Man, what a craptastic day. In fact, on a scale of craptitude, this day is an eleven. It put the ass in suck-ass. How bad was it? I spent an hour and a half writing legal copy in French. And I'm not even a lawyer nor fluent in French. And the project was cancelled anyways. Of course, my problems don't really amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world, what with us going to war tomorrow (what the fuck?), but screw it. It's my blog page and you can cry if you want to.

Anyways, here is the second annual (I think) Hooray for Anything Oscar Predictions.

Best Picture- Okay, this one is tough because I haven't seen most of the movies which kind of puts me at a disadvantage. Let's go through them one by one, shall we?
Chicago - Haven't seen it. Being a straight male in San Francisco means you can't go see musicals by yourself. You have to rent them.
Pianist- I know this is a really good movie and it looks really interesting, but I can't get myself psyched to see a Holocaust movie. It's hard to go get psyched to see three hours of dreary depressing and there's nothing more drearily depressing than the Holocaust.. Hell, I never saw Schinderl's List until it was on TV and for years, I'd get the straight out of Seinfeld "oh my God, you haven't seen Schindler's List! You have to see Schindler's List! from my relatives as if it was somehow one of the biggest sins I could commit as a Jew).
The Hours- Haven't see this one either. Super-depressing, uber chick-flick and who wants to see that?
The Two Towers - Of course, it's obvious that my heart lies with because, once again, making super depressing chick-flicks is easy compared to making a movie featuring the most kick-ass (and longest) battle scene ever filmed, but it won't win. I'm just hoping that the talk is correct and that next year is the year Peter Jackson is gonna take home oodles and oodles of Oscar's for the trilogy as a whole. I mean, if you film The Godfather of Sci-fi/Adventure/Fantasy movies, movies that are gonna go down as one of the most impressive and spectacular feats of movie-making ever done, you better get your props.
Gangs of New York- a movie I liked and would probably prefer to win, but don't think it will.

Thinking it's gonna be Chicago only because that's what everyone else is saying. And what the hell, it's supposed to be good, although we all know that as ground-breaking and well-done as it's supposed to be, Buffy's "Once More with Feeling" is the be all and end all of musicals.

In case anyone's wondering, the movie I thought was the best movie of the year, the movie that should win it (even above The Two Towers) is Bowling for Columbine. That movie went deep into the heart of things and nailed it. As this country turns into a huge ball of scared paranoia, becoming closer and closer to a gated community of a country, the movie is that much more relevant. The movie was funny because it's true.

Best Director- It looks like it's all about Scorcese here, although apparently there's a backlash against it because- shockingly- some people think it's a "flawed movie." And we all know, flawed movies never win an Oscar. Most people are saying it's gonna be Marty not because Gangs of New York is that great, which it was in a way, but because it's kind of a career thing. The basic thinking is that Scorcese has never won an award and he is one of the best director's on the face of the planet so let's give it to him. To which I say, go Marty, go. The guy did Goodfellas. He did Raging Bull. He did Taxi Driver (fucking Taxi Driver!) for crissakes. Give him an Oscar. Spielberg wishes he could direct movies as half as cool as that. Is there anyone on this planet who hasn't seen Goodfellas? Is there anyone on this planet who doesn't think it's a great fucking movie? Is there any angst-ridden, alienated teenager who didn't think Taxi Driver didn't speak to them (and who didn't go shoot the President because of it)? Basically, if someone's gonna give Marty an award, you go. And if Peter Jackson doesn't win it next year I'll never watch the Oscars again.

Best Actor- Jack Nicholson's nominated mainly because he was in a movie in which he wasn't Jack Nicholson. Yeah, he was great in it and I liked the movie, but he's always nominated. Nicholas Cage was great too, but if he wins this time, it'll only encourage him to make more crappy movies. Man, has any actor sullied his image more than Nick? He went from Leaving Las Vegas to ConAir and Face/Off. Man has he sucked. The only actor whose sucked it harder than Nic is Travolta. Pretty much, if you see a preview or a trailer for a movie starring Travolta, you know it's gonna suck. Michael Caine? Yawn. Didn't see the movie (read the book) and I don't think anybody did. Adrien Brody? I'm sure he was fine and the movie was fine, but didn't see it. Which leaves us with Daniel Day Lewis for chomping the scenery all over the place in Gangs of New York. Wasn't Leo supposed to be the main guy in the movie? Eh, give it to the scenery chomper. It was a pretty fun performance to watch. And the movie would have sucked without him.

Best Actress- Let's see. We have Diane Lane. Wasn't she in a lot of bad '80's movies? Didn't half of them star Michael Pare (as in whatever happened to?). Iyick. Didn't see her movie either. Then there's Salma baby, my brand-new Hollywood girlfriend. She's nominated for Frida, a movie I really do want to see and not just because of naked Salma sex scenes. Really. Then we got Renee Zellwigger who is cute as a button and adorable but am I the only thinks she was cuter as Bridget Jones and not as the super-skinny waif she is now? That whole thing was kind of lame, if you ask me. She makes this big deal about "gaining weight" (ie, putting on the same weight that most women are, then makes an even bigger deal when she takes it all of. It's like she was saying- hey, don't worry, I'm really super-skinny. I'm not fat. I'm not like you, really). Love her, but don't think she'll win. If she wants to go out for drinks, though, I'm free. That leaves us with Juliana Moore and Nicole Kidman. Gotta love Juliana Moore because she's been in so many cool movies of the past ten years. Hell, she was in Boogie Nights, one of the greatest movies ever made, but I'll say more about that later. She won't win, though. Who will win is Nicole Kidman. How could she not? Her character cries a lot and dies tragically. Plus, everyone's oh so impressed that Nicole Kidman bravely put on a prosthetic nose to maker herself less attractive in this movie. What craft! What bravery! What dedication to her art! Why, it's just like when deNiro put on all that weight for Raging Bull. Whatever. And is it me, or has Nicole Kidman only become "Nicole Kidman" because of her divorce for Tom? Was that a great career move she made or what?

Best Supporting Actor- Consider John C. Reilly. He was in three of the movies nominated for Best Picture. Not too shabby. He's also been in a lot of great movies over the years and been great in all of them. But he is and will always be, however, Reed Rothchild (aka Chester Rockwell) from Boogie Nights. And for that, just like Juliana Moore, I will always root for him. That movie is just that good. Basically, if you find yourself in a movie playing a character like Reed Rothchild in a movie like Boogie Nights, you will always be cool. It's the same thing with Steve Buscemi. He was in Resovoir Dogs and Fargo, two movies better than say Tom Cruise has ever been in. And then he went and starred in Ghost World- a trifetecta of super-cool movies if ever there was (get that man an Oscar, stat). And it's the same way Thora Birch will always be cool because she was Enid. Some actors/actresses have been milking off cool roles in cool movies for years. Wynona Ryder has always been kind of living off Heathers and Beatlejuice, but probably lost it with the whole shopping thing. Not to mention starring in an Adam Sandler movie. Samuel L. Jackson, despite all of his best attempts to lose it, still has a lot of love out there for Pulp Fiction (Travlota? Forget it). John C. Reilly will always be cool in my book because of being Reed Rotchild. Another nominee, Christopher Walken, is like that too- he's been in so many good movies and so good in so many of them that everyone loves him. Who doesn't love Christopher Walken, especially after the Fat Boy Slim video. Too bad neither are supposed to win. Instead, Chris Cooper, the redneck Orchid lover in Adaption is supposed to. And you know what? Fine by me. It was a great role- part redneck, part zen-master. He was a hoot (did I just write that?). And hell, how can you not root against Ed Harris or Paul Newman either? Anyone who wins is fine by me here.

Best Supporting Actress- Because the idea of Queen Latifah winning an Oscar is pretty darn whack and Catherine Zeta-Jones is even whacker, I gotta go with one of the three remaining nominees. You know, the weird thing is that Meryl Streep was actually kind of hot in Adaption and I don't think anyone has ever put Meryl Streep and hot together. Maybe it's because she never uses an accent in it or doesn't seem so uber-repressed. And the movie was kind of cool too. Thinking Juliana Moore gets it, though, because she won't win Best Actress. Which is fine by me. Rock on, Amber Waves.

Best Song- All the fun is gone here knowing that Eminem isn't gonna appear (it would have been sweet, but would have been so out of place that it just should not be meant to be. Kind of like hearing the Clash played at the Grammy's.). Usually, you got go with the worst song or the one nobody in their right mind has heard, and give it to them. Who the hell even knows any song that won, let alone bought a song that won? But we all know it's gonna be U2 this year because they're so damn sickingly P.C. and so damn innoffensively hip that CNN Headline News is using their music for their outro's. And not even noticing the irony of playing the drum beat from "Bullet the Blue Sky" in between stories about the impending war in Iraq. Has anyone heard the song that's been nominated though? It's kind of shite. And if they do win, which I think they will, it'll only mean another Bono speech. Oh, the humanity.