I'm off to Jersey for another wedding- the ole red-eye, in and out quickie trip to the other Coast. Yee-haw. Love the fact that the next time I go to sleep will be on an air mattress at my Aunt's house Saturday Night. This wedding is even more of a big deal because there's this big family brouhaha over wedding presents. And I'm walking right into it.

Last year I flew out for my (other- the sister of this cousin) cousin's wedding but didn't buy a present. Silly me thought that just flying out cross country and spending money on air fare and tux rentals while in the midst of deep unemployment was good enough (okay, granted it was around Passover and I was going home anyways and I just cashed in my 401K and I spent a lot of time with friends, but that's not the point here). After all, isn't it more important to be at a wedding than not be at a wedding? Shouldn't my coming out with everything else going on in my life be seen as something significant in and of itself?

Guess not.

I've been to a lot of weddings in my life and I hate to admit that I haven't really bought my friend's much in the way of wedding presents. When I was younger, I was barely making any money and it was a big deal just to be able to make it to the wedding. Then when I got older, I kept on getting laid off and couldn't really afford a present as I wasn't really working. I kind of feel really bad about not buying a lot of my friend's wedding presents and wish that I could somehow make up for it, but oh well. It's been way over a year and way past the allotted time for buying a present. My friend's, however, have been real cool about it. They knew I was hurting money-wise and just wanted me to be there. Crazy them think that's the point of the whole wedding-thing. Of course, they could all be holding major-ass grudges against me, one I won't find out about until I get married and wind up not getting any presents, but luckily, the way things have gone, I'm not any close to finding out what'll happen when I get married.

Now comes this wedding. Once again, I'm schlepping out to Jersey for a couple of days to attend and while I am gainfully employed, I'm still reeling in debt from being unemployed. I'm also leaving at a time when things are really busy and when I barely have enough vacation time to even take vacation time off. But I still have to buy a present now because my Aunt has been in full snit over the whole present thing. So, despite schlepping out for a quickie two-day trip, besides taking a horrendous red-eye flight that includes a three-hour lay-over in Chicago, besides shelling out just over $400 in plane fare and probably another $100 in travelling expenses, it's still not enough. I have to buy a present. This little trip, this wedding is already costing me half a grand and yet I have to shell out some more.

Then I started thinking about Thank You cards. The crazy thing is that you get a Thank You card for bringing a present, but not one for attending. Over the weekend I was talking about this with a friend (and in his first official Hooray for Anything shout-out, hi KB!). In his family, there's a tradition of having the weddings in September. Since he's a teacher, he can't really go back because school's in session. And because he's a teacher it's not like he can afford to fly back East for a wedding, especially with a wife and child to support. His mother, though, buys presents in their name and sends it to the family member whose wedding it is. He doesn't attend, has his mother buy wedding gifts, and gets Thank You cards. I attend, don't buy presents, but get no Thank You card.

And no, not that I care that much about the Thank You card. Really, I don't. It's just something that's a little off about weddings- don't attend and send some Salt & Pepper Shaker from Williams Sonoma, an act that takes about five minutes to do online and get a Thank You card. Shell out half-a-grand and take some unholy red eye flight but don't buy a present and get no Thank You note.

Does this, then, mean that the actual wedding present is more important than attending the wedding? If I blew off my cousin's wedding and only sent a present, would I be in better shape with my Aunt? Should I have not gone to any wedding that I went too and just bough them something instead?

What the hell am I doing flying out there for this thing?