The Great Depression 2:The Reckoning

Since my contract gig finished up, I went back on unemployment. Usually, unemployment benefits roll over so if I go on it, work for three months, I can still can hold on to the three months I had before and add on whatever I just earned. When I got my latest unemployment check, this didn't appear to be true and that I had way less money in it than I had before.

This is not good.

I tried calling unemployment to see what's up but I couldn't get through. This didn't surprise me as having been in this situation before, I know EDD is hard to reach. One of the ironies, of course, of recessions is that in order to balance the state budget, people who work in unemployment are laid off so that there's less people to handle the greatly increasing numbers of unemployed.

Because I've gone through this before, I went off to the EDD office because they have a special phone line which makes it easier to get through. I thought this was something only I knew but when I got there, the 10 or so phone banks to EDD were all being used and there was a line of people waiting to use one of the phone banks. Some guy at the front desk was complaining to the desk clerk that he had given up after about 45 tries and while I was in line, I heard somebody tell the security guy that the average wait time to get someone from EDD on the phone-- remember, this is the special phone line-- was an hour.

After waiting for about ten minutes, I finally got my phone but had to give up 15 minutes into it because I had only put enough money into the parking meter for half an hour, not thinking the whole thing would take double that time. When I left, I asked the guard what would be the best time to come back and call and he told me around 8 AM but then told me how to work it from home so that I could bypass a lot of the voice mail and reach an operator sooner. I thanked him and took off, determined that I was going to get up early the next day and call.

The next morning, I got up at 8 (which is early for me when I'm unemployed) and called but once again ran into voicemail hell. After about 45 minutes and about 50 attempts, I finally made it through to an employee who told me to reapply as an extension has been given.

Couple of other things about the unemployment office, one was the obvious class division between people there-- between the people who looked definitely working class and those who weren't. You could tell by those who had iPhones and those who didn't. The guy in the booth next to me was 62 and obviously Upper Middle Class who had been laid off about five months ago. 62 is a bad, bad age to be laid off because no business is going to hire a 62 year old, meaning it's early and not necessarily planned retirement for him or Safeway. The other interesting thing was the 30-something Yuppie woman who walked in listening to music on her Blackberry. She walked in and asked to use one of the computers. I don't know if it's because EDD has some sort of database she can only get there, but I thought it was weird. Could it be that this 30-something yuppie woman was now computerless, or at least internet-less, because of cutting expenses?

It is a sad fact of unemployment that most of the responses to a posted Craigslist resume are usually scams, either for some sort of telemarketing/sales type position or some job board. The trick, of course, is to make the spam mail seem real and accurate enough to trick the less-savvy out there. Some of these emails look pretty legit too, almost enough to make me go "hmmm...." Still, I don't think any email from somebody with the name Gums Ferrell is going to fool anybody.

So what have I been doing lately? I started up another blog, under my revolution nom de plum, Fielding Mellish-- Up Against the Wall Motherfuckers. Cause desperate times call for desperate times. And 'cause maybe Robespierre wasn't half bad.

It's still a work in progress but viva la revolucion!

And Your Job Posting of the Day Is....

Looking for person/persons, preferrably a couple between 20 and 40 interested in maintaining website and numerous blog sites for Castro Valley nudist club affiliated with American Assoc. of Nude Recreation. Being a nudist is not a requirement, but preferrable as we feel you would better promote our club. Responsibilities would include maintaining our website with our established server and blogging to groups interested in organized nude recreation; to include hiking, cyling, figure drawing, photography, athletic competition, yoga, and general relaxation in the sun. We are a family oriented club and desire to seek younger professionals. Compensation would be equivalent to full membership in our club and possibly additional monetary compensation.

Excuse Me While I Whip This Out

Obama's so dominated the news over the past two years that it seems like a lifetime since Numbnuts was President but in reality it's been a few days past a month. The result is that the thrill of his being President just doesn't thrill like it used to. Still, there is a moment now or then, like tonight, when the reality of it all hits and the goosebumps comes and you realize that we have an intelligent, thoughtful person as President and a bunch of Democrats in charge and for the first time in, like, forever, there's sanity coming out of DC. Oh, and the President happens to be black too.

This Post is So Blank that I'm Not Sure Why You're Reading It

Don't ask my why but I've become obsessed with the theme from the "Match Game." I can't get it out of my head. I'm so obsessed with it that I tried to find it on itunes so I could make it my ring tone. It's not on iTunes (darn) but to get my "Match Game" theme song obsession filled, I went on YouTube to see if I could find anything related to it's theme. Naturally, I found at least three clips of the theme song, two of them that just showed an image from the show while the song played and the other clip showed the actual intro of the show PLUS a clip of Bowser from Sha Na Na playing the theme song on a small, toy piano right after being introduced on the show. Naturally, finding something like this both fills with me glee and wonderment in that somebody out there somewhere decided it was worth their time to capture the clip from tv and then post it on YouTube. I'm not sure that's a good thing or not.

I had the same sort of feeling years ago when I found a clip of Gene Gene the Dancing Machine from "the Gong Show" on YouTube. Who are these people?

As part of my "Match Game" obsession lately (and no, I don't dvr reruns from the Game Show Network and Harlan and I NEVER watch them), I decided to see what I could about the show, partly to confirm the rumors I had heard that basically everyone was drunk during the filming. Naturally, Wikipedia had an entry. A very long entry. In true Wikipedia fashion, the entry was just about the same length as a posting on Napoleon as it went into who was on the show and when and the differences in questions and rules between this season and that season and when Charles Neilsen Reilly was on and when he wasn't and why. This then led to research into Richard Dawson and Gene Rayburn as well as a few others because, really, who is Richard Dawson? It's not like you ever hear of him anymore or, actually, ever. Did you know that he was so good at guessing the correct answer in the final Match Game prize round that they changed the just so people wouldn't pick him all the time? Or that he was given the Family Feud to host partly because of his popularity from the show and partly because the rest of the "Match Game" cast was jealous of all the attention he got?

I mean, WHO KNEW?

Nicole Kidman is the Fifth Cylon

In viewing Nicole Kidman at the Oscars and deciding that Nicole Kidman has long since died and been replaced by an animatronic robot.

I think I said this before, but award shows & hi-def tv do not mix. Do Not Mix At All. Half the actresses and actors look like the kid from Mask due to all the botox that's been injected and several actresses-- Anne Hathaway, I'm looking at you-- look like they've been partying for weeks. Or that could just be all the food they've been puking up lately to fit into their dresses, either one.

Seriously actors/actresses/old people-- botoxed faces do not look good in Hi Def TV.

Modern Times

Harlan went looking for a cell phone yesterday and ran into one of the main problems of this here technological age, it's impossible to buy something that just does what it's supposed to do. All she wanted to do was buy a phone-- a simple, basic cell phone that allows you to take make calls, answer calls, txt people, and take pictures of our cat-- in other words, you know, a phone. The problem is that nobody actually sells cell phones that just do the actual phone part anymore. They all come with music and web capabilities and the ability to send email and watch tv shows and shoot laser guided missiles. Naturally, this means that they're leaning towards the expensive which may or may not be the reason they no longer make phone phones anymore.

This is one of my big pet peeves about modern technology because as much as I love my baby-- the iPhone-- there's a huge list of things that exist primarily to serve one function yet they're loaded down with so much crap that they're almost impossible to do the one function that they're supposed to do. Like my arch-office-nemesis, the photo copier. The photo copier basically exists so people can make copies of something. Thus it's name. But they're loaded down with so much crap that it's often impossible to actually copy anything. Copy something, translate it into Aramaic and then blast it into outer space to try and reach Aramaic speaking aliens, sure. But to actually copy something....

It's the same problem I have whenever I want to buy sneakers. I just want plain old, plain old sneakers. Unfortunately, they don't sell just plain old sneakers anymore. There's "running shoes" and "soccer shoes" and "walking very fast shoes" as well as shoes that you can pump up and shoes that light up like cylons and shoes that are made to look like they've been signed by a famous sports athlete by a bunch of 14 year old kids in China, but no plain, normal sneakers.

Every couple of months I get a notice from the Parking Police saying I'm late on paying a parking ticket. The thing is I always pay them a day or two after I get them and I haven't gotten a ticket in awhile. Today, I got a notice about a ticket I got the day after Christmas despite the fact I don't recall a ticket on the day after Christmas and I'm pretty sure I was okay then because I've been keeping good track of when and where I park.

At this rate, I'm thinking they're just sending me fake parking tickets in hopes that I'll think that I forgot to pay the ticket and send them in more money.

While driving around today, I put on some good ole Right wing radio and heard some guy start going on and on about human infallibility and how nobody is perfect and makes mistakes. Pretty interesting stuff. Then he goes and starts saying that because people are infallible, it makes no sense for the government to have a large say in the affairs of people because people in the government are infallible and if they make a mistake, hundreds and thousands of people could be affected. This is why we need tax cuts, because people's are solidly in control of their lives and not in the hands of some government bureaucrat. The stimulus package, therefore, is bad because it means that infallible people will now run the economy.

Ummm....has he paid attention to the past few months?

Some dipshit at Bank of America comes up with some scheme using subprime mortgages and derivatives and hands off mortgages to a bunch of people who have no right to have a mortgage and he just affected thousands-- millions-- of people. If there was anything proven by the recent problems, it's that government should be more involved not less.

Then there's the point that if we give money to people via less taxes, they'll know what to do with it and all of our problems will be saved. But again, look at the mess we're in now-- people with no money went and spent what money they didn't have to buy things they shouldn't have been able to buy or probably really didn't need to buy. Seriously, people out there buy snuggies, garden gnomes and wind catchers. Basing an entire economic/social policy on allowing giving people more money to buy shamwows maybe isn't the best idea.

And another thing....I'm hearing out there all these statements as to the affect that we can't do this policy or fund this bill or propose this plan because it might upset the financial markets or hurt the banks or what have not. OMG! The Stock Market is going down! Quick, do something that will appease the financial markets! Cut capital gains or somebody's going to get it!

You know what? Fuck 'em. They're responsible for all of this. They've been the one's who jerryrigged our economic system and the people who are responsible for the financial markets are the one's who screwed the pooch. Frankly, they should be happy Americans are too fat and lazy to get off their asses and do something about all of this because in another country and in another time, it would be off with their heads. At this point, if the stimulus bill contained something about how in reward for receiving money that would bail their asses out, they'll have to spend months cleaning porta potties in the worst inner-city communities while wearing their most expensive suits and without the use of gloves, they should just "Sir, yes, sir" and SUCK IT UP.

Maybe Robespierre was onto something?

For those of you wondering what I've been doing while unemployed, I've been working on a new book entitled "The McMansions of Wrath." In the book, Tom Joad is a Mortgage Broker in Stockton and when he loses his job, he forecloses his McMansion and puts the family into the SUV (wife Jayde and their daughter Madison and their son Logan) and heads out to Oklahoma where there's low unemployment in hopes he can get a job at a local WalMart. On the way, they face such difficulties as having to sell off some of his wife's jewelry on Ebay to pay for gas, an inability to buy batteries for the kids PSPs thus causing much trauma, a lack of internet connection in several KOA campsites, many jokes in his direction at being either gay or a hippy when it's discovered he's from California, having to sell off the kid's Star Wars dvd collection to a pawn shop in Reno when Tom blows half the nest egg on Texas Hold 'Em, and the eventual repossessing of the SUV as he's been unable to pay it off. When he arrives in Oklahoma, he discovers that things aren't as easy as he thought as half of California has also relocated to Oklahoma in search of jobs.

The book ends with a soon-to-be classic speech:

"Whenever they's a fight so hungry people can eat a Big Mac, I'll be there. Whenever they's a cop harassing some dude for having California licenses, I'll be there . . . . I'll be in the way guys yell when their football team scores a touchdown an'-I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're watchin' "Miley Cyrus" an' they know it's time to go to Chili's. An' when our folks eat the stuff they buy at Whole Foods an' live in the houses they've flipped for a profit-why, I'll be there."

And here's an addendum to yesterday's post: when I was younger, my two cousins were occasionally known to be screwups (they are, however, not even close to being screwups these days in no, way, shape or form). When one of them got bad grades or did something bad, my grandmother would occasionally fly them down to the family condo in the Bahamas to cheer them up or to make them feel better about something that happened. My brother and I, however, were not screwups and so never got the invite to go the Bahamas to make us feel better.

That whole thing is starting to remind me of this whole economic recovery plans. The banks FUCK UP and they get money, including bonuses and perks for everyone. Detroit fucks up and they get money. Now with this foreclosure plan, a whole bunch of people who bought McMansions they had no right to are geting bailed out. Me? I get an extra $25 in my unemployment checks every week.

In other words, maybe I should have bought a McMansion.

I just read that story in the New Yorker about how Florida got wiped up due to the real estate bubble and how it happened and why. Which got me thinking....

When my contract ran out at Super Mondo Corporation last year, I had no debt. Didn't owe anything on my credit card, had no loans to pay off, nothing. I even bought a used car instead of a new car because I didn't want to accumulate start getting into debt. I did buy a lot of good ole consumer goods, but always within my means and managed to sock away some decent money. In other words, I did things the right way.

But now, thanks to a whole bunch of people who didn't think it weird to be able to buy a McMansion with no money down, a whole bunch of scammers out there who fed off of them, and a financial system based on a ponzi scheme, I'm screwed too.

So, anyways, thanks for all that.

Me and Harlan's favorite neighborhood joint is a sushi place a few blocks down the road from us. It's kind of random that we chose it as there's nothing particularly exciting or great about it, we just kind of started going there and going there and soon enough it became a weekly thing, something that for a long time we did every Sunday. The place has a lot of those crazy sushi rolls, including one which is baked in a toaster and comes out in aluminum foil, and we really got into the rolls. Plus, it's kind of cute in a fake-Japanese kind of way.

Anyways, we've been going there pretty much since we've moved to the Outer Richmond and they really know us now, particularly one of the waitresses, whom I guessing is the daughter of the owner. She knows us well enough that she knows most of what we want before we order and knows exactly how we like it done (we want the sushi rolls to come out all at the same time and we like forks for the baked sushi as it's too hard to grab when it's heated up). A couple of times, we were seated away from her assigned tables and she took our order anyways because she thought it would be easier that way.

The problem we're having is that for the past few months, she's been bringing us free ice cream when we're done despite the fact we've never ordered ice cream there nor do we really want the ice cream. Not that we don't like ice cream (who doesn't, especially green tea ice cream with chocolate syrup), it's just that we don't really want it. But how do we tell her that we don't want it? How does one politely go about asking for free food not to be sent our way, especially when the person giving you the food isn't very good at English? We've also realized that she's probably feeling the same way, that now that she's given us ice cream a few times, she's stuck in giving us the ice cream all the time because how could she suddenly not give it to us without thinking that she'll piss us off to the point we won't be back.

And so, every week, we eat our ice cream.

This brings up a place that we used to eat in Noe Valley. The food was pretty good and the place was really cute but the husband and wife who owned the place (the husband cooked, the wife was the waitress) we're really, really friendly. Too friendly. Often, we just wanted to have a nice, mellow dinner but we're suddenly dragged into 10-15 minute conversations with the husband and wife despite the fact the last thing we wanted to do was talk to anybody. Even worse, the husband would often come down to talk to us while we were eating. The two of them were really, really sweet and often did special things for us, but we stopped going there because we didn't like having to deal with constantly being forced into conversations. And, yes, we're awful people for being like that. And, yes, we feel totally guilty that the place closed down and we partially blame ourselves.

Still, one benefit of being well known at the sushi place is that the people who work there speak so little English that we'll never have to deal with them trying to talk to us while we're eating.

To go back to that posting about Western Europe vs. the United States, I have another thought about it.

If people who actually thought about the question would respond about one versus the other, you'd hear a lot about how the American system is better because our lower taxes and less regulatory rules creates an economy that fosters more flexibility and innovation....blah...blah...blah..... This is all shorthand for "You Can Get Really Fucking Rich." Greed, we are told, is good, and the American system works it so that greed girds the great economic wheel much more effectively than then the European model. That's fine if you really want to get rich, but while it would be nice to be rich, I'm quite okay with not. All I want is a nice, somewhat high-paying job that isn't too stressful, doesn't force me to work long hours, and has four weeks of vacation (actually, all things considering all I want is a job, but that's another matter). In other words, all those supposed benefits to the American system of capitalism doesn't really matter to me because none of it really matters to me.

There was a story once on "60 Minutes" about a recent study that showed that the country that had the highest amount of satisfied citizens was Denmark. The reason why is that the Danes never had any delusions of grandeur about their country and don't have any delusions of grandeur about the future of their country. They're just happy being what they are-- a nice, somewhat cold, European country whose biggest claim to fame is a pastry. The best way to describe how they feel about their country is that "it's fine" and everybody fine with it. Seeing as they have no great expectation for themselves or their country, they all have the kind of lifestyles I've mentioned up above and are quite okay with it.

So does this mean that I hate America? Now, I appreciate and love this country as anyone who isn't one of those moronic GI Joe, "America, Fuck Yeah" types. Like a lot of people who came to this country, my family was one of those great huddled masses who wound up here because they were being persecuted elsewhere and came here for safety. I totally appreciate the meaning of that. It also says a lot about a country because there's not many countries that would elect as President someone who is of mixed race and whose father came from Africa. It's one of the reasons why I drank the Obama Kool-Aid, because he represented everything that's great about this country and I saw in him the possibility of this country's redemption.

But still, there's something to be said about how the Danes see things and how they're quite happy with having diminished expectations. Considering how things are going in this country, we should probably start getting used to it.

There's a lot of talk out there about Facebook etiquette but not a whole lot of talk about LinkedIn etiquette because in some ways, there's a lot more weirdness to it, mainly in that while Facebook is supposed to be silly and fun-- something that lends itself to child-like behavior-- LinkedIn is supposed to be serious and professional. Which brings up the question of what does it mean if you never get a response to a query about adding somebody to your contact list? Is it because they use an old email address and they don't get it or never check LinkedIn? Possible. But you can't help wondering why you don't get certain people to respond. Like if an old boss doesn't want to link with you. Is it because despite all of the nice things they said about you, they really thought you sucked? And what about the coworkers who you thought you had a good relationship? Was the good relationship not so good?

One of my favorite bloggers, Mathew Yglesias, has been on a bit of a run lately pointing out the recurring conservative talking point that the stimulus package, as well as many of Obama and the Democrats initiatives, are wrong because it will "turn America into Western Europe." This is, of course, is seen as a bad thing by an American populace who have a strong dislike of things like free health care, affordable education, lower rates of poverty, and four weeks of vacation.

Of course, nobody asks people like Mitch McConnell just what the hell he means when says that America will be like "Western Europe" and just what exactly is wrong with that. My guess is that McConnell and everybody else who says things like that will actually not be able to respond and like that guy who accused Obama of being like Neville Chamberlain without actually knowing what Chamberlain did, just keep on saying things like that over and over again using the logic that if you say it enough times, it makes it true.

So why all of this fear-mongering of the possibility that America could wind up being like-- God help us-- Denmark or Germany? Because, as a commentor pointed out, in Americese, Western Europe equals Pussies. And who wants to live in a country of pussies even if that means having a better quality of life?

I would also like to point out that McConnell is from Kentucky. Insert punch line here.

Because of the fact the job which I try to employ myself is usually the first one to be sacrificed whenever the economy gets a little sick, I've been looking into a career path of becoming some sort of librarian type thing. The problem I've been running into is that there's no way to do some sort of librarian type thing without getting a 2 year Masters Degree in something called "Library Science."

Now, you might be wondering why one has to spend two years in getting a Masters in becoming a librarian. How hard can it be? After all, I can alphabitize, have years experience in filing, and have years of experience searching the internet. Just how long does it take to learn the Dewey Decimal system? All of which makes me think there's no real reason in the degree other than the fact that the educational system figured out it was a way of scamming people out of $20,000 by creating the need for a degree for which there is no actual need of one.

Jesus, the news out there is so bad that all I'm doing today is playing on the Wonkette message boards because of whole axiom that you gotta laugh to keep from crying.

We're all Tom Joad now.

Make this what you will, but the amount of job postings on Craigslist has gone from fairly normal to a dribble.

Just sayin'

A few weeks ago, we went over to a friend's house and ordered Nepalese food for delivery. The food was pretty good, albeit almost exactly like Indian food, but I bring this up WE GOT NEPALESE FOOD DELIVERED TO OUR HOUSE. Now, how many other cities can one say that you can get Nepalese food delivered?

It's one of those things that reminds me about why I love San Francisco.

Anyways, I watched the Grammys last night for whatever reason (well, mainly because I heard Radiohead was going to perform). The thing about the Grammys is that I can never understand why anybody gives a fuck about them because they're usually so completely out of touch with whatever is going on out there that the awards are virtually worthless. I know there's plenty of movies and tv shows that the Oscars and the Emmy's blow (like, a lot) but usually it's never as bad as on the Grammy's.

I could go on and rant about them, but since I watched most of the damn thing, I'm just going to make some random observations about them.


-The main reason why I hate watching the Grammys-- because in Grammy World, it makes perfect sense for Stevie Wonder to play with the Jonas Brothers.


-Award Shows and HiDef TV do not mix, do not mix at all. Any bad dye job (and I'm looking at you Paul McCartney) or Botox treatment becomes so obvious it becomes you're a legend, you've been knighted by the Queen. If your hair is grey, so what? If anybody's got a problem with it, what the hell should you care? You wrote "Hey Jude." What did they do?

-I'm not sure what to make of the new U2 song. The riff is great, it's got a great hook, and the song kinda rocks which is interesting because U2 is not known for rocking. On the other hand, it's way too busy and over the place, a sign that either the band didn't really have confidence in the song and themselves or they've grown completley self-indulgent and lost the ability to edit themselves. The lyrics are just God awful, however, and it brings up the fact that while Bono is completely possible of writing great lyrics, he is completely able to write lyrics that are either shite or completely meaningless, often at the same time. The lyrics to "Put on Your Boots" sound like he's not even trying anymore. And speaking of the Bonster, it pretty much has gotten to the point where he's become so ubiquitious and full of himself that he's not enjoyable to watch at all-- there's a fine line between Rock Star and buffoon. If I were his manager, I'd tell him to basically disappear for a few years in between albums so we aren't sick of him by the time he's around so much we get sick of him anyways. If that makes any sense.

I'm trying to contact someone in an HR department about a job and noticed that HR is no longer called "Human Resources" but are, instead, called "Talent Acquisition and Diversity."

In light of Sunday's Super Bowl and all the controversy that came with it, it's time to unleash my proposed rule that will alleviate said controversies. Call it the "Screw it, It's a Great Play" Rule. The rule, basically stipulates that all those technical, nit picky rules that so often infect a football game, are thrown out if the play also involves some measure of greatness. Take the Santanio Holmes catch. People are still debating whether or not Holmes was in but if my rule was in place, whether or not he was in wouldn't matter because it was such an incredibly great play Holmes should be given the benefit of the doubt. He made one of the greatest catches in football history, who cares if he might not have gotten one toe on the field? Shouldn't he be rewarded for making such an incredible catch?

The problem of great plays being nullified over small little things like details is a huge problem with the NFL because they're so anal about the rules. We've all watched some incredible play made only to see it reversed because the player's feet wasn't technically in bounds or there was a ticky tack holding call or somebody held somebody's jersey for a few seconds. Sports fans want to see great plays, they don't want to see referees in viewing booths or yellow flags thrown.

And while you might think this is ridiculous and goes against the whole point of rules, the rule is already in effect in other sports. The NBA in particular does this. Or just look at how refs treats stars. They can do whatever they want because who wants to see LeBron called for travelling or Kobe for ticky-tack fouling? Just look at how they treated Michael Jordan-- they basically let him do whatever he wants (cough last shot in Game 6 of the '98 NBA finals. And how many times have we heard it said that refs should just let people play in the final minutes of an important game and not call anything? The same goes with hockey in which players can basically mug somebody else in a playoff game or in the last two minutes of a close game because the refs realize nobody wants them to affect the game.

It's true in baseball too. Certain players get the benefit of a call more than others, especially when it comes to balls and strikes. If Barry Bonds didn't swing at a pitch that was an obvious strikes, a lot of umps would call a ball because they figured Bonds' was so good if he didn't swing at it, there must have been a good reason. And I'm pretty sure that if Derek Jeter made a shoe-string catch that technically bounced before he caught it, the umps would let it slide.

See, wouldn't this make football even better?

And, yes, I'm unemployed again. Kind of fitting that my first day of unemployment coincedes with Groundhog Day.

So how did I spend the day? Seeing a movie? Going on a bike ride? Reading? Spent it hopping on the 38 Geary to run to the Apple Store because I spilled coffee on my laptop and a few of the keys, mainly the one's in the middle, don't work.

This is a bit of a problem.

The spill wasn't actually one of those klutzy things I normally do or what people would have expected me to do. Basically, I was just sitting there at the table, drinking coffee and reading the internet when I suddenly felt a sneeze come upon me and the reaction to the sneeze is what lead to the spillage. Okay, it is still kinda klutzy but you try not spilling in that situation?

So now I don't have keys that work. What to do, what to do? First thing I do is think about going online and finding a solution. Except I can't really go online because I can't really type certain things into Google due to the fact I can't type certain letters. I tried it on my iPhone but as much as I love the iPhone it's web surfing capabilities are not such that you want to rely upon it in an emergency. Harlan has does have a computer but it's specatacularly crappy.

Not finding anything online, I do the next thing which is to make an appointment at Apple's Genius Bar. Funny thing about that-- you have to make an appointment online, you can't do it by phone. Which is great and all except for one simple fact-- you can't go online and make an appointment if you can't get online. After some bit of struggling, I was able to do it, but I'm thinking that there's a whole bunch of people who have run into that problem who were completely screwed.

I made the appointment and then did what I dread doing-- hopping on the 38 Geary (not that I'm out in the 'burbs, my quick little trips downtown aren't so quick) and made way downtown to the Apple Store which was jam packed, something a little off considering it was 2 in the afternoon.

Finally, after waiting for half an hour just to get called, I went up there and was told by the dude at the Genius Bar that there really is nothing he can do and that the only thing I can do is turn the computer off and hope that the liquid dries. I could also take a blow dryer to it and hope that works or put it upside down and hope that it drains or even put a towel in there and put it upside down that way. None of which is a 100% guarentee to work. And if it doesn't work, well, say hello to a new keyboard and the kissing of upwards of $1000 goodbye.

And that's the exact kind of thing you want to be hearing on your first day of unemployment

Yesterday, we were driving around and got caught behind a driver who somehow managed to achieve a rare Trifecta of douchebaggery. Namely they drove one of those ginormous, completely ridiculously sized pickup trucks and had huge, bumping speakers blasting rap music so loud that it made our car shake all the while having something going on with the engine/tail pipe/exhaust so that the ginormous truck was blasting exhaust fumes into the air.

Well played, dude. Well played.