Ah man, once again I was all prepared to post something last week but didn't due to exhaustion. Damn filing job. It was good too and just like the earlier post, I was once again ahead of the curve. Keep in mind too, that when I thought up this post this morning, it was really brilliant and incisive so picture what I meant to write instead of what I wrote. Damn, working is tiring.

So here's what I was going to talk about…

A couple of weeks ago, the lovely folks at "Homeland Security" unveiled their latest measures to make us safe from terrorists. Upon entering the country, travelers to this here Land of the Free have to get fingerprinted and photographed. Well, not every foreigner, just those who have to have a Visa to enter, mainly those who aren't from Europe and Canada (Mexicans don't need a Visa either and could go through unimpeded, but they don't count for sake of this argument because we all know what everyone thinks about Mexicans entering this country). Those who have to get ID'ed include people from those hotbeds of terrorism including Costa Ricans, Mongolians, Samoans and well, every place that's not predominately run by white people.

This is all supposed to make us safer, despite the fact that there's so many loopholes in the system that an Al Qaeda intern could probably figure out a way around it in less than ten minutes. The measure wouldn't have caught Mohammed Atta, wouldn't have caught Moussaoui, and it wouldn't have caught everyone's fave, the Shoe-Bomber. All it is just a security blanket, some hi-tech gizmo (probably made by a huge contributor to the GOP) that goes "Bing!" and makes us feel better.

But besides the fact it doesn't work, there's the whole issue of whether we should be doing this. We're now asking people who arrive in our country all bleary-eyed and grumpy from being cooped up in a plane for God knows how many hours to get fingerprinted and have their photo taken. All this to enter the country that tells everyone just how gosh darn great we are because our legal system is predicated on the belief that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. We are now basically telling everyone who enters the country that we think they're guilty until some computer tells us they're not.

Now, you would think that the obviousness of the lameness of this thing would be apparent, that a cry would go throughout the land that we appreciate the concern, but no thanks. But no. I saw a poll somewhere saying that the thing had the support of like 87% of the country (and no, I don't have a link to back this up- I couldn't Google it. Just trust me, mmmkay?). Who cares if we piss off the rest of the world and who cares that it's becoming such a pain to come here that most people from other countries are just going to say "screw this, I'm going elsewhere" when, my God, won't somebody think of the children?

Okay, let's look at this another way. Let's pretend another country, let's say France, suddenly declared that because some Americans are nothing but bitches and hoes, they're going to photograph and fingerprint us when we land in Paris. Then, they'd run it through their "Bitches and Hoes" computer database (or, in France "Les Bitches et Les Hoes") to keep out all the Bitches and Hoes from entering the country. Imagine the outrage that would greet the policy. Just imagine the reaction of Jimmy Bob and Becky Lu Johnson of Lafayette Louisiana as they schlep off the plane and have to get fingerprinted. I'm sure they'd be accommodating. My guess is that the reaction would fall somewhere along the lines of "let's string the beret wearing bastards up!"

Surely, I jest. We Americans wouldn't do that. After all, if it's good enough for people entering this country, it's good enough for us. We're all in this together, right? And there's nothing we Americans do better than doing what we preach, of thinking about what life is like for other people. Well, the only country so far to tell off the good ole U S of A is Brazil. They figured what's good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander as it were and mandated that Americans have to get fingerprinted and photographed. And the reaction?

"Brazil arrests American Airlines pilot over obscene gesture during security check".

Oh yeah, by the way, it turns out we've officially protested to the Brazilian Government. Because, you know, it's so wrong to do that to us Americans because unlike the rest of the world (well, the non-white part of the World), we're just so gosh darn good. We never, never, never do anything violent or wrong (with the exception, of course, of our serial killers, gang members, political assassins, disgruntled teenagers, and Raiders fans.)

I've said it before and I'll say it again- we so suck right now.