I am the Most Valuable Player on my ass softball team. And no, it's not because of my sterling play, it's because I opened up my mouth one day and confessed that I knew how to keep score. And yes, I do know how to keep score, something my dad taught me years ago, but haven't done in years mainly because it's a line to be crossed and I won't cross that line.

Since nobody else on the team can keep score, I am now more valuable as the scorekeeper than playing out in the field. Let me tell you to, it's not so easy to keep score in a softball league like ours. You try scoring a dropped ball by the third baseman, a run scoring an on overthrow at home, and then the runner being thrown out at third, all on the same play. Without me, nobody would know whose batting, whose on deck, and how many runs we're behind.

Even worse, I am also one of the few men who doesn't bitch about having to play catcher and I hate playing catcher. I have too creaky of a back and too achey of a knee to play catcher on a regular basis. I also hate the fact that there's way too much up and down exercise for too little actual importance in the outcome of the game. But as I'm not the type of guy to bitch about playing catcher, I play catcher. I know, I can bitch about it, but I won't only because I've been captain before, even captain on a softball team, I know what a pain in the ass it is to have teammates constantly bitch at you.

But here's the dilemna when I actually go play catcher. To writ, shall I give it my best and be the best damn catcher I can be but risk getting myself stuck in the catcher position, or do I start sucking at catcher so I won't be asked to play there? If I chase after every ball, catch everything thrown at me, and show off my general sense of baseball je ne sais quois by, say, catching pitches with my bare-hand, I will help the team. But I will also come off looking as the best guy to play catcher. I do not want to play catcher. I want to play outfield. On the other hand, do I let balls go by me, overthrow my throwbacks to the pitcher and just generally look totally inept back there?

I don't know what to do? Kind of the existential crisis in a nutshell, n'est pas? After all, having to play catcher on a lousy-ass softball team is kind of up there with the Myth of Sisyphus. I know that Camus would say that I'm supposed to give my total commitment to everything and so I should give my total commitment to playing catcher.

On the other hand, Camus never had to have spend half of his afternoon squatting while wearing some god-awful mask that hasn't been cleaned in years.