I love ESPN.com. It's one of my favorite sites on the Web, maybe my favorite. The problem is that they got so many bells and whistles on their site that it just messes everything up. Sometime's it doesn't download completely, sometimes it crashes Explorer, and sometimes it just plain crashes my computer. When it does load, it usually takes frickin' forever to do so (frickin, by the way, is my word for the month.)

Poking around the site one day, I found on the FAQ some helpful advice on how to fix whatever problems I'm having with the site. Apparently, it's all my fault. See, in order to properly view the site, I need to have to download the latest version of Flash. I have an old version of it and haven't kept myself up to date. If I'd only get with it, I wouldn't have so many problems with the site.

Well, excuse me. I don't want to download Flash 5.0. I have dial-up and I don't have the time to wait for a huge program to be downloaded. Plus I've downloaded enough programs in my time to know that they usually cause unforseen problems. Like extension conflicts or something like that. Then I'd have to download another program to fix that conflict which causes another conflict and then next thing you know, nothing ever quite works the same way again.

You know what? I don't want to frickin' download the latest version of Flash. I like what I have. It works for me. Yes, I wish I had DSL or cable, but I don't right now. And you know something else? I bet most people out there, most people who surf the Web, don’t have all that stuff either. I bet you they don't have Flash 5.0 and DSL lines and those who do are at work and should probably get back to work. RIGHT NOW (that means you, buddy).

Not only that, my computer is only a year old. Which means that it was all up-to-date a year ago. Now it's not. Now I'm being penalized because my computer is SO 2001 and ESPN.com is SO 2002. Whatever. Bite me.

How 'bout this? How bout the genius Web programmers and engineers, the producers and designers stop throwing so much fucking stuff up on the site. Stop with all the flashing signs and the moving items. Stop using that stupid tab's thing which is the only way to get to Page 2. Stop with the moving bobble-head pictures. How 'bout that?

And I can't get a job in the internet biz…..