The headline of People Magazine screamed at me as I waited in line at Safeway: "Julie Roberts: Single and Loving It!" I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God our little Golden Girl is happy being single. What with my unemployment and brokeness, my herniated disc and other assorted problems, not to mention all the bad news out of Washington, Afghanistan and the Middle East, I now know that at least I don't have to worry about Julia Roberts anymore. It had been keeping me up at night. How she couldn't find true love and how she broke up with Benjamin Bratt and then ran off with that married cameraman. And how all of her relationships seemed to be ill-fated and that I was really, really worried that poor Julia would be doomed to a life of loneliness and broken-hearted sadness, haunted by the ghosts of failed relationship ships and having nobody she could spend that $20 million per picture with.

But Julia IS happy now. It's true. "People" Magazine wouldn't lie about things like this, would they?

I can rest easier now.