Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Ugh. Insomnia again. Got it really bad. Really, really bad.

I think for the past two nights I've been averaging maybe three hours of sleep at the most. And trust me, there's not a lot out there that sucks as much as it being 2:30 on a work night and finding yourself completely wide awake and unable to sleep. It's not fun, nosiree, Bob.

Yeah, I'm a little stressed out about work these days. There's not a whole lot going on because of some huge trade-show and it being my second week having tons of down-time is not a good thing. Trying to look busy when you're not is not as easy as it sounds. But the main thing about the insomnia right now is that it's kind of a performance anxiety thing. It's stage fright. Getting to sleep is becoming such a huge issue that it's keeping me up just wishing I could get to sleep. I'm so stressed out on wanting to sleep that I can't.

I'm exhausted when I go into work (again, not good considering I just started a job). All day I'm frickin' exhausted, surviving on coffee and Sprite to make it through the day. The only thing I can think of all day is how much I want to go home so I can hopefully, finally, get myself some shut-eye. And then, when it comes time for the big moment, for shut-eye, it ain't happening. No shut-eye for me. It's a little over 10 right now and while my body is completely done, my mind is still racing. I can tell it's gonna be a long night just because whenever I take the time to notice, my teeth are so clenched together that my jaw hurts.

Oh yeah, I'm off to LA on Thursday for the big company party and some huge trade show. In other words, while I'm completely, fricking exhausted, I'm gonna be schlepping my butt all the way down to LA, going to some party with 1200 people, and then going around a huge convention center checking things out and going to meetings. I want to sleep. I needs to sleep. I have to sleep. Naturally, I can't sleep.

My kingdom for some shut-eye…..

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