There's a homeless guy whose always in my neighborhood. Actually, he's very often right outside my front door. He's not a crazy homeless guy- in fact he looks pretty together and pretty bright, the kind of guy who you think really needs money because something obviously fucked him up enough that he's stuck doing what he's doing. Instead of asking for spare change, he's always trying to sell Street Sheet, which everyone knows is just really a front for asking for spare change, but whatever.

Because he's always in my neighborhood, I see him almost once a day and every day he always gives me a "hey, how bout this time?" Then he gives me the international signal for "gimme some money."

I hate seeing him. I wish he wouldn't always be right outside my door.

You see, when I first moved into my apartment, I bought a cabinet for my place. I lugged it all the way from a store around the corner, got it to my apartment, but realized that it was way, way to big for me to carry up to my third-floor apartment. That guy, the homeless guy, was there, saw my problem, and offered to help. Since I was pretty stuck, I said sure, and for ten bucks, had him help me carry the cabinet up into my apartment. Which means that not only has he helped me out of a jam, he's been in my apartment. Inside. I have friends, really good friends who haven't been inside my place yet, but this homeless guy has.

All of which makes the whole thing really weird. I have no idea if he remembers helping me out. I also have no idea if he also recognizes me on the streets, but I do- I recognize him. So the whole interaction- your basic homeless guy asking anonymous, random person for money- that whole dynamic, has changed. I'm no longer an anonymous, random person being asked for money anymore. I am someone he knows. Someone he's helped out. Someone who has given him probably more money in a day than he usually makes.

Dealing with as many homeless people as you do here in the city, you get pretty used to blowing them off. I don't even acknowledge them anymore, just make sure I don't look in their direction and go on my way. I know, pretty mean-spirited of me, not a very "C'mon people now, Smile on your brother, Ev'rybody get together, Try and love one another right now" kind of way, but when you get solicited on the average of three times per city-block, for eleven years, it happens. But I can't do that with this guy. It's personal now. So everytime I tell him no, I feel really guilty about it.

And I have to go through this almost every day.