With protests raging around the world and today being the day of the super-huge protest in the City by the Bay (which meant me waking up to drums and chants and the local bagel place being out of bagels- and no, I'm not bitter), I once again take to computer to contemplate the inevitable War with Iraq and the State of the World.

But, don't worry. This won't suck. I promise it'll be funny. Or an attempt to be funny.

As I watch things transpire around the world, I consider Bush's position. Part of me understands his frustration. Basically, what he's trying to do is organize the entire world to make a stand against Iraq, whether or not this is the right thing or whether or not he's really trying to organize everyone or merely playing lip-service to the idea and buying everyone off is another matter entirely. But still, he's out there, going to the U.N. and trying to get a large, large group of people to make a big, huge decision about something. This can't be easy.

Look at it this way. You know how aggravating it can be to organize a big get-together of some kind? Like going out to dinner? This is that whole dilemma, writ large. "Well, Turkey can make it on this date, but can't on this date. And Spain can make it on this date, but definitely can't that night, and Australia can do these nights, but not those nights. England's definitely able to do it whenever, but France can't commit, and Germany has to check with France to see what France is doing and the Arabs can make it, but might have to be leave early."

Or, take this example- many is the time I've stood at street corners, especially in North Beach, with a large group of friends and stood there, trying to figure out which bar to go to. This is the kind of conversation that would go on:

"Wanna go the Savoy?"
"Uhhh, I don't know."
"No, I hate that place, it's too yuppie, let's go somewhere else, how about Tosca's?"
"No, we always go there, I'm bored of it."
"Yeah, it's too Eurotrash. How about the Grant & Green?"
"Umm, I dunno."
"Whatever's fine by me."
"No, I hate that place, let's go the Savoy. We always have a good time there…."

And on and on and on.

Which is what's kind of going on now. As we all now, in situations like that, the decision is usually driven by the person most willing to be adamant about going to someplace. It's the only way to push things along in a world full of ambivalence. Somebody's gotta make the decision. And Bush has taken it upon himself to be that person to push people into going to the Savoy.

On the other hand, as we all know from being in situations like that, there are plenty of ways of getting people to make group descriptions and bullying them is not the way to go about doing it. Neither is insulting, making demands, or calling them pussies. Which is what Bush is doing. If you really want people to go to the Savoy on a Saturday night, you don't do it by telling the people who aren't sure that they want to go there that they're boring, old, or lacking in moral fortitude. Doing that makes people pissed off at you. That's how people don't go to the Savoy just because. And that's how you find yourself having less and less of a social life as everyone slowly stops calling you because you're being an asshole. Which is why Europe seems completely united in their unwillingness to go to war. And which is why a lot of Americans (including myself) are thinking about manning the barricades only because Bush and Rummy really piss them off.

The funny thing, though, is that Bush's specialty, the thing that got him where he is today (besides having the family name and connections, not to mention a brother who runs Florida, dumb luck, and a conservative Supreme Court) is his people skills. If he truly had people skills, he'd realize that to get people to go along with his war of his the way everyone gets people to go along with something- passive aggressiveness, back-biting, gossiping, and sucking up. It's only natural to assume that what works in the real world works in the diplomatic world too.

So, what I'm thinking, is that if he really wants to war (and remember, I don't necessarily think the war is that bad of an idea) and he really doesn't want to piss of the entire world (which he's doing a damn fine job of), do it like we do it in the real world. Call up England and bitch about France. Suck up to France while dissing Germany and vice versa. Compliment Saudi Arabia about what a swell place it is. Tell the Chinese how important they are. And most importantly, don't bully people. Don't tell them "my way or the highway." Tell them things like "no, if you want inspectors to come in and waste more time, fine by me. Whatever. I don't care." Or "hey, it's alright if you don't war, I don't really want war, either, I'm just saying."

See, wouldn't that make for a much better world right now? And I'm only bringing this up because I really don't like the fact that the entire world seems to hate us right now.