To dramatic music, exciting graphics appear on the Screen. "Operation Keep On Rocking In the Free World" appears, with the American flag in the background.

Anchor: Good evening and welcome to the War on Iraq Highlight show here on LOX News. Remember, we report the truth, you believe it. It's been an exciting day of warfare, with lots of action going on in Basra, Al Fawr, and the race to Baghdad. Here's a roundup of today's events with a report from the action in Basra. We'll take you there, live to our Embedded Reporter, Joe Badden.

Joe: Thanks Tony. It's been an exciting day here with lots of fire-fighting as a troop of Allied Marines were caught by surprise by some Iraqi guerilla's. Here's a satellite shot of the action

(screen shows a troop in one location with an Iraqi force a mile away. Joe talks over the photo and with a telestrator)

If you look at the photo you can clearly see Marine Troop F over here. And over here is the Iraqi squad. They do a little snake manuever and- boom!- they attack from behind this barn over here. So the Allied Forces scatter around in a classic pinch move and -bang!- they kill all 50 troops. What a move!

Anchor: Thanks Joe for the report. And now, here's Scott Stuart reporting from the action at Al Fawr.

Scott: Thanks Tony. The Allied Troops were moving casually along the road today when they too got a little sneak attack from snipers up on a hill. After scattering for cover, the troops called in the Air Force who came by and dropped an OU812 missile on them. The Iraqi troops were defeated and the troops able to move along.

Tony: Thanks Scott. Now….here's an up-close-and-personal look at the OU812….

(cut to computer generated graphics of a missle, spinning around to techno music. Tony does a voice over).

The OU812 Missile is one of the latest weapons in high-tech weapons built for the US Military. The missile is not only guided by radar, but trash talks all the way down to it's target. The missile was built by the Halli Crossing Corporation for only $2.5 million per missile, 1 million for the actual missile and a million and a half to lobby congress. The missile is actually one of the cheapest missiles deployed by the Army as the head of the company now works for the State Department.

We now go back to Scott with the exciting footage released by the Pentagon of the missile in action.

Scott: Thanks Tony. From this footage you can see the missile being launched by one of our planes and it slowly cruises down to it's target. It gets closer and closer and then- Booyah!

Tony: Thanks for the footage, Scott. That's a pretty impressive missile, isn't it Scott?

Scott: It sure is. You should have seen the damage it did to a market in the center of town, accidently killing tens of…..

Tony: Thank you for the report, Scott. And now here's a report about the progress of the 8th Division as they march on Baghdad. For the report, here comes Chris Snerman.

Chris: Thanks Tony. We got a report today The Allied Forces central commandar, Tommy "Beans n'" Franks about the progress of our convoy. According to Tommy, the troops are making significant progress towards Baghdad. In fact, Donald "Gin" Rumfield says that the troops are on pace to break the record for most miles traveled by a tank battalion, shattering the record held by the ole Desert Fox himself, Field Marshall Erwin Rommel. That would be quite a feat, Tony.

Tony: Do you think it's possible for the troops to break the record?

Chris: Well, it's going to be tough, those Iraqi's are proving to a bit peskier than we originally thought what with their fighting back and all, but the President's Press Secertary Ari "Scary" Flieshcer thinks it's definitely possible and that it would be unpatriotic to think otherwise.

Tony: Okay Chris, thanks for your report. And now we'd like to bring in our LOX experts for their take on today's events. First off, Retired General Will Balton. Will, what do you think of how things are transgressing?

Will: I think right now that our plan of attack is hoorible, just hooorible. Why, if I was still General, I'd never extend our front line out like that so fast. We're just completely exposed in the rear and the decision of Command Central to move out that fast is the worst possible thing we could do.

Tony: Hmmm. And here's our LOX commentator and editor of the Weenie Standard, Thurston Howell the IV.

Thurston: Will, I completely disagree. The plan was obviously put in place because of the knowledge that the Iraqi's will be so thrilled with our invading their country, that they'll do nothing but welcoming us with welcome arms. After all, how could anyone hate us?

Tony: Okay, that's all the time for now. Coming up next, a debate on the war. Representing the Pro-War side will be George Will and representing the anti-war side, Carrot Top.