If Iraq is this big huge, evil country threatening the world, why are they putting up such a weak fight? All that pre-war hype and all they've done so far is launch a couple of measly scuds at Kuwait. This war is turning into one of those heavyweight fights in which the Champion takes on some loser that nobody's ever heard of, everyone knows is a patsy, but in order to sell the pay-per-view is hyped as the Next Big Thing. It's Kentucky vs. IUPUI. And where all those WMD we keep on hearing about? Is it because Saddam just hasn't used them or is it because just maybe, he didn't really have any?

And speaking of which, does anyone else think all the stories about us knowing where Saddam was and trying to take him out and all the stories of him being led out of the compound in a stretcher a little on the BS side of things? How could we know that? How could we even know where he was? If we had that great intelligence on him, how come we couldn't have, say, taken him down earlier? Or why couldn't we find where all of his WMD's were? Oh wait, was it just because we just didn't want the U.N. Inspectors to know? Or maybe we've just been making it all up?

If you were an Iraqi would you know all was lost the moment Saddam showed up to give that speech in those big, huge ugly glasses and then proceeded to give his big, defiant speech while reading from a memo pad? And if you were some poor Iraqi scrub forced into fighting, wouldn't you surrender as fast possible?

Why are our forces being called "Coalition Forces" when it's mainly just us and a few token Brits? Can something be considered a "Coalition" if it's really just two countries? Are there other countries fighting? Are the Canadians out because they didn't agree with us or because they don't want members of their army to be blown up by a bunch of hoped up American fly-boys? Are the Spaniards, the Italians, and the Poles fighting? And if so, do we really want them to fight considering none of them have a stellar reputation for fighting? Isn't Italian Army an oxymoron? Wouldn't it be like the ex-Cub factor. What about the Uzbeki's and the Albanians? Do they have troops there? Are they fighting or are they like on the bench? You know, like Spain is the 2nd string catcher and Uzbekistan the 3rd string catcher who never suits up unless someone goes on Injured Reserve? Or maybe they're the like the 12th man on a basketball team, the dorky white guy who never plays but whose main job is to jump crazily and high-five the stars whenever something exciting happens? Are they just part of the coalition just because they said "go nuts" when asked by us and so get to sit around being considered our homies while all they do is sit and watch it on CNN like the rest of us? Do you think George W. is watching the news this weekend at Camp David or watching the Tourney? Do you think there's an inter-White House NCAA Tourney Pool? I'm pretty sure there had to have been when Bill was President. Am I the only one who thinks that Jimmy Fallon bugs? And as the fat guy on SNL, does Horatio realize it's his destiny to eventually die of an overdose? It's like being the drummer in Spinal Tap.

Is it me or is it kind of unseemly to be all "U-S-A!" "U-S-A!" because we're kicking butt in the war? Is having the biggest, coolest bombs really something to make you swell with pride? Yes, I do like the fact I live in a country with the most powerful, kick-buttingest army but it's not something that makes me want to listen to "I'm Proud to Be an American" with tears welling in my eyes. The fact that we allow millions of people from all over the world come to our country and live free and be able to make something of themselves fills with me pride, but not the fact that we build cruise missiles that can not only hit the target it's aiming at, but knock on the door, go down the hall, and blow them up while they're sitting in the bathroom taking a shit. Speaking of which, if we are the greatest democracy in the world, why don't our leaders walk on down to Congress and debate them on the eve of the war, in front of an entire nation like (bless his heart) Tony Blair did on the eve of war? Why is the Stock Market up and do people who are responsible and making money off of it now feel the slightest bit of guilt? Did the cast of "Friends" make a million each for Thursday night's episode that was mainly just flashbacks to past episodes?

Which is more annoying- when somebody accuses those who are practicing their right to dissent as unpatriotic and traitorous or when those people who practice their right to dissent shut down a city street and self-righteously tell the people's whose lives were majorly put-out that they have no right to feel that way? Why does it make sense that if Bush is bombing Iraq to shut down San Francisco? Isn't most of San Francisco firmly against the war? Shutting down San Francisco makes about as much sense as all the inner-city rioters who riot through their own neighborhood instead of in the neighborhoods of the people who are putting them down. Can we make all the protestors pay for the millions of bucks that we had to shell out to deal with all the protesting going on? Can we force one of them to become a teacher or fireman or something else that we'll have to lay-off due to budget constraints? Did anyone else lose whatever little sympathy you might have for the protestors after reading the article in the Chron about how all the protestors who were arrested whined to the paper about how the Cops didn't treat them all that nicely, that they weren't fed when they wanted to fed and when they were the food wasn't that good, and that their beds were uncomfortable? Why do a lot of San Franciscans who protested think that they send the message that the U.S. doesn't support the war when everyone who lives here lives here because it's not like the rest of the U.S.? In fact, it's pretty much a given that anything that happens in San Francisco is definitely not what is going on in the rest of the country. Haven't they read the polls? Did anyone of them vote in 2000 and how many voted for Nader?

And finally this- while it's a great thing that things are going so well and that injuries and death appear to be at a minimum, am I the only one who kind of wishes things weren't this easy only because it'll only encourage certain people who think this was a smart thing to do in the first place. The wisest words I've read about this whole thing was in one of those "Voices of the People" segments in the Chron about people's reactions to the bombing of Bagdhad- a Mr. William Drake said this: "I have two reactions, pride and fear. Pride that we have the military capability to do that. Fear that we have the military capability to do that."