So yeah, the Oscars were pretty boring. I was actually kind of happy watching them, though, mainly because most of the people I wanted to win won (yay Sophia Coppola). All except for Bill Murray who looked really upset when he lost. Bill plays the ironic character so well that it's shocking to see him actually and honestly, be sad about something. Cheer up Bill, we all love you.

But man, I hate the whole red carpet thing. I mean, we're at war, it's an Election year, and Paris Hilton is suing her ex-boy-toy over proceeds of the sex tape and yet all everyone cares about is what somebody is wearing. I actually feel sorry for all the celebs at the red carpet. There they are, all decked out to the nines after weeks and weeks of diets, exercise and colonics only to be picked on by Joan Rivers. How would you like your appearance being made fun of by someone whose had so many skin tucks that it looks like she's wearing saran wrap? Imagine you're like Renee Zellwiger and you picked out what you think is this totally lovely, fabulous dress and when you show up, everyone's like "Oh my God, can you believe she's wearing that thing? What is she thinking? Hel-lo?" It's like when you were in High School and you bought what you thought was this total kick-ass, totally cool outfit and when you show up, everyone laughs at you (which, of course, never happened to me).

You know another thing I was wondering about is the whole kissing. It's always awkward when you greet somebody and you never know whether you're going hug or kiss or what have you. Some people are kissers, some people are huggers, and some people are neither. As awkward as that whole thing can be on a day-to-day level, imagine how awkward it is to do at the Oscars while going to get your award. Like you've won an award and Scarlett Johannsen announced your name. Do you hug her? Do you kiss her on the cheek? And if you do kiss her on the cheek how do you do it without making it seem like the only reason you want to kiss her is because she's hot? How do you communicate that when you're going up to receive the award? Do you go for the cheek? Is there some sort of Hollywood Hand Signal that we don't know about? And just imagine how dumb you'd look if you go in for the kiss but get the hug back.

Oh yeah, the Best Song of the Year, which I forgot to mention, was totally not that dumb song from "RoTK." It's the song Jack Black sings at the end of "School of Rock." That song does indeed rock.