We beat Mexico? Now how'd that happen.

We might be the luckiest sumsofabitches in the World Cup, but at least our guys can finish. We're so new to this whole winning bit soccer matches that one of the British guys in the Pub tried to make up songs for everyone to sing because we just don't really have any American football songs, other than just chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!U-S-A!" over and over again, a chant more arrogant than sporting. And just typical of soccer's luck in the U.S., the team might be about to pull a Miracle on Ice here, but since it's in the middle, hardly anyone's watching. Still didn't stop some car to go screaming by at 2 in the morning with people cheering and honking horns.

Great, another reason for the world is gonna resent us.