Another morning, another interview. This time for a glorified Word Processor position. Well, a Word Processing position with a little Desktop Publishing thrown in too. As well as a little design work, some Web work, and PowerPoint work. Not to mention some financial analysis, handling the phones when the receptionist is on a break, and general office work. Oh yeah, and building up a marketing library "using object-oriented methodology," whatever the hell that is. I actually looked up "object-oriented methodology" online to see what it means but after reading a description of it, I gave up because it was giving me a headache.

And the pay for all of this? $14 an hour.

Before the interview, the person at the employment agency forewarned me that there was to be a three-part test I'm supposed to take. The person at the agency told me that a bunch of people had been sent over, only to flunk out while taking the test. No problem, I told her as I secretly took a big gulp. I hate it when somebody actually tests me on my supposed PowerPoint skills. How am I supposed to get away with lying about it on my resume?

Anyways, I show up at the office, introduce myself to the receptionist, and I'm handed over a sheet that I'm supposed to fill out. It's a psychological test. On one side is a list of adjectives to which I'm supposed to check off all the ones that I think people should say about me. On the other side are the very-same adjectives, except this time, I'm supposed to check off all the ones that people really say about me.

All this for a $14 an hour temp job.

Now how the hell is this psychological test supposed to tell anyone whether or not I'd make a good temp at $14 an hour? What sort of things are they looking for and how can they tell how good I'd be at doing stupid PowerPoint slides by checking off things like "energetic" or "persistent?" How is any of this going to determine anything when it's not like anyone's going to fill it out correctly? After all, I may be sort-of passive and escapist, but there's no way in hell I'm going to admit to being sort of passive and escapist. And finally there's the question of just how much of my rotten luck would it be that I cruise through the rest of the interview and the test only to not get the job because something on the test says that I have a fear of conflict due to mommy issues? And even if it's true, what the hell does it have to do with making flyers?

I finish up and the interview begins. The interview goes well although the lady who interviews me asks my why it appears that I can't hold a job for very long (you'd think that someone who works in an HR department of San Francisco would have heard of lay-offs). And with that, I go take my non-psychological test.

Basically the gist is that I have twenty-five minutes to do three different tasks on the computer- one file conversion, a PowerPoint presentation, and the designing of a flyer on PhotoShop. None of these are that difficult, but it is kind of difficult when timed like that. The file conversion thing is a pretty quick little chore so basically you have a little over twenty minutes to do two tasks that would normally take about twenty minutes to do each, more to do each well. Which brings up the great Solomesque dilemma of the test- 'tis better to finish or almost finish both of them yet do a half-assed job of both or do a kick-ass job on one and suck on the other? I went for Option #1 and did the half-assed job on both. And half-assed pretty much described it. The PowerPoint thing totally sucked mainly because just as I got into the groove I realized I had about ten minutes left and had to design a flyer and the flyer had potential but kind of came off looking like I was stopped in the middle of it because the test was over. Which it was.

All of which makes me wonder this- I wonder why it is they're having trouble filling the position?

Hmmm, maybe I should have said I was fussy?

Oh, the worst part of the whole experience? I'm coming off BART and waiting for the light on 16th and Valencia and because I'm all decked out in a suit, some homeless guy gloms onto me thinking that because I'm in a suit, I have money. Instead of doing the usual "spare change" routine, he walks right up next to me, tries to get me into a conversation, ignores the fact I'm trying my darndest not to get into a conversation with him, and then gives me a guilt trip for not giving him money. Dude, if I don't get a job in a couple of weeks, I'm going to be out asking for spare change.