Because I have a lot of free time on my hands, I've started getting into Craig's List Casual Encounters. As well, of course, as Missed Connections and Rants & Raves (did I mention I have a lot of free time on my hands?).

For those who haven't perused, it's a bunch of people sending out postings to a board basically looking for nookie. No messing around pretending it's about dating, no pretending it's about finding "the one," it's all about doing the nasty. Basically, someone is sitting there at working, thinking to themselves "hey, I'm horny" and so post something on Craig's List hoping that they're bootylicious dreams will come true (and yes, I'm gonna try and come up with as many euphimisms for sex as possible just because it's funnier than saying sex. And as you'd expect, most of them (or more like all of them) are by men.

The funniest one's are basically the one's that can be summed up like this- hey, I'm horny, fuck me. Some of them are only a sentence or two, as if just by saying "hey, I'm horny, fuck me" is enough for someone to go fuck them.

Anyways, those who do give descriptions always describe themselves as handsome, fit, and great in bed. Which makes sense, of course, because I don't think you'd get anywhere by saying you were a fat, balding premature ejaculator. So, either those fat, balding premature ejaculator's don't go on Casual Encounter's or there's gonna be a lot of ladies (and men) who are going to be awfully disappointed.

Some of those who are looking for a little try and show how great they are by writing erotica. They'll go on for paragraphs describing just what they'll do to the lucky responder of their e-mail. Some of them are a little on the crude side for those who are into crude come-on's, some of them are halfway decent attempts at Penthouse Letters-style literature. And again, it's all an attempt to describe themselves as great lovers. Again, not a lot of people out there saying that it'll be over in a few seconds and that they'll fall asleep right afterwards.

Then there's the whacky stuff. Like the guys who'll get you high if you blow me. One guy even thought that the offer of getting some high should be enough to get him a threesome. You know, you gotta think big. Or there's the married guys who are looking for a little hanky-panky. Or the straight guys who are looking for a little gay sex even though they say over and over and over again that they're not gay.

And if you're a swinger, that's the place to be. Wanna watch a married couple get it on? Casual Encounters is the place to be. A couple looking for a threesome? Again, Casual Encounters? Guys with a fetish for lactating pregnant women? Come on down.

Of course, the amazing thing about all of this is that anyone thinks any of this is going to work. I mean, it can't be that easy. You can't just write an e-mail on some board and get some? Can't you? It can't be that easy, right?

Right?