Once again, for all the Ladies in the House, I present the Hooray for Anything Guide to Things Not to Do on a Date

-Sniff armpits and discuss how you’ve recently decided not to put on underarm deodorant because you’ve heard underarm deodorant causes Alzheimer’s

-Mention that you haven’t shaved your legs in three months but that you did shave your face this morning for the first time in a week

-Belch excessively with Homer-like gusto*

-Make fun of people sitting at table next to you, which may have been funny and the people deserving, but it’s not necessarily a good thing to do when they’re less than three feet away and can hear half of what was said.

-Be bitchy to girl putting quarters on pool table to reserve table for next game.

-Get into argument with cab driver on ride home**

* Date realizes that everyone burps occasionally, even the Queen Mum, and that it shows maybe perhaps too bit of daintiness on part of Date. Date, however, wonders if burping that loudly and frequently is more of a relationship type thing and not a 2nd date type thing. He would also like to add that if he wanted to date someone with hairy legs, stubble, B.O., and a fondness for burping, he’d date men. Which he does not.

** Date also realizes that not having one’s back while they argue with cab driver breaks some sort of chivalrous code which could explain why earlier discussion of taking dogs out for a day was never followed up on. He apologizes. Date would like to say, however, that it was late, he was tired, and he still had to take said dog out for a walk and thus not thrilled with prospect of having to walk home after Cab driver kicks him out (Date has had it happen to him). He would also like add that while occasionally pretty chivalrous, thinks drunken belligerence with cab drivers is gauche. Especially when for the life of him he can’t remember what it was over other than bad attitude on part of both parts.