Now that the Bay Guardian Wank of the Week has gone big-time, I'm feeling a little angsty about it. I mean, now that I'm going to get several, maybe even tens of hits now wanting to see what the Wank is all about, what happens if I got nothing? What happens if I don't have anything this week? What if the Bay Guardian got a copy-editor? Or even an editor? I feel like Barry Bonds must feel when he actually gets pitched to.

Luckily (or unluckily considering I have to read all this), this week was a treasure trove, a veritable embarrassment of riches. It's both the Endorsement Issue (vote for this candidate because he/she/what-have-you is an independent and tough-minded candidate who agrees with everything we want them to!) and (AND!) a special Music Section. We're talking about an issue that features an entire story on some guy who makes CD's of plant noises. We're talking about a film column about "the auteur" of Winnipeg that actually uses the word "oeuvre" and Welles-ian".

Truth is, I'd like to give the award to a column on Japanese pop-stars Puffy AmiYumi for the sheer "pot, meet kettle"-ness in it being a screed against smug, elitist music critics all in defense of an obscure Japanese band. Because nothing says I'm not a smug, elitist music critic like defending obscure foreign bands. Okay, sure, they're Big in Japan but doesn't that statement pretty much sum it up right there? (side note- let's say said band wasn't on a Japanese cartoon, but say, an American TV cartoon on the ABC Family Network. And let's say that they were huge with the kiddies. Would the music critic be writing gushing reviews of CD's and comparing them to other obscure, uber-hip bands like Elephant 6 or Olivia Tremor Control?). But we won't because everyone's coming here for the Money Quote and the Money Quote is what you'll get. Besides, we'll leave the summary of the Bay Guardian to sister-site SFist and the lovely and talented Rita (who hopefully isn't too drunk while writing the summary).

Instead, we give you this quote from a review of the movie "Dig!", a movie that actually looks kind of cool. It's a documentary following two rivals bands as they tour, record, and all that other VH-1 "Behind the Music" type-stuff (which the reviewer details as "Homeric in scope if it weren't so Dickensian in squalorous detail.").

So, without further ado, here is (drum roll please), the Bay Guardian Wank of the Week-

" MUSIC CAN BE owned, but aura can't. Aura can't even be borrowed, really. But it can be capitalized on. Sometimes the process involves transcendental moments in crowded, sweat-soaked rooms that smell faintly of urine, beer, last decade's cigarettes, and tomorrow's orgasm."