It's 1 in the morning and I can't sleep. I am pretty drunk and way tired, but sleeping ain't happening. And it isn't my fault. Some car alarm is going off a couple of blocks away and all I can hear is the constant "honk honk honk" of a car.

Is there a more annoying, useless thing in the world than a car alarm? Has a car alarm ever scared off a potential thief? Has it ever prevented anything? Has it ever alerted the owner that something has happened?

Damnit, I want to see numbers on this because I'm pretty sure that the only thing car alarms do is piss the hell out of people who are around the cars. How many times have you been somewhere and been driven crazy by some BMW with a hyperactive car alarm going off because somebody breathed too closely to it?

If it's the numbers I think it is, car alarms should be banned. Like right now. Either that, or it should be passed that if they go off for more than four minutes before taken care of, said alarm will activate a self-destruct signal so the car will then blow the fuck up. It may not be good for the person who owns said car, but I'm pretty sure right now everyone in my neighborhood wishes that damn car would blow up so they wouldn't have to hear it honking all night long.