Okay, there are many things that baffle me in this universe. Probably way too many things. And most of you know a whole heaping mouthful of them. I'd like to add another thing to my list of things that baffle me- the Grammy's. Why does anyone care about the Grammy's? Like, does anyone remember who won a Grammy and when or for what?

Why do people care? Why is there buzz and hype and breathless promotion, so much so that MTV even let's Kurt Loder crawl out from whatever rock he's been hiding under (come out, Kurt, come out! Who else is around to break it to the world about Britney's impending meltdown/drug binge? Sway?) It just goes to my belief that if somebody decides to throw an award show and gets a TV contract, people will attend. If you give it, they will come. Hell, if I threw a Hooray for Anything Award Show, I'll bet I'd get Mellisa and Joan Rivers out in front of my studio apartment recapping people's outfits. And somebody would care. I betcha I could get Ja Rule to attend at least.

My biggest issue is this, have the Grammy's ever gotten anything right? Other than when the album or song was totally obvious and non-offensive (like "The Joshua Tree"), whatever album really is a big deal never wins. Just look at all the big, revoluntionary albums of the past ten years (or 30). How many of them won a damn thing? Yeah, you can say that about the Oscars too (hello, Forrest Gump over Pulp Fiction? The English Patient over Fargo? Does anyone even remember The English Patient?), but at least the Oscar's have some cred to it. The Grammy's, none. I guess it's supposed to have cred because it's held by the RIAA, otherwise known as the cats who run Music Biz, but so what? These people's opinions matter why? These are the people who've given us CD's for $18.99, the shutdown of Napster, and the both Aaron and Nick Carter fer crissakes.

Let's look at this year for example. Everyone knows that the first half of the year was all about Bruuuuuce and the second half of the year was all about Eminem. Hell, let's face it, right now it's All About Eminem. He's so big now that even people who hate him like him now. But yet who got all the big awards? Norah Jones.

Okay, her song is pretty. It's nice. Which pretty much describes it- it's a nice song. It's got all the edge of a nerf ball. It's nothing but sonic wallpaper. Does anyone think the people who've heard the song were so inspired by it that they just picked up a guitar and decided to dedicate their lives to rock n' roll for it? Does anyone think that some burn-out, angst-ridden teen is writing the lyrics to the song all over their notebook as if just writing it over and over again would make the world alright? Does anyone think people are putting Norah Jones posters all over their bedrooms? No. The only thing I see the song inspiring, other than a bunch of "Where Are They Now" shows in the future, is songs played at weddings. Which is just….nice.

I've read too that at the end of the show, there was a tribute to Joe Strummer. Bruce, Elvis Costello, and Dave Grohl, among others, all came out and sang "London's Calling" in honor the mighty singer of the Clash. Which pretty much sums it all up in a weird sort of way. The Clash never won a Grammy. They were never nominated and I don't think they even attended or were invited. You know who won the "Best New Artist" Award that year? Debby "You Light Up My Life" Boone. Yet there they were, celebrating an artist they never had the balls to give an award too, never have the balls to nominate, and never had the balls to invite. And nobody thought it off to be paying paying tribute to a punk rock pioneer, at probably the most un-punk rock thing in rock n' roll. And at an event in which any mention of the impending war was banned.

I'm sure Joe was thrilled.