

It was HELL.

This being an interview, of course, I had to pretend I was totally into it and that it was the most fascinating thing I had ever heard. All of which meant that over the entire thing, I had to exert a whole lot of energy:
1)Ttrying to pay attention
2)Trying not to fall asleep

Towards the end, the only thing I could think of (other than how much I wanted coffee and a burrito) was, essentially "Jesus Christ, get me out of here."

Luckily, the dude went too long, way past his allotted half-an-hour and so when it was over, my scheduled interview time was over. When I was asked if I wanted to stick around and finish up, I told them I had to get back to my job, gave everyone a hand-shake, and ran to the first coffee shop I could find.

Yes, I finally got comments working again so comment away. I need all the comfort I can get. The thing about comments is that I had it all set up but a certain company that is planning on world domination bought blogger and has made it infinitely harder to use primarily because they are making it so only people who use that company for purposes of sending emails can safely navigate the seas of blogger. If you happen to use, say, another company's email account, obstacles are thrown in your way so as to punish you for not using the Overlords of Blogger's email address.

Lest you think I've gotten too serious lately...

I rewatched all the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy for like the tenth time (thank you TNT) and now I'm wondering about how, if Gandalf is such a great, kick-ass, wizard, he doesn't do much actual wizarding. Oh, he occasionally makes some light come out of his staff, knows his shit, and pretty good with a sword but he doesn't actually do much in the way of magic. During all the travails that make up the books/movies, couldn't he do something like affect the weather? Like create a super-powerful wind to knock things over? Or maybe come up with some magic covering to fend off the snow? Or knock people over with some sort of magic spell or curse somebody or just do a little bit of something that actually help more than he's already helping. Couldn't he magically "beam" them out of some tough scrap or make them invisible? After all, you'd think that with him being a wizard, they could have gotten out of some of the scrapes they were in if he actually did some magic.

Althought I haven't seen much in the way of a debate online, but I'm pretty sure Gandalf would beat Dumbledore. Some guy named Gandalf will always beat somebody named Albud Dumbledore. But Dumbledore (and all the other wizards, actually) did things. Like curse people or stun people or change people from animal to human or vice versa or do spells and potions and maniuplate time. The wizards in "Harry Potter" even fly on brooms, appariate, and even shoot things out of their wands. Any number of things that actually helps people when they're stuck in a bit of a spot.

Why couldn't Gandalf do any of that?

Okay, so the answer to the question of why I'm reading the "Left Behind" books-

Because it's cheesy fun?

Definately, yes.

But there's something else to it. These books, despite it all, are hugely popular in the US. Millions and millions of people buy these things. Now, it's hard to tell whether people actually belive half the stuff or whether they're like Harry Potter for Jesus Freaks. Just as people who read Harry Potter do so because who doesn't want to be a wizard, hang out at Hogwarts, and learn all sorts of cool spells that help you defeat bad people, maybe the Left Behind folks read the books because they all want to be Super-Christians, have their paranoid fantasies come true, and fight to help bring back the return of Jesus.

Or maybe they believe it all.

One of the guys who wrote the books, Tim LaHaye is a big figure in Republican politics. He just endorsed Mike Huckabee (who apparently is a big fan) in fact. He is also some big figure in some super shadowy religious cabal with major influence within the Republican Party, especially the Bush administration. Bush himself gave a speech to LaHaye's organization in 1999 that the White House refuses to release as it's expected it's full of crazy. LaHaye, himself, has said that the book is somewhat true, or, at least, possibly about to be true.

So I'm reading it partially because it's important to read because it gives you an understanding of how the Red Staters think.

And what can we see about the people who are into the book: to read the subtext is to give you an understanding of just what lurks beneath all of that. Jews are seen as kind of nice, affable, people who are tragically doomed because they backed the wrong Messiah. They're kind of like those nice, kind of loser friends who you know will be stuck to being losers unless they change their ways (in the books, meaning convert). And then there's all the fear about anything "One World"-like, meaning anything that unites the world. The U.N., after all, is extremely powerful in the book and the Anti-Christ (who is European) achieves his power through the U.N and brings people together for awhile until he starts nuking people). I'm not quite sure why all the one-world paranoia and whether it's just a function of xenophobia or because that's what the prophecies say so things like the U.N. or any sort of agreement that brings countires and people together is seen as evil and wrong because it's a manifestion of the Anti-Christ. All those whacky militias that ran loose in the '90s are seen as heroes in the book.

The group that really takes it on the chin are the Catholics. It is first said that not many Catholics are raptured. The Pope, however, is but it's said that before he got Raptured, instituted a bunch of reforms to Catholocism that made it more Protestant-like. When the Anti-Christ unites all the religions to create one giant religion (somethat that is very, very bad), it is the new Pope who runs it all. And, finally, once the evil bad guy takes over, he is referred to in the same ways that the Pope is referred to.

In other words, these books maybe dumb and maybe stupid, but there's a lot to learn from them.

They still kind of suck, though

Ever since the campaign started in earnest, I've been sitting on the fence, trying to decide what to do and which horse to back. All I knew is that in no way, shape, or form did I want Hillary even near the candidacy. There are many main reasons for this, but the biggest one is that the only reason why she's even in position to do what she's doing is because she was the wife of a very popular and good President. So-- who to vote, then?

I like Edwards vim and vigor and his proposals seem sharper than the others. And when it comes down to it, I don't see a black man or a woman actually winning the Presidency and this makes Edwards the obvious choice.

Still, I can't but help gravitate towards Barack Obama Superstar. I think if I were to come up with a perfect candidate, in terms of integrity and intelligence, it would be him. But mainly it's because I think the idea of electing a multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, deep thinking black might just be the best thing for the country. A way of redeeming us for the past eight years as he really represents the best of what America is. Still, I don't think that a multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, deep thinking black man will EVER be elected President, or at least now. I just like the idea that we might actually elect one.

And that's reason enough to support him, isn't it?

Had an interview today with what would have been a perfect job. Have been because it was one of those interviews where they obviously don't have any time to talk to you and the one person who meets with you has no idea how to conduct an interview.

Goody.

Anyways, we were talking away and the person I was talking to said "I gotta cut this short because I have a conference call in a few minutes that I have to get ready for. I thought that was normal until I started to wonder if that is sort of the job searching equivelant of "I have to get up early next morning..."

One more thing, I was wearing a suit, although affecting a "business casual" look as befitting talking to an ad agency (I once went in wearing a full suit and was told by everyone in the interview that I didn't need to dress up). Anyways, the HR person who I first met with took me to the lunch room to get me some water and before we went in, she turned around, looked me up and down, and said "oh, I should have told you, no jeans."

What?

As much as I hate to admit, I'm having a lot of problems getting into the second of the "Left Behind" books. The main reason is the just absolutely atrocious writing, but that's only one of a few things.

One of the crazier things I'm having trouble wrapping my head arouns is the logic in all of this. I know this is considered somewhat fantasy/sci-fi, but I think a lot of people kinda believe that this is all possible or could happen or God knows what (pun intended). So, too read it, you have to believe that the UN is actually a powerful force in the world. And that the leader of the UN is actually a really, really powerful person. Also, according to all the End of Days speculation, the Anti-Christ will build his new kingdom in New Babylon, which is pretty much Iraq. Therefore, the reader has to believe that it's a perfectly reasonable thing for the new head of the UN (aka, the Anti-Christ) to decide to move the UN to, yes, Iraq. And not only that, the Anti-Christ is going around making all of the countries in the world to disarm and has decided that he is going to take all the discarded weapons to the HQ of the UN to New Babylon. Which means that to all of the people reading it and actually enjoying the book and even buying into some of it, the idea of some guy taking up all the arms in the world and stashing them in Iraq is no big deal.

Also, you have to believe that Cameron "Buck" Williams, noted bon vivant, rebel journalist, world-famous celebrity, and infamous rebel is, in fact, a 30 year old virgin.

One of the other problems I'm having is that there is now a romance going on between Buck and Rayford Steele's 21 year old daughter (who attends Stanford where there is apparently an airport). The romance is handled so well it makes the romance in "Attack of the Clones" seem like "Casablanca."

And finally, there's the fact that the first book dealt mainly with people who weren't big on Jesus and how they discovered the error of their ways. So now that all the heroes are really religious, I'm finding that the "Left Behind" books now have entirely too much Jesus in them.

And your masturbatory wank-off of the week is from this story on Slate.com about how "Stairway to Heaven" ruined Zeppelin:

Page had developed a new approach to rock, based on a multilayered "guitar army" (his words), ragalike uses of sevens and fives in meter, insistent drones drawn from folk music, and hypnotic, shifting cycles that swirled around you (during the elongated endings to "Celebration Day" and "Out On the Tiles" on Led Zeppelin III), and which sometimes sucked you right under (the sublime closing minutes of "When the Levee Breaks")... Does "Stairway to Heaven" possess these qualities? Absolutely not. The guitar army, yes, that is there. But this song is not just atypical of Zeppelin's music, it is unique among their epic tracks in that it privileges melodic/lyrical development at the expense of rhythmic exploration and timbral/psychoacoustic experimentation."

And all this about a song about a bustle in the hedgerow

It appears that Super Mondo has decided to go Green and as a result, they are now using recycled toilet paper. Now, I don't know about you but that stuff is kind of rough. So, let's just say you're having issues with your stomach, and, well, it can be kind of a painful day.

I'll just leave it at that.

At work, they've added a new snack to the vending machine-- fries & ketchup potato chips. And it's exactly what it says it is-- snack food item that tastes kind of potato-y (like potato sticks and a little like fritos) with the definite, walloping taste of ketchup. It is, as one would expect, just God-awful. Hideous even. The best part? It's a product apparently made by "Burger King" which, I guess, is now trying to break into the vending machine business. What's next? Whopper chips?

Oh, the chips have no "trans fats" so they're healthy!

And speaking of crazy, amazing products, Harlan and I saw some woman on BART reading a book called "Mandingo Love" The cover of the book consisted of a a picture inside a heart of the backside of a big, black guy with what is definately a woman in front of him, in a much lower position, with her hands reaching up his backside. You can see the picture here.

All you need to know about the book is the description given on Amazon: "African natives Martzu and De'shawntu Poitier are proud to have raised such a fine son. Ambitious and levelheaded, De'marco Poitier is on the right track straight out of high school. He and his sweetheart Jennifer are making wise decisions for their future. De'marco has what all the ladies want. After receiving hands-on love making lessons from Connie he is laying it down in between the sheets and loving every minute of it. ...After an unlikely admirer gets a piece of De'marco and sees firsthand that De'marco is packing the notorious Mandingo love-piece, a plot is devised to make De'marco their own."

Now you would think such a book would be from the '70s when things were a bit looser and books looked like that. But you would be wrong-- the book was written a few years ago. And you would also think that this little piece of erotica would be from like Playboy or Penthouse. But once again, you would be wrong: it's by "Penhouse Publishing."

So today at work, this guy walked in at the same time I did. Now this guy is a talker, one of those guys who likes to chat away while at the urinals. But today, he went not to the urinal but to the stall and started doing that business one does when one goes to a stall. The thing was, he did it while also simultaneously having a conversation with me. Now I'm not a talker when it comes to the bathroom. I'm one of those "get in, do your business, and get out" types. But a chat is okay. But not while someone is taking a shit. Among other things, do you have to sit there the entire time carrying on the conversation? How do you end it? And when does his business on a toilet, one tends to make noise so for all intents and purposes, you're conversing with somebody who is farting merilly as he goes.

And the thing is he did it twice today.

So thanks to my purchasing all those "Left Behind" books, Amazon keeps on sending me recommendations for all these Christian books. Like "How to Surive the Rapture." Or "Jesus: Will He Return Tomorrow or in a Week." So now I'm a little worried that Amazon has me pegged as some sort of Jesus freak. So, what should I do? Maybe order that Christopher Hitchin's book about how God is bad? Or maybe the "Golden Compass" which apparently has as it's denoument God being killed?

As those deal with religion, maybe they won't work as they all deal with God in one way or the other. So, maybe I should order some book with lots and lots of sex. Maybe that'll confuse them?