Okay, so here's what I want to know. In The Lord of the Rings, what's up with the Elves? Why are the Elves bailing for some other lands? It's not like the fate of Middle Earth hangs in the balance or anything. You got Sauron gaining power, Saruman going to the Dark side, Mankind not exactly having their act together, and a Hobbit controls the future of the land. Yet, despite it all, the Elves are bailing. What's up with that? Things get a little rough and they're immediately all "fuck this, we're outta here."

Thanks for coming.

Let's see- the Elves have a high self of sense, think there lands and the people who inhabit them the fairest of all, love poetry and singing, and dress sharper than all the other people in Middle Earth. Which, of course, means the Elves are the French. Great culture, but as soon as trouble starts, they're out of there (and since the Dwarves don't even do anything other than send Gimli and worry about their riches, that would make them the Swiss).

And what's up with the whole immortaility thing? It looked like there were a lot of Elves getting killed in the Helms Deep battle. Does that mean that the only elves who die are those who get killed in battle? Not a great way to recruit people, if you ask me. "Join the army and kiss immortality goodbye!" Maybe they're just a bunch of immortal Elves who've gotten so bored with the whole living forever thing that they're willing to possibly sacrifice themselves to end the boredom. After all, living forever can probably get kind of boring after awhile (although, personally, there are worse kinds of boredom). I don't, however, think that's what would make up a great army- bored, ennui-filled, suicidal elves.

Speaking of which, I do have to say it was rather nice of the Elves to send a troop of Elves to help Rohan out at the Battle of Helms Deep. Especially since most of the Elves seemed in too much of a rush to pack up and get the hell out of there to care. You gotta feel sorry for those elves, though. Wonder how they laid-out that plan to the poor suckers who had to go fight in the battle- "Hey, so we got several thousand men trapped in some old fortress and being laid seige by a tens of thousands of Orcs and other Nasties. They're pretty much fucked, but since we think it's nice to honor some old allegiances, we're sending you guys over to go down with them. Thanks." Or maybe they had a big army and decided to split them, kind of like "Okay, Team A gets to pack everything up in boxes, put them on our Elf trucks, go to the boats and drink some hot cocoa. Team B, on the other hand, has to go fight off some Orcs."