I'm watching "Charmed," a show I seem to be inexorably drawn to despite the inherent Spelling-ness of it all, when all of a sudden the screen goes black, followed by one of those high-pitched sounds. Oh my God, I thought, it's the kicking in of the Emergency Broadcast System. I thought those things had gone away, a Cold War relic thrown away into some attic never to be used unless something really, really bad happens. Is something bad happening?

My mind started racing. I flipped through the channels and noticed that every channel on my cable had gone black and was broadcasting the sound. What could it be? Nuclear attack? Terrorrism? Impending earthquake?

Nope, turns out some kid might have been abducted and they were alerting the entire Bay Area that there was a child abduction going down. Hearing this, I did what any red-blooded concerned citizen would do- grabbed my jacket and headed outside to help stop the child abduction. Because, of course, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?