Here we go sports fans, the moment you've all been waiting for- First Day Temping- Episode Two: Attack of the Clones

Got up before the alarm, totally exhausted and drenched in sweat. Felt sick and broken down, the result of it being too fucking hot lately and insomnia taking my sleep. Haven't averaged more than four hours of sleep in three days and I can't say I'm looking forward at the thought of having to spend all day typing away. Woke up a bit after showering and headed out of the apartment. On my way to work. For the first time since May.

Despite it all, I actually felt kind of good to be going to work. Commuting even.

When you're not working it's like your invisible person- a shadow. You have no job, no place to be or nothing to do and so you're constantly in a state of suspended animation. Your life is pretty much waiting for a job and fending off boredom/insanity. When you've been out for as long as I have, it's even harder. Sometimes I think about that short story I read in like Elementary School, about the kid who never left his bedroom and slowly, bit by bit, had the real world fade away from him.

Last night, I took a walk around 7. It was the first time I had really gotten out of my place all day and as I watched all the hustle and bustle of the Mission at that time, I felt really weird. Like there's this whole world going on around me- people meeting other people at bars, people going out to dinner, exercising- and I had forgotten about all about it. I had the same feeling this morning- that I had forgotten what it was like to actually have a place to go, to be part of the crowd. Yeah, it's only for a Temp Assignment, but for awhile, I could play worker bee. I was one of them.

There are benefits of working at a place you've temped before. Already had done the dress up for a good first impression thing, so I didn't have to worry about getting all gussied up. I also knew that the boss always came in late, so I knew I could be late. Knew where to go and where the closest deli's were. And when I got there, I didn't have to do the usual first day on a Temp job schpiel. No being sent around the office being shown where everything is and being introduced to everyone ("hi, this is our new unemployed loser who can't find a job and he's gonna be temping with us at the dreary job we can't get anyone else to do."). Also didn't have to spend half the morning reading through instructional manual after instruction manual on the Meaning of It All and the proper method of entering data when I knew I already knew how to do it.

Then there's the bad side of working at a place where I've already worked at. The whole Deja Vuness of it all. Everything was the same. Same people, same job, same set up. Some people had gotten new hair-cuts, the Chippies had been moved to the back of the office, the Receptionist/Office Manager had lost a lot of weight and the Blonde who always wore her shirt way too tight had gained a few more pounds and wasn't wearing a shirt way too tight. Other than that, it was all the same. Like I never left. Like the past four months never happened. Or like I had escaped, only to be brought back. I'm Steve McQueen in "The Great Escape" once again, being thrown my glove and baseball as I go back to Solitary Confinement. It was such deja vu that my computer station was two computers down from where it was before and whenever I went back to my computer, I started off going to my old one, then had to remind myself I'm not there. It was so bad I got flustered in the morning because while my favorite coffee mug was there, my favorite drinking glass was gone. And I never even had to worry about if people recognized me because right off the bat, the Receptionist/Office Manager saw me coming up the stairs and greeted me with a "howdy stranger." Not to mention the only Temp who I was friendly with saw me and said "hey, so you came back."

Then there's other things I remembered too. The dreariness of typing the same stuff minute after minute, hour after hour. The totally exhausting struggle to make it from one hour to another hour and the constant struggle not to just get up and go spend an hour online or taking a walk. And the weirdness of working at a place you're not quite working at, yet being there day after day, not wanting to really be that social but also feeling kind of left out when people were being social.

That's another thing about temping, the whole socializing aspect. Take the receptionist for instance. Her saying hi to me made me feel better, eased my anxiety about walking back into the place. Yet, I also felt guilty because the last time I worked there, she was really nice to me and would talk to me in the kitchen or outside when she was taking a smoke break and I was out taking my twelfth walk of the day. But because I was temping there and knew I was gonna be out of there soon, I was kind of dicky to her. Not because I didn't like her (I mean like her, not like like her), but simply because I didn't really see the point in it.

Oh wait, I'm rambling. Plus this whole piece is neither funny, snarky, poignant or any good. I'm basically feeling feeling like crud right now. Need to find a nice, cool place and sleep this all off. Or a nice beach and pitchers full of margaritas. Lots of margarita's.