More Fear and Loathing on the Job Trail. Otherwise known as how I managed to lose two jobs at the same time.

So many of you have been wondering, what's up with the job thing? Vague allusions have been made, angsty essays posted, bile spewn. All of this done allthewhile thinking that by the end of this week, just in time for me birthday, I'd have a job. And maybe, even the bestest dreamiest job of them all.

But no.

So we pick up the story with the Fairy Godmother, Tinkerbell, Jiminy Cricket and whomever else is in all those Disney flicks banging at my door, offering to make me a Man, a car-owning, hour long commuting, compromising the last of my principles Working Man. Had a job offer with a company in San Mateo that would involve sending out spam-mail (good spam, not penis related spam, but on the other hand, is there anything good about spam-mail?). Wasn't sure bout it cause I wasn't sure I wanted to work at SpamCo., riddled with ambivalence upon ambivalence.

So, I told them I'd think it over. Partly to mull over whether or not I could be Commuting Working Man (CWM), but mainly because out there, in the far distance, a dream job hailed to me. Like a siren calling from the shores, like pre-boob job Jennifer Connelly rising out of a half-shell and beckoning, there was a possibility that I could get Dream Job.

And what is Dream Job? A job that I really wanted. A job I know I could do because I've fucking done it and know I could do it in my sleep. A job with a super-cool company that gives you every other Friday off and has a screening room where they occasionally give the employees an afternoon off so they could watch movies. A job that was about a ten minute walk from my apartment. It was out there. It could be mine. Getting it was, as the recruiter told me, would be easy.

So I stalled the other company, even going so far as to not answer the phone so I wouldn't have to give them a decision of non-decision and waited for the machinery to work on getting me Dream Job. After much back and forth and endless amounts of nervous pacing waiting for the damn phone to ring, an interview with Dream Job was finally set up.

With a plan in hand, I called SpamCo. and asked for the weekend to mull it over some more. Had a whole speech prepared, written down and gone over by someone who claims to know. Didn't get a chance to give it. SpamCo. needed someone in so fast that while I was twiddling my thumbs, waiting for Dream Job to call back, brought someone else in. Something which, according to all the experts I had talked to, fit into the "huh, I never heard that one before" category.

Oh well. Whatever. Truth be told, I didn't want to commute to San Mateo every fucking morning just to clog everyone's e-mails that much more with e-mail they don't really want.

And besides, I had Dream Job awaiting me.

So I went to the interview at Dream Job. Rocked the house (or so I thought). Left the interview being told how great it was to meet me, how great the whole thing was, and how they'd get right back to me and how I'd be brought in on Monday to meet with the person's boss. Since HR had called my recruiter to fill the position and since the recruiter sent only over me, I was feeling pretty good. Even started spending some of the money I hadn't heard yet. Even did something I knew I shouldn't of done and told people I think I had a job.

Silly, silly me. Should have known better. As my dad told me, "the evil eye hears all."

It was all too easy, all too perfect. The job was way too good. Good enough that I was thinking that everything had indeed worked out for the best. Naturally, it was just too good. Because some people just don't ever get that lucky.

Monday came and no phone call. Panicked phone call to the recruiter came on Tuesday with a reminder that I had a job offer on the table and that I needed some sort of answer soon. Yeah, it wasn't true, but I thought I should play some hardball for once. I had had enough of being jerked around by companies and by HR people. Gonna play by my rules this time.

Hours later, I got the call. An interview on Thursday, with the Head of the Department. The recruiter told me that they should be able to make a decision right afterwards too. It was what someone called a "check off" interview, an interview conducted because it was procedure to conduct it and even if it was fait accompli, it had to happen anyways. Bust out the chablis.

This morning, lying in bed, half-asleep, the phone rang. Didn't answer it because usually when the phone rings in the morning and I'm in bed, it's telemarketers, so I lied in bed a bit longer, then checked my voice mail. It was from the recruiter. The interview was cancelled. They had hired somebody else.

Stunned and dazed, I took a shower and got some coffee. Too tired to deal with any of this. Needed time to digest it all. Half an hour and half a cup of coffee later, I called the recruiter. She told me that right after my supposedly fabulous interview, the person I had met with interviewed someone else, someone not brought in by the recruiter. She liked the other person, brought them in on Monday for the final interview, made them an offer, then left home early sick and didn't tell anyone anything.

Trying to put the pieces together, to make sense of it all, it sounds like the Department brought in someone else, someone HR didn't know about and hired them. Then didn't tell HR about it, which is why I was pencilled in for my "check off" interview. And so someone's already working the position, Dream Job's HR department is sitting around going "duh," and yet another person is apologizing profusely to me for my getting shafted. And me? Jobless once again and with a father refusing to take my birthday gift because he doesn't think I can afford it.

Don't know what happened, other than that. As usual, there's mystery's wrapped around riddles. Was it because of the whole resume snafu? Was it because I was first told my resume wasn't good enough, then too good. Was it because while I was being forced to rework my resume, the Department panicked and set up their own interview? And why if they already had someone in the pipe-line did they keep on setting up interviews with me way in the future, dates which I had to tell them wouldn't work because I needed to get in their sooner? Or was it something else, something completely even more fucked up than what I know already and nobody will tell me the truth. Remember, when it comes to jobs, trust no one.

Sick of it all…..