Yeah, it seems to be get on the Soap Box and pontificate day. Which nobody seems to like when I do it, but what the hell. I'm tired and massively hungover after my Last Day at Work Festivities, culiminating seeing the Melvins at the Great American Music Hall from a scalper, so this is all I can do today. Not to mention I think I just fucked up my ear when cleaning it and can't hear anything out of my right ear.


How did I miss this? The President of the United States hopped onto one of our super-duper jet fighter planes, got all decked out in military garb, and got flown onto an aircraft carrier. There, after changing out his military garb and with a banner loudly proclaiming "Mission Accomplished" he made this big huge speech to the country telling everyone that the war in Iraq is kind of, sort of, over.

Oh, please, please, please, let some Red State, Fox News loving, American Flag waving type reach the same conclusion that is just so obvious about it all- can you say "way over the top?" If the President were to wrap the flag around himself any tighter he'd be in danger of dying from autoerotic asphyxiation. And where are all those Republican yap-dogs who demanded congressional investigations everytime Clinton did something whacky on the taxpayers dime? Being flown by a jet plane onto an Aircraft carrier for the very first political commercial of the 2004 election has gotta to cost a pretty penny. Just maybe, maybe it would be enough for kids in Oregon to have one more school day not cut from their calendar.

And just what mission did we accomplish? Found lots of WMD's did we? Discovered tons of Al Queda cells, did we? And yeah- standard anti-war disclaimer here- the Iraqi people (at least the one's we didn't kill or maim) are probably better off than before, at least for now, but I'll let The Onion sum it up- Tortured Ugandan Political Prisoner Wishes Uganda Had Oil . Oh, yeah, right, it was about 9/11. It's always about 9/11. The proposed tax cuts are because of 9/11. Oil drilling in Alaska is about 9/11. Sarah from Joe Millioinaire appearing in Playboy is because of 9/11. Except for the fact that Iraq had nothing to do with it, something even the Administration will occasionally admit, but in ways that would make the Subliminal Guy on the old SNL skits proud. Just listen to one of them on one of those talk shows. They'll always say things like "blah, blah, blah…yes, there is no proof that IRAQ had anything to do with 9/11, has any TIES TO AL QUEDA, any WEAPONS OF MASS-DESTRUCTION, or SUPPORT TERRORISTS, but….."

In fact, while the Administrations is out doing a victory lap and the American people are circle-jerking in the mirror and exclaiming how wonderful we all are, doesn't it strike anyone rather odd that we seem to be the only one's in full "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!" mode? The Europeans don't seem to really care (haven't seen Tony Blair doing much gloating these days, have you?), Asia's all freaked out about SARS, and the Arabs are pissed off at us, as usual. Even the Iraqi's, the people with whom we just "liberated" can't wait for the door to hit our asses on our way out of their country.

I think I'll leave it to Madonna to sum up our current craziness as only she can with these sparkling lyrics from her new song:

I'm drinking a Soy latte
I get a double shot
It goes right through my body
And you know
I'm satisfied,
I drive my mini cooper
And I'm feeling super-dooper
Yo they tell I'm a trooper
And you know I'm satisfied
I do yoga and pilates
And the room is full of hotties
So I'm checking out the bodies
And you know I'm satisfied
I'm digging on the isotopes
This metaphysic's shit is dope
And if all this can give me hope
You know I'm satisfied
I got a lawyer and a manager
An agent and a chef
Three nannies, an assistant
And a driver and a jet
A trainer and a butler
And a bodyguard or five
A gardener and a stylist
Do you think I'm satisfied?
I'd like to express my extreme point of view
I'm not Christian and I'm not a Jew
I'm just living out the American dream
And I just realized that nothing Is what it seems

As Neo would say, "woah..."