I actually watched part of the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics Friday night but somewhere around the "Tribute to the History of Greek Sculpture" I turned it off. I always get a kick out of watching the Opening Ceremonies whenever they take place in European countries. They're always so, well, European- pretentiously arty and cheesily avant-garde but still kind of cool. As opposed to all the Opening Ceremonies in the United States which always come off as inoffensively arty and cheesily middle-brow, like a slightly higher-class Disney Parade or Superbowl Halftime show (and wouldn't it be fun if we did a Superbowl Halftime Show Eurotrash style? Like instead of Janet Jackson and Mary J. Blige would have Circe de Soleil and that minotaur type figure shooting off glowing arrows? Wouldn't it be hilarious to hear John Madden have to explain to all the TV viewers what almost-naked acrobats dancing on a three-dimensional skull represents?). All you need to know about how we differ from the Europeans in all things show is that the Greek's got Bjork to do the big musical number (which they totally would) and we'd probably have, oh, Jessica Simpson do the big musical number. What do you think is cooler? I guess I'll take my European cheese over American Cheese any day. Well, as long as it doesn't involve Ace of Bass or something like that.

I was actually planning to write some long, poignant and intensely well-written piece about how much I loved watching the Olympics as a kid and why I don't know. Something to do about TV Coverage, American solipism, blah blah blabbity blah but took a pass. Instead I think I can sum up my lack of interest in the Olympics thusly: having to suddenly care about athletes I've never heard of playing sports I don't care about equals extreme apathy. You have to commit to watching the Olympics in order to make it work for you and I just can't commit. Besides, it's looking like I'm going to be in two (two!) Fantasy Football Leagues and I have about two weeks to go before my first draft. Who has time to worry about Olympic Fencing Rivalries when I need to research things like whether or not the Saints will be utilizing a third-down back and whether or not the third-down back is good enough to hurt the regular back's numbers? Priorities people.

Besides, I'm having trouble watching these Olympics because Greece is probably my favorite place in the world (well, definitely not Athens, but the rest of the country) and seeing all those pictures of white painted houses overlooking shiny blue seas makes me depressed that I'm not there. I see a couple shots of the Islands during the program and all I want to do is pound some Ouzo, find a copy of "Rythm is a Dancer" and dance on my coffee table.