Best movie so far of the summer? Metallica's "Some Kind of Monster". There's something inherently funny about watching guys in a heavy metal band spouting off therapy speak and bemoaning the fact their million dollar paintings are being sold. The craziest part of the movie? You wind up really liking the guys in the band. Even Lars.

Go figure.

As daring feats of cell phone talking always fascinates me, I got a pretty good one. Yesterday I was waiting for the 22 Fillmore and the woman I couldn't help notice that the woman I was waiting with did one of my favorite kind of cell phone stunts. She spent the entire wait on the phone, got onto the bus, paid for hr ticket, stood in the aisle, and then got a seat minutes later all entirely while talking on the cell phone. Which, actually, isn't that exciting because it's a fairly regular trick, but the key part is that an hour later when I was taking the 22 Fillmore back home, the very same woman was on the very same bus. Talking on the cell phone.

But that's nothing. Probably the most spectacular feat of cell phonery I saw was at the Baltimore airport. The girl got into line at the food stand (Roy Rogers, yum), waited in line, ordered, picked up her meal, walked over to the condiment stand, added her condiments, then sat down to eat while never getting off the phone. She even ate while talking the entire time.

Now that's darn impressive.

Speaking of the Baltimore airport, in one of those stories from Back East I hadn't gotten to yet, while I was getting dinged by security and taken to the side for the full strip-down wand treatment, I watched as some 70 year old in a wheelchair got wheeled by. They couldn't, I said to myself, but they did. They asked if she had a pacemaker, made her stand up and walk through the metal detector, then sat her down to give her the wand. They then made her stand up, go into the full Jesus Christ pose, before finally letting her go. Again, to a 70 year old lady. With white hair. Being carried around in a wheelchair.

Now you might be thinking that's crazy- how many terrorists are 70 year old women? But I say that would be wrong. What better terrorist would there be? It's the last person we'd expect to be a terrorist, which is why it would be such a diabolical plot. Whose to say her name wasn't really Rose McGillicudy but Jafar Mahmed McGillicudy. And whose to say that while most people would suspect her of being a 70 year old woman with grey hair and a wheelchair, it's not really the most amazing costume you've ever seen. We're talking full mask and wig.

Thank God for the Baltimore Airport Security.