Captain Leisure e-mailed me to give me the bad news that my Movie Girlfriend, Jennifer Connelly, is sadly no longer available. Turns out she got married over the holidays to one of her co-stars in A Beautiful Mind, the guy who played the invisible friend.

Oh well. Guess it won't be Jon and Jennifer 4 Eva

He's gotta be kind of bummed, though, knowing that he married her way after her "surgery." Anyways, now that she's an Academy Award Actress for starring in a total shlocky, Oscar-bait flick (and it so is), it'll mean that from here-on out, she'll never star in a decent movie again. Nor will she have to show off her considerable assets again.

As for me, it looks like I am without a Movie Girlfriend. So, if any Hollywood starlets (especially with easily downloadable videos) want some 34 year old to be their Audience Boyfriend (in a completely un-psycho, non-stalker kind of way, of course), just drop me a line at hoorayforanything@yahoo.com.

I'm sure I'll be getting bombarded with e-mails any day now.