Here's one of the things that I had forgotten about unemployment, the level of paranoia that comes with it. Take a job I suddenly threw my hat into the ring for at Super Mondo. In just a matter of a few days I went from the manager saying "give me a call and let's discuss the position" to phone tag to "we're going to offer the job to somebody else-- it's been in the pipeline for awhile, actually."

Now, what happened over those past few days (four in total). Did they really offer the job before I talked to the manager about it? Did it take so long for us to reach each other that he decided in those four days to just offer the other person? Or was there something going on at Super Mondo that I didn't know about. Like people not backing me up or did he not like me or did he not think I did a good on his projects?

Could be nothing, could be something.

Then there was a job interview I had yesterday. At the end of the interview, which I thought went well, the guy I met with said "I was supposed to send you down to the HR person but she got called into a meeting and can't meet with you." Did that mean "the HR person but she got called into a meeting and can't meet with you" or did it mean "no, I'm not going to hire you at all and it's not even worth me sending you to the HR person."

Then there's the fact an ex-coworker works there, one who I sometimes didn't have a good relationship with. Some of it was due to personal issues I won't get into and some others because she kinda sucked and took it out on me and blamed me for her occasional bouts of suckitude. Also, she even took me to lunch and told me that I should be on my toes because they were using a recent bout of layoffs to get rid of people who aren't that good and, well, I should worry.

But that could be water under the bridge, right? By the end of her stint, we were in pretty good terms and the last time I saw her, she was really nice to me. So she could help me, right? Except for the fact she didn't respond to my LinkedIn invitation. Or a mutual friend didn't email me back about getting her email address.

Again, could be nothing, could be something.

And if it's something, what does it mean for my chances at the place? I'm sure the guy I met with thought to himself and said "hey, blah blah worked at Super Mondo too, I should go ask her about Hooray." And if he did, did she say nice things that helped me out or did she say not very nice things out that doomed me. Or maybe he didn't even ask? Maybe just the fact I was brought in and there was a connection there was a sign she helped me out. Or maybe nobody thought of it?

Just thinking about it makes me want to drink some more wine.