Doh.

According to the Enquirer or Globe or one of those magazines, Sept. 11th seemed to have scared my favorite First Twins straight and both of them have given up boozing. Damn that Osama. No more stories about my girlfriend Jenna boozing it up in Hollywood and dirty dancing with her fellow interns with Brad Pitt or Barbara doing beer-bongs in Cabo San Lucas with the University of Miami football team. Sigh.

So, with them out of the gossip loop, they seem to be focusing all their attention on poor Chelsea, who having just turned 21 is apparently living it up at Oxford, guzzling vodka till all hours. Which is what, I guess, the Clinton's are really good at. When all else fails, just gossip about them. Poor Chelsea too. Of course she's boozing it up. Who wouldn't blame her if she was found whacked out on Mescaline and tequilla, puking her guts out in a dance club on Ios? Both Bill and Hillary are going to have to earn lots of money just to pay for all the therapy that the poor girl is going to have go through.

It's only a few more working days left in the year and everyone at BofA is running around frantically, trying to do as much as they can get as much into the books as they can. Which makes me want to work even more slowly than I already am. I dream of somehow throwing the whole machine out of whack. Of being the cog that undoes the corporate wheel.

I think I can do it. I handle thousands of dollars a day and put it into the bank's coffers. Just a zero here or a zero there, a click of the enter button here or the failure to do it there, and viola. And the year will come to a close and the accounts won't make any sense and the bank won't know what's up and everything gets all screwed up. In the confusion, the bank can't issue statements about profits or losses and the stock takes a dive as investors get nervous. Executives panic and the Corporate PR department spins into overtime. The bank starts to fall apart and anarchy ensues.

And I will be discovered as the culprit. I will be found out and the charges are made. I tell the press that I did it for all the people BofA laid off over the years, despite record profits. And for all the customers of the bank who constantly get reamed over mysterious ATM charges. And I also did it for all the dot-com workers who slaved away at 80 hour a week jobs only to see them lose it all because their bosses blew it all on foozball tables, launch parties and the hiring of their frat brothers as Corporate Vice-President's. And for all the people who got screwed by Enron, the poor people who lost their retirement accounts as the executives scammed their way into million dollar bonuses.

I will become a folk-hero. A Robin-Hood for the recession, an icon for these dark financial times. Pundits will debate me, essays will be written about me,
blow-hard talk-show hosts will harangue me and blame it all on me being from San Francisco. I will be featured on "Nightline" and during a debate with George Will, I will tell him what he can do with his bow-tie. John Ashcroft will denounce me as a domestic terrorist and in response, I issue a press-release with just two words on it: "bite me." On TRL Live, I will tell thousands of screaming girls that while I may be only a mere temp, at least I didn't lose an election to a dead person. The tabloids will be full of stories about how Pamela Anderson cheated on Kid Rock with me or how Julia Roberts is now in love with me. All of which won't be true as they'll completely miss my torrid affair with Natalie Portman. People Magazine will declare me as one of the "25 Most Intriguing People of the Year" and Barbara Walters will pay me thousands of dollars to interview me.

I will be arrested and thrown into minimum security prison where I'll work on my golf game, watch cable tv all day, and know I'll pretty much not have to worry about getting a job for awhile. Rappers will give me their props, rock stars will hold benefits for me, and activists will protest in my name. I will make millions on a book deal and then parlay that millions into millions more from all the stock tips I will have garnered while at prison. And a movie will be made about me starring Jason Biggs and Sarah Michelle Gellar will play my girl-friend. When I get out, I will be rich, famous, and a national hero.

I am really bored at work and I hate my job.

Got nothing to say tonight other than this- I miss Beavis & Butthead.

I saw part of the new Osama Bin Laden clip and and see that he's now referring to himself in third-person. Who does he think he is now, a star athelete?

We're back….

Happy holidays everyone. As a Jew sitting around this time of year, watching all the Christmas festivities and goings on, all I can say is I don't know how you goyim can take it. All that stress, all that money being spent, all that shopping. I had to go to the mall to pick up a few things for moi and got stressed out in just the five or ten minutes I was there. And y' all actually look forward to this holiday?

And I'd like to say happy Kwanza to everyone. I guess it's day four or day five of it. Which just raises the question- just what the fuck is Kwanza and why should anyone care? The way I hear it, way back in the '60's some black intellectual activist types looked out at the state of the African-American community, saw the struggles of the Civil Rights movement- the poverty, the crime, the economic injustices, the rioting- and decided that the thing their fellow African-Americans really needed the most was a holiday. So they made up some holiday that's supposed to help fix all that, with the added brilliance of placing during the time of year when just about every other religion has some sort of holiday (way to make sure you don't get overlooked). And now, because we're all so multi-cultural and PC, you're starting to hear more and more about the holiday because people are so afraid of offending the sensibilities of the five or six people who actually care about Kwanza.

Oh wait...sorry... being too snarky for the holidays. Should be more in the holiday spirit……


Okay, in that vein, I'd like to present the First Annual Hooray For Anything Guide to the Big Hollywood Movies. As we all know, this time of year always sees the release of several major, big budget Hollywood movies. Everyone goes to the movies this time of year mainly because after two or three days with the family, everyone's run out of things to do and say and starting to realize what they hate about other members of the family, so everyone just goes to the movies to avoid talking to each other. And because it's been deemed that the Members of the Academy have short-term memory problems (too much LDS in the '60's, I guess), Hollywood always sees fit to release their big, serious, "we're sorry for all the crap we threw at you during the summer" movies. In other words, it's Oscar-bait time, that time of year when half of the movies are released in which it seems like the entire purpose of the movie is for someone to get an Oscar. You know, the kind of movie in which half of the cast is rehearsing their acceptance speech during the filming, the kind in which everyone describes as "uplifting" and the kind where somewhere during the movies' preview the narrator always says something like this movie "will make you believe in miracles" or "make you fall in love all over again" or some crap like that. In other words, totally manipulative, overly sentimal cheese that should be avoided at all costs.

With that in mind, we here at Hooray For Anything would like to help you through the mine-field of Xmas flicks and help you decide what to see.

Here we go-

Lord of the Rings- Duh. Like I even have to tell you to see it
(by the way, I've seen it- it flat out rocks. Furiously reading through the book so I can go see it again. And again).

The Majestic- Let's see, the director did such drivel as "The Shawshank Redemption" (which I've heard is actually pretty good and which I always tell myself to watch whenever TNT shows it like every weekend) and "The Green Mile," in every shot of Jim Carey during the previews he's all dewy eyed and sad looking, like he's gonna break down in tears at any second, the stories about it says that it's trying to be like a Capra flick and I'm pretty sure the preview for it had the narrator say something like "a story that will fill your heart." In other words, AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Christ, Carey's trying so hard for the Oscar, like he's doing all he can to make up for the fact that his first major hit featured him talking out of his ass. He seems to have aquired Robin Williams' agent. On a sidenote, I've heard interviews with Carey lately and he's been talking about trips to Tibet and discovering his spiritual self and how he wants to uplift the world through his movies or something like that. God help us all. Beware the comic actor suddenly wanting to get taken serious- it's ugly.

Ali- Yeah, big movie bios are usually catnip for the Members of the Academy and this should be no exception. And as much as the thought of Will Smith getting a nomination could be a sign of the Apocalypse, I hear he's pretty good. But Ali's a pretty amazing guy and it's a pretty amazing story so I'm down with it. And Michael Mann's a pretty good director, the kind not to get weighed down in sap so it shouldn't get too bad. Plus, it's a boxing movie and boxing movies are always much more fun than actual boxing matches. No endless moves around each other, no hugging for stall tactics, no ear biting. In the movies, it's just all punches, all the time (think about it, if there was an actual boxing match like the one's in the "Rocky" movies, do you think the boxers would still be alive afterwards?). And it's all done to great camera work and incredible music.

The Shipping News- Don't know much about it, but I think the book is an Oprah book. Or if it isn't, probably should have been cause it sounds like her kind of thing. In other words, nyet.

Vanilla Sky- Tom Cruise trying to be arty. Just ain't buying it.

Ocean's 11- The original wasn't really that good despite it's cast, but still fun just to watch Frank in all his Chairmen of the Board glory. This one also has a pretty good cast and a director whose at the top of his game. Could be fun.
(also saw this one. It's actually kind of better movie than the first, although nothing's as much fun as watching Frank swagger around. And they totally whimped out and went for a sappy ending).

A Beautiful Mind- Let's see. Ron Howard's never been nominated for an award, despite the fact he's done some pretty big (and not half bad movies) and this movie deals with someone being mentally/physically challenged. I think it's Academy rules that if a movie is about someone mentally or physically challenged and it's not half bad, it will get an automatic Oscar nomination. In other words, total Oscar-bait. This despite the fact the only really decent movie about the mentally/physically challenged was "There's Something About Mary." Plus, Jennifer Connelly's in it, but she doesn't get naked. So that's a thumb's down

Not Another Teen Movie- You know how in TV they always talk about counter-programming? Like how the other networks decide to run shows aimed at women opposite Monday Night Football? This is kind of like that, then- a dumb (probably really dumb) movie with absolutely no socially redeeming qualities in a season full of movies that reek of Socially Redeeming. So, even though the commercials probably show the only funny jokes and I thought "Scary Movie" was depressingly unfunny, I'm game. Plus, it's the only non-foreign movie I've seen in which the preview showed naked breasts, so you've got that going for you. Which is nice.

The Royal Tannenbaums- Okay, so I didn't think "Rushmore" was all that and I do not fall prostrate at site of Gwyneth, but this movie looks kind of funny and I've also heard some good things about it. Plus, it's got Ben Stiller, Bill Murray, and Owen Wilson in it- three actors who, to paraphrase that famous quote about Aretha Franklin, could recite the phone book and make it funny. Please, Ben, don't suddenly decide you really want to be taken seriously as an actor and try to win an Oscar.
(Seen this one too- it's pretty good. I even liked Gwyneth in it and the movie has an incredible soundtrack, including the best use of a Ramones song in a movie since "Rock n' Roll High School").

So, there you have it. Good viewing and remember to thank me for not wasting the ten bucks or so it costs to see a movie now.

A couple of weeks ago, I actually got a response to resume that I sent out concerning a job. Considering how rare that it is, I was stunned and excited. The person who responded said my resume looked great and that they'd be giving me a call to set up an interview. The call never came. Day after day went by and I'd constantly check my messages at least three times a day, hoping that call would come. I even sent an e-mail to follow up on, saying I hadn't heard back from them and was still really interested in the job.

Today, several weeks after the initial e-mail, I finally got an e-mail back from them saying that they found somebody else who would be perfect for the job and were hiring them. But what about me? I could have been even more perfect that that person was. How would they know? They never called me to set up an interview.

So, if they didn't call me for an interview, why did they go through all the trouble of telling me my resume looked great and that they'd call me? Why didn't they call me? Was it something I said? Was my grammar bad in my e-mail back to them? What did I do wrong? And yes, I am taking it a little too personally.

When something like this happens, it's like when you meet some woman at a bar or club or a party, she gives you her business card without asking when you take leave of each other, but then blows you off when you ask them out.

God, I hate looking for a job.

Went to take do some banking at my bank, that being, yes, Bank of America. Went to the ATM machines right by the office where I'm now working so we're talking state of the art ATMs. As I'm putting money in and taking money out, I notice that the that prompts you as to what buttons to push is flashing the information that the screen will soon have both audio and video capabilities. And I'm thinking, so?

Why the fuck do we need video and audio capabilities at an ATM machine. All most people want to do is take money out, put money in, or see how much money they have. I'm pretty sure they could care less about seeing something or hearing something as they are doing it. I'm guessing too that if you asked BofA customers what would be high on their list of things they want out of the bank, watching video while taking money out would not be high on their list. In fact, I'm guessing that it's probably way, way below things like not having to wait in a line for fifteen minutes at a bank because they only have two tellers working. Or not having to wait fifteen minutes on the phone when you try calling them. Or not getting gouged by mysterious ATM charges everytime you take money out.

And what exactly are they going to show? I'm guessing that they're not going to be showing you "Seinfeld" clips, highlights from "Sports Center" or the latest Creed video. No, I'm guessing they're going to bombard you with commercials. Commercials for the bank and for anyone else who pays BofA money. So, now, when you take money out of your bank, you are now in a position where once again, you are gonna get bombarded by ads. Thanks a fucking lot.

And all I want to do is to take out a $20 so I can buy coffee because the company is too fucking cheap to provide free coffee for it's employees. The people who run that bank are such a bunch of wankers.

Why doesn't this stupid thing work?

Grrr Aarrgggh....

My temp job sucks. Like sucks in a black-hole kind of way, the kind of suckage that swallows up everything around it and sucks it all into the black-hole of it's suckiness. No phone, no web access, no nothing. Not even free coffee or free asprin. It takes me all the strength I can muster not just to walk out, quit and go home. Temps can do that.

I'm miserable there because I have to get up at 6 to start work at 7:30. I'm miserable because I can't go online and check my e-mail or take a short break to read the NY Times. I'm miserable because it's dreary, brainless, mind-numbing data entry and it's all I can do all day. And then today, to make it all that much worse, I found out that I have to take breaks only at specified times and I have to take my half-an-hour lunch at a certain time. And today, when I came back late from work (of course, I'm gonna buckle against the rules), I found my supervisor hovering over my work, waiting for me to come back to give me the fifth degree about being late.

I want to quit. I can't take it. I can't take the drudgery of the work, I can't take the early hours, and I can't take being told when I can take a break and being watched over when I take those breaks. Which is why I'm miserable

But I think about it. There are lots of people out there who have it worse. They have to get up earlier, they have worse jobs while making lower pay. They don't mind having specified break times or lunch times. Some of them even have time cards that they're supposed to punch in and punch out during their breaks. When I was younger and did temp work, I didn't complain that much about specified break times.

And I need the money cause I'm running out. You realize at a certain point that sometimes you have to suck it up to pay the bills. All those people doing the jobs I could never do, like factory work or being a janitor understand that. Even the guys who jerk off turkeys because the turkey's are too fat to know that. They seem to be able to do it and don't complain that much. In some ways I should be very lucky to get even what I'm getting at this time of year. Hell, it could be worse. I could be doing retail. I could be a waiter. I could be the guy jerking off turkey's. I've even had temp jobs that were worse. Yet, I hate what I'm doing.

Does this make me a wuss? An over-educated, overly pampered, upper-middle class white boy with no work ethic with a snotty attitude that I'm above doing all this? Am I slacker write large- pissed off at the lameness of my job, beholden to the chip on my shoulder caused by the universe's inability of the world to reward me for my unrecognized brilliance? Should I just shut-up and be grateful that I won't have to worry about paying the rent this month?

Or does my job just suck?

I'm back. I'm sure the zero people who are reading this were probably wondering what happened. Too drawn into the general suckiness of my job to post anything so to make up for it, here's a few quick takes on things….

1)The American Taliban- I am so loving this story. Too much to say, too many comments to make. Just remember, folks, there are worse things for your kids to do than drugs. To think, the guy could of done what most mis-directed upper-middle class kids do- massive bong hits, blue unicorn acid, finding the meaning of life in a Pink Floyd song- but no, he had to put himself in some situation where he wound up in some god-forsaken cave in a god-forsaken. Guess kids today don't have much to do now that Jerry's dead.

2)And too all those right-wing blowhards out there railing about the kids parents and turning it into an excuse to make fun of Marin and Californians- fuck off. When Timothy McVeigh blew up the Murrah building, did any of them criticize poor white-trash and their dumb-ass redneck parents? Sometimes people are just misguided and dumb, no matter who or what the parents do.

3)So, affter previously railing about how any band that does the half-time show at a football game instantly looses all their credibility due to the inevitable lameness of it all, I find out that my beloved U2, a band whose posters filled almost every spot in my bedroom, is playing the halftime show at the Superbowl. I guess I have to take it all back now. I know they're not American, but have they ever seen a halftime show at a football game? Think I'll just be my usual overly drunk self so I won't realize what's going on. The horror, the horror.

4)For some reason, I find myself more and more listening to Howard Stern in the mornings (see above mention of crappy, soul-sucking job) and he had a pretty good point about something. He was talking about the photos in Vanity Fair of Tom Cruise. Howard's point, which I thought was pretty damn funny, was that if you just sued every damn tabloid in the world for spreading rumors about your sexuality, you shouldn't be posing bare-chested and hairless in a magazine spread. Tom doesn't just look like he's doing male porn, but male kiddy porn.

5) Don't have e-mail access at work, so I have to wait until I get home to check my e-mail. For some reason, I thought that this would be a big deal and that I'd be missing a lot by being out of the e-mail loop. Turns out all I'm missing is spam. I'd say at least 25% percent of my e-mail is spam mail. And that doesn't even include the shit that goes directly to the Bulk Mail folder that Hotmail so convienantly to their service after they sold all of their customers addresses (thanks Bill). Didn't I mention that there's a very special place in hell for spam mailers? I'm pretty sure they get skinned alive, doused with flammable gas, then burned alive while being forced to listen to every Celine Dion CD ever made. Maybe get attacked by some ravenous ferrets at the same time too. How much did you get for your soul?

6)Speaking of which, got this lovely spam mail the other day "incest porn." Is there anybody who is actually into that? Have they run out of bestiality porn to show? And how do you know that they're really family members? And are they hot?

7)Found this event in the Bay Guardian and I'm so excited I can't believe it. This Saturday (Saturday, Dec. 8) "the People's Resistance Against U.S. Terrorism, Black August Organizing Committee, Justice for Palestinians, the Barrio Defense Committee, and others are having a community speak-out on the war on terrorism, featuring Mumia Abu-Jamal's new attorney Eliot Grossman and others. " Have they missed anybody? What about the People's Front of Judea, will they be there? Get a life people.

8)Flipping through the channels's during and VH-1 was showing some Shania Twain special. Wouldn't you know it, but she was dueting with Elton John. Is there anybody else Elton hasn't done a duet with? If I call him up, will he sing a duet with me? (Uh, I mean singing, not anything else -not that there's anything wrong with it). I'm trying to think of what would be the funniest duet I could picture Elton doing a duet with, but after he sang with Eminmen, I can't come up with much of anything. Except for maybe Ozzy. Yeah, Ozzy. Now that would be something.

7) Apropos of nothing, I really can't stand that band Godsmack. I think it's because my favorite station, KSJO seems to know exactly the moment that I turn them on and decide to play one of their songs. Don't know which one's because they all sound the fucking same.

8)I think tonight there's a big election in the City. During the last, extremely boring and apathetic inducing election, the candidates for City Attorney came in pretty close in the votes so they're having a run-off. Now, I understand the reasoning behind run-offs, but maybe they should make a rule that there should only be run-offs for positions that people care about. Not that the City Attorney position isn't important or anything. I mean, there in charge of, umm, well, umm, I don't know exactly, but it's important. So important that more money has to be wasted in a run-off in this election, between two people nobody really cares about in a position nobody knows anything about. Whatever.

Was gonna post something about how the Temp job is beyond sucking into a whole new dimension of suckdom, but I just scored some free tix to see "Lord of the Rings" on opening night.


I got tickets, I got tickets!
I got tickets, I got tickets!
I got tickets, I got tickets!
I got tickets, I got tickets!

Sorry, but I had to :)

On the other hand, I saw that according to People Magazine, Jen and Brad are very happilly married. Who am I to feel sorry for myself when I know that Jen and Brad are so happy and in love? I feel much better now.

And it looks like after the crap-fest that was Real World X, someone's getting kicked out of Real World XI. Thank God.

I signed up with a Temp Agency yesterday. I've been unemployed now for almost four months and I'm running out of money. Spent four hours being tested on grammar, spelling, typing, data entry, math, word problems. You name it. Today they called and gave me a three month gig doing data entry at Bank of America for $12 an hour. They needed a decision real fast and since I'm not good making quick decisions, I decided to take it. Tomorrow, I'm getting up at 6 o'clock in the morning to go to work for the first time in four months. I can't wait.

While I was leaving, I wound up talking to the Receptionist at the Agency. She's a Temp too. She was telling me about how she just got out of school and signed up with about five temp agencies and barely making it. She had kind of an sad tone of voice as she talked about it, like she didn't realize it would be this hard and this wasn't what she expected. I just kind of laughed and told her that that's what I did when I got out of school and that it's kind of typical of things her age. Poor thing. They don't tell you things will be like that when you graduate from college. Especially the kids today, fresh out of collegeas they are, having just gone through the boom like we did.

Me? Been here before. Things really have come full-circle. A Bush is President, we're at war in the Middle East, a recession is going on and I'm doing data entry for temp work. Only this time I'm 33.

Sigh. Deja Vu all over again

A long time ago, I had figured out what I thought was a pretty decent peace plan for the Middle East. The way I figured it, your average Israeli and average Palestinian doesn't really care about anything other than making peace and being left alone. They might not like each other or want to have anything much to deal with each other, but, basically, the average Israeli and Palestinian just wanted to live in peace and, well, feel free to live.

Unfortunately, on the fringes of each society are the extremists. These are the Palestinians who want to push the Israeli's back to the sea and think that blowing yourself up on a bus and killing tens of people is a sure fire way of getting into heaven. On the other side are the Jews who think that just because the Jews had a piece of land over 2,000 years ago and supposedly some higher being promised it to them several thousands years before that gave them a right to do whatever they please.

What both sides really wanted to do, or at least what they're extremism led them to want to do, is to basically kill each other. The extremist Palestinians just wanted to kill Jews in Mohammed's name and the Jews wanted to kill the Palestinians in G-d's name. Because this is what God (the same God, by the way) wants. And there's nothing God loves more, I'm sure, than people killing other people in His name.

So, my proposal was to take an arid stretch in the desert, some place pretty far away from most of civilization fence it off, and let them at it- give each side all the guns and explosives they wanted and let them do what they really want to do. This way, the extremists would all kill each other and wouldn't be around to mess things up for all the others. Everyone's happy. The extremists get martyrdom and all the normal, average people are left alone to do what they want without the extremists messing them up. The two sides then would get together, and with nobody bothering them about any sort of mucky muck about biblical edicts, Talmudic interpretations, or quotes from the Qu'ran, and, viola- peace. And they'd all live happily ever after.

Now, I'm not even sure that'll work. Sigh.

Went to a bar to go meet up with friends and, besides the fact that they weren't there, the doormen at the bar wouldn't let me in. Didn't meet the dress-code standards and all that.

You know what, I don't want to go to those bars. They discriminate against sneaker wearers. They're anti-sneakerites and I'm not down with discrimination. Just because some of us actually prefer to wear sneakers over dress shoes because we're more comfortable in them is no reason to discriminate against us.

Besides, who wants to go to those kinds of bars? They're all full of people who are not only dressed up, but people who actually like to dress up. And they either have the money too or pretend they have the money too. And who wants to hang out with these people anyways.

Nope, give me my grungy dive bar anyday. Give me the type of wear that allows you to wear sneakers. And not only that, will allow you to walk in in shorts, t-shirt, baseball cap and flip-flops. Give me a place where people were black because black is cool and not because black is today's brown. So I say, fuck 'em.

I hate when you know a famous celebrity is sick, especially one you really like and wish only the best for, and then one morning you turn on the tv, see an interview with them on a channel they have no business being on. Then the only thing you can think of is, damnit:

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently wheeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently wheeps
I don't know why nobody told you how to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you they bought and sold you
I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently wheeps
With ev'ry mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently wheeps
I don't know how you were diverted you were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted no one altered you

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently wheeps
I look at you all
Still my guitar gently wheeps...

George Harrison
1943-2001

I'm having one of those bad computer days where almost every Web site I go to is either not downloading, won't completely download because of memory issues, can't log on, or (like what happened even to blogger.com) can't find posts and can't figure out an easy way to search through the junk. Then there's Hotmail which has just been a huge pain in the ass since the redesign awhile ago and which you have to wait at least ten seconds before you do anything because all of this fancy, shmancy Java stuff that's going off all over the place (and I won't even talk about the fact that it now takes you two clicks to get to your e-mail instead of one).

I've said this before and I'll say it again, every big time, hot shot Web Design for a major site should be forced to download their pages on a dial-up before they complete their design. Jesus H. Christ, downloading Web pages shouldn't make you want to throw your computer out the window.

Still don't feel better about getting that off my chest.

Completely missed it when the issue came out (for some reason), but Miss November in Playboy turns out to be the first Jewish centerfold. Not only that, she's from kind of where I grew up. As your typical, red-blooded Jewish male, I can't understate the amusement I find in all of this.

There's the jokes, of course. Like "what would your mother think" or "oy, what would Nana Fannie say?" Then there's the lucky Jewish guy who gets to date her telling his mom that while the good news is that his girlfriend is a nice Jewish girl, the bad news is that she's a Playboy Playmate. I'm not quite sure what the reaction would be as it's kind of the ultimate Jewish connumdrum.

All I can say too is that her temple's social events are probably that much more popular now. Not to mention the Yeshiva at the college she goes too. Any Singles Jewish mixer would probably be over-run with guys trying to test their luck. After all, she's hot, she's Jewish and wants to raise her kids Jewish. If she was blonde (she's brunette), dating her would be like the Jewish Dating Trifecta.

Went to get a haircut today to the place I always go to. Even though I've moved out my oldhood (the Haight) for my new hood, I don't know where to go in the Mission, so I still go back to Nice Cuts on the Haight. It's cheap and the haircut's always pretty good.

One of the things that I don't like about the place, though, is that most of the women who work there are Asian and don't speak English all that well. Which isn't much of a problem (although it always makes me kind of nervous when they cut my hair), but this time, I got some crazy woman who couldn't stop yammering away. Not only was she constantly babbling, but I couldn't understand a word of it. It wasn't just because of her bad english, but also because she kind of mumbled everything and I had the razor constantly buzzing in my ear. So I just sat there, nodded my head, laughed when I thought I should and said yes to whenever I thought she asked a question. What really scared me, though, was at one point she stopped when she stopped what shewas doing, went over to the front desk, and handed me a card for manicures/pedicures and facials.

I have no idea what the hell I said to deserve the card and didn't quite know how to get out of taking the card. All I could think about was when Jerry agreed to wear the Puffy Shirt on the Today Show because he couldn't understand the Low Talker.

I also had a flashback back to Thailand when I went to a few of those clubs (which is what you do when you go to Thailand). As I'm sitting there with my friend, all these half-naked Thai strippers/prostitutes would plunk themselves down next to me, start giving me a massage and try and start a conversation. I was kind of scared while talking to them because it was always really loud in the club, the Thai stripper's didn't speak great English and I was afraid that if I answered "yes" to what I thought was the question "how are you liking Thailand?" the next thing I'd know, I'd be taken into some room, stripped down to my skivvies and have my ass shaved.

No thank you.

Oh, and on the way home, some punk-ass kid had the MUNI window on a cold, wintery day so he could spit out some Sunflower seeds. Whenever I see something like that, I think of the scene in "Star Trek IV" where Spock does the Vulcan nerve pinch on the punk to get him to turn off his stereo. And then that radio station "The Bone" actually played Saga's "Tonight I'm on the Loose." Is that a good thing?

Sorry, double post.

Nothing to see here.

My writing group and I are having a long, e-mail discussion about the nature of selling out, commercialism and art. All that fun stuff. At one point, I said that it's all a fine line and that I'd know what's selling out or going totally cheesy when I see it, but that there's no hard and fast rules governing it.

For example, there is Creed. Creed is a band, one of the biggest one's in the world right now. I am neutral about them as part of me thinks I should have them, part of me gives them credit for having the balls to be what they are, and part of me finds it annoying that I can't get their new song out of my head. Creed has pretty obviously made it apparent that they want to be the biggest band in the world and are trying really hard to do so.

During the Cowboys/Broncos Thanksgiving Day football game, Creed did the half-time show. Now, it is impossible to retain any sort of dignity or maintain any hints of "cred" if you are doing a football half-time show involving lip-synching your biggest hits, hundreds of choerographed dancers dancing to them, men in skimpy outfits flying around on strings, and fireworks galore. Just forget it. Ain't happenin. Forget it Scott Stapp. There is nothing rock n' roll about football halftime shows. Whatever that little line is, they just crossed over it by a mile

And speaking of Creed, I saw Scott interviewed on MTV (am I a little weird for being 33 and still watching MTV?) and he was comparing their lack of critical respect to Led Zeppelin and how Zeppelin never got any respect until their fourth album. The whole time I'm watching the interview, I'm going "uh-oh, bad move, there buddy." My feelings were confirmed by the cut-back to the MTV Veejay, or newsguy or whoever it is who appears on screen, who had a look of utter disbelief on his face. Now, these are people who are paid to pretend that the latest O-Town release is a big deal and major cultural event, but even he couldn't take it.

In other words, goodbye Creed.

More mindless musings after flipping through the channels tonight:

1)The Bravo Channel had a special profile of Jon Bon Jovi. Isn't the Bravo Channel supposed to be all cultural and arty? I realize Jon is in the midst of a bit of a career comeback and that '80's hairbands are kind of in right now (but of course, in an ironic sort of way), but when did "You Give Love a Bad Name" become considered arty?

2)Speaking of which, I saw a video for the Scorpions doing a concert performance of "Rock You Like a Hurricane" with a full symphony orchestry. Nothing adds to the drama and intensity of lyrics like "The wolf is hungry\He runs to the show\He's licking his lips\He's ready to win\On the hunt tonight\For love at first sting" like a full orchestra. Poor musicians.

3)And I also saw that it's Pledge Week at KQED, the local PBS station. Don't we all love Pledge Week? Riddle me this, Batman- why, if they run shows that'll bring in a bigger audience for Pledge Week, don't they just run those shows regularly instead of the stuff that I guess nobody watches? And for some reason, KQED always shows a lot of self-help lectures. Like Tony Robbins kind of stuff except a bit more New Agey. What is KQED saying by running these shows, that their main audience needs help? And a lot of them are about investing, making more money and becoming successful. Who do they think watched KQED, a bunch of poor Latino's out in the Mission District? No, they're all a bunch of SUV driving Marin Yupsters who already make tons of money. Hate KQED.

So late last night, I was flipping through the channels and managed to catch a new MTV special, "Behind the Scenes of TRL" or "TRL Uncensored" or something like that. Most of it was basically an interview with the Dreamy One himself, Carson Daly and footage relevant to what Carson was saying. The part that I caught was involving some of the more difficult moments that Carson's had to deal with on TRL. The first bit I saw (and I came into the middle of this, so I might of missed a bit) was Carson relating the news of the tragic death of Joe C., Kid Rock's midget mascot.

Next up was Carson discussing his most difficult assignment, ever, interviewing Tara Reid. Tara is, of course, the blonde one (not the cool one, but the kind of bitchy one) in the "American Pie" movies who he was engaged to before she dumped him. Carson was going on to say how much fun it was to interview her for that cinematic masterpiece that was "Josie and the Pussycats" which was back when they were dating and making all the gossip columns for drunken behavior. Six months later, after she dumped him, she was back on the show being interviewed, along with the rest of the cast, for "American Pie II." Carson was discussing what a difficult thing it was for him to do and admittedly but then addmitted that no matter how difficult it was, he felt like it was his job not to show anything and that he had to do it because of the importance of TRL Yep, that Carson, kind of right up there with Dan, Tom and Peter, on air for hours Sept. 11th. What a trooper.

On the other hand, Tom, Peter and Dan never broke up with a blonde hollywood starlet and then have to interview them. Then again, she is kind of a skanky bimbo ho who looked much better before she went on the Calista Flockhart diet.

Yeah, it's the day after Thanksgiving, the day after Thanksgiving! Shop all you goyim, shop!

So, I was watching tv today and realized, through no fault of my own, that somehow, incredibly, I have never seen a Julia Roberts movie. Not one. Does this make me weird or something?

I'm back....

Today's Thanksgiving and I just checked my e-mail. No personal e-mails, which isn't a suprise, but I did get about twenty spam mails. On this day of giving thanks, I'd just like to give my thanks to people who see nothing wrong with spamming me messages about porn, viagra, and college diplomas on a National Holiday. There is a special place in hell for people behind things like this. Them and telemarketers and the people responsible for junk mial. And bicycle thieves. God, I hate bicycle thieves.

I'd also like to say that I spent this Thanksgiving at home, in San Francisco. For some reason, I thought it would be easy to to get a last minute air flight home, what with all these stories out about the airline industry being in trouble and nobody wanting to fly. But, alas, I saw that one-way tickets to Baltimore were going for over $700 bucks. Huh?
Didn't they just go whining to congress about how much money they were losing? Aren't they losing billions of dollars almost monthly? Weren't they spending the past couple of years trying to counter bad PR from unhappy customers? You'd think they'd of learned something from it, like they were losing money for pulling crap like that, but I guess not. Congress should of told them to take a flying leap, but then they'd never get anymore money from the airline industry. So nevermind

An oldie but goodie-

I wonder where they put Dick Cheney when he goes "under seclusion" during terrorist threats. I'm guessing they got him in some secure bunker somewhere, surrounded by guards deep underneath the Virginia countryside. But maybe they've gotten clever and put him someplace nobody would expect him to be. Like a Motel 6 in Fargo North Dakota. Or think about it for a second. Where would the last place you'd expect him to be? Yep, Berkely California. I'm thinking everytime they go into hide Cheney mode, they house him up in some fake, government sponsored co-op in Berkeley. Nobody would ever find him there.

Had an MRI done on my achey lower back yesterday. Went to the wrong hospital to start the day, but that's another story. When I got there, the guy who was in charge of the operation reminded me exactly like the Comic Book Store Guy in "the Simpsons," complete with goatee and beer belly. I half expected him to take a look at the MRI of my back and proclaim "Worst. Back. Ever."

When I was finished filling out the forms, I was taken to kind of a trailer in the parking lot by the hospital. To get into the trailer, they had to use an electric riser to get me up to the level of the door (your HMO money at work). The lady who runs it then takes me into the room and makes me lie down. From there, they put me into this long tube where they're supposed to zap me with whatever they use to zap people with during MRI's.

I'm not usually claustrophibic, but something about being shoved into a tiny, narrow tube kind of did it for me. They told me the whole thing was gonna last for about half an hour and I wished I could of brought a book or something. Since that wouldn't of worked due to the close confines of the tube, maybe they should install some sort of tv screen to the top of the tube so you could at least watch something.

The MRI, from my vantage point, is basically a long series of loud noises that gets blasted right into your ears. I have no idea exactly what the hell the point of the loud noises are and what the hell they have to do with looking at my back, but the noises are pretty loud. I kind of think it doesn't do anything, but it's just the ladies who run it way of having fun. You know, let's give him four minutes of the noise that sounds like a duck squawking and then follow that up with the jackhammer sound. Actually, most of it kind of sounds like those fake, plastic laser guns I used to play with as kids and could see them sitting there, playing video games all the while I was lying there. As the MRI wore on and as I got blasted by more and more sounds, I started to think about the scene in Monty Python's "Meaning of Life," the one in the hospital with the machine that goes bing. This machine doesn't just go bing, it goes whirrr and grrr and ack-ack-ack, all at top volume. Because of all the noises, you just know the machines are pretty darn expensive.

Flipping through the channels a bit tonight and kept on stumbling upon the Michael Jackson special. God, the ego of that man (or whatever he is). Takes a lot of balls to through yourself a tribute to yourself, I must say. I don't even have the balls to throw a party for myself on my birthday and he's throwing a tribute to himself at Madison Square Garden and bringing out Liza Minelli to sing one of his songs. Liza Minelli, woo-hoo!

Hopped on MUNI tonight and ran into my least favorite type of MUNI rider- the Non-Mover. This is the person who despite all the available space around them, doesn't move at all. So, they just stand there, with plenty of room around them, but cause all the people behind them to be smooshed into each other. This particular guy had at least five feet between him and the next closest person. The Non Mover usually causes one of two types of actions. One possible action is to somehow scrunch past them, which can sometimes only be done with the skills and flexibility of 15 year old Romanian gymnasts and can sometimes cause a snippy reaction from said Non-Mover. The other reaction is the creation of some sort of MUNI dam. How many times have you been on a bus or seen one of the underground trains where the middle or end section is completely open and the people in that section not only have room to breathe, but could probably do a Warrior III pose if possible, while everyone not in that section is busy inhaling each other's hair?

I think my second least favorite person is the Late Riser. This is the person who realizes at the last moment that this stop is there's and then panics to get out in enough time. This means that in order to do it, they pretty much bang into everyone on their way out and shove everyone aside. Pay attention people! Then there's the people who sit on the aisle side of the seat with an open window seat by them, yet don't move towards the window seat to allow people to have the seat. Unfortunately, most of the people who do something like that are just punk-ass kids and nobody wants to mess around with punk ass kids so nobody calls them on it.

And I'm not even going into the whole old Chinese Lady thing. Let's just say some of them are viscious

Okay, where were we.....

There's a guy I see in the 'hood (the Mission District to be precise) who is always wearing a kippot. While that isn't that strange, he is also wearing payos (the curls that come down from the temples that Orthodox Jews wear). He however, doesn't wear the traditional Orthodox Black or anything else that normally comes with the Orthodox, just the kippot and the payos. I even saw him at the local coffee shop with a Power Puff Girl notebook.

Somehow, it works for him. Whether it's the context of where he's wearing it, or just the fact that he looks like the normal Mission rat except for the Jew stuff, he somehow pulls it off. He has managed to make the religious look hip. It's his thing. Some people in the Mission wear leather jackets (well, a lot do) and get tattoos. Some pearce God (or should I say G-D) knows what and grow dreads or dye their hair and protest everything under the sun. Not this guy- he wears the kippot and the payos.

Betcha it even helps him get laid

Wow, it's a little over a year after last year's elections. Remember the good ole days when we were obsessed with things like hanging chads and butterfly ballots? Those were the days...

I wonder what Al Gore, late at night, thinks. Does he lay awake at night, dreaming of battles he'd of lead, speeches he'd of given, decisions he would of made, Presidential stuff he'd President or does he lie awake at night, give Tipper a hug and thank the good Lord that he lost?

And Joss Whedon is a frickin' genius.

In today's dark, scary world, with the holiday season bearing down upon us and unemployment angst filling my days and nights, I find myself only obsessed with one thing- the big musical Buffy extravaganza that's on tonight. I don't even know why I'm so psyched for a musical episode, but the reviews have been excellent and anyone who knows knows that when Buffy is good, it's damn good. I get mocked for watching it, feel slightly embarassed for being 33 and obsessed with it, and don't know that many other people who watch it, but "Buffy" kicks "West Wing," "The Practice" and all those other generic tv shows butts. It's not even close too. But enough about Buffy....

Here's today random musing- recently I read a story in the New York Times discussing how the bombing of Afghanistan is turning opinion against us. In the story, they quote various people from around the world, some in the Middle East who have their reasons for not supporting it, and one guy from Switzerland. And I'm thinking Switzerland? We're getting criticized by someone from Switzerland? Shouldn't they be banned from expressing they're opinion on anything? That's even lamer than someone from France criticizing us. At least France pretended to put up a fight, Switzerland's done nothing.

I've always wondered what a Swiss history class was like. I'm sure it's a quarter long class and the text book is around 100 pages. Kind of like that old joke about Greatest Jewish Heroes or Great British Cooks. What can the book say? Well, Napoleon came and tried to take over all of Europe and parts of the world and we did nothing. Then WWI came and millions of people died ghastly deaths over six miles of land in Belgium, and we did nothing (which, come to think of it, wasn't that bad of an idea). And then WWII started up, Hitler tried to take over the world and wipe out an entire race, and we didn't do anything. Actually, we did something. Our bands made a bunch of money off of it all. So, a lot of the money was stolen from people who were later gassed by the Nazi's, but we held fast to our principle of not doing a damn thing. Neutrality forever!

I think the best thing ever said about Switzerland comes from the great Orson Welles flick "The Third Man":
`You know what the fellow said: In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love--they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.''

And the country's really boring too.

I'll try not to write anymore about baseball, but all I can say is Bob Brenly is the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Schilling should never of been pitching the start of the 7th inning....

Went to the Savoy Tivoly on saturday night for a friend's bachelor party. Haven't been there in years and as I'm older and don't frequent bars like that anymore, I was never more aware of the fact that the place is just a big ole meat market. At one point this guy walks in, with immacutely coiffed hair who was wearing a polo shirt with a white sweater wrapped around his neck. Talk about hanging curve balls (ooops, sorry for the baseball illusion). So many comments overwhelmed me, I couldn't even begin. The only thing I was able to get out of my mouth was this, that he obviously had forgotten that James Spader usually was portrayed as the bad guys in all the 80's movies.

Damn kids these days, were too young to truly appreciate just how awful the '80s were.....

Just got back from an all day meditation session. It's all part of this Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Program that I signed up on recommendation of my doctors. Today's class was about six hours of meditating, stretching, breathing, visualizing and "getting in touch with your body." I do feel better, more relaxed right now. More centered and at ease. But after six hours of all that visualizing your breath, reciting things like "I want to be mentally healthy" and trying to get in touch with your inner peacefulness, all I want to do right now is crank some Van Halen.

Yeah, we're runnin' a little bit hot tonight
I can barely see the road from the heat comin' off of it
You reach down, between my legs
Ease the seat back

She's blinding, I'm flying
Right behind the rear-view mirror now
Got the feeling, power steering
Pistons popping, ain't no stopping now

Aaaahhhhhhhh

Alright, one more things before I go….

There's someone running for election in San Francisco with the name Luigi Barassi. I think he's running for some really unimportant city position, the kind of position nobody cares about but actually has a lot to do with things that actually affect us. Anyways, everytime I see a flyer for him, I'm totally fascinated by his name. On the one hand, I admire him for running with, well, such an ethnic sounding name. Some ethnic names, after all, work much better than others (that famous deep thinker Dan Quayle once remarked that he never thought Mario Cuomo was a serious threat to win an election because "nobody would vote for anybody named Mario). On the other hand, everytime I hear his name, all I can think of is that he's sleeping with the fishes.

Few notes about Game 6 of the World Series. Didn't mean to write so much about baseball, but Jesus Fucking Christ, the past two games have been unbelievable. Baseball, at it's best is a big, huge fat oversized opera and the past two games have been pure Wagner, except not in German and with no fat lady signing. Yet.

Oh, by the way, I, once again, didn't watch the game. Or at least missed the ending as I had a soccer game. This is just from what I read and saw over and over on the highlights. I swear I'm not going to miss a second of the next two games. Well, I have to miss part of Game 6, but you get my point.

1) Two words sum up the Yankees: fucking unbelievable. Just fucking unbelievable. I wrote earlier how hard it is to root for them because they win in such a coldly and efficiently way that they're no fun. It's like, as someone once said, rooting for IBM. An even better analogy came from someone on ESPN.com who compared them to the Borg. After the past couple of games, you just have to give them their props. I'm awed and I'm sure a lot of other die-hard Yankee haters are too. They are nothing except the ultimate team and in this day and age, that's considered boring. People rooted for the Bulls because of Jordan and only because of Jordan. The Yankees are Jordan.

2) I think the picture of BK Kim squatting on the mound after giving up Brosius home run is one of the saddest pictures I've ever seen related to sports. You even can see that afterwards, when he was being consoled by his teammates, that he looked to be on the verge of crying. Poor kid. I feel so bad for him. In the space of 24 hours, he looses two games, two World Series games in just horrible, gut-wrenching ways. Not only that, the poor kid is 22, barely speaks English and as the first Korean born player to make it to the World Series, has a whole country rooting for him. I hope that when this is all over and if the Yankees win, Kim doesn't go down as the goat. I really hope he doesn't become another Buckner or Williams or Scott Norwood, players who unfairly have become associated by blowing it. In fact, it would be really classy if the Arizona fans give him a huge standing ovation before the next game.

In a way, he's really lucky. The D-Backs aren't a real team and don't play in a real sports town. If anybody cares, really cares about them in Phoenix, I'd be surprised. Which is good for Kim. Just imagine how bad it would be if he played for a New York team, or for the Phillies or, good heavens, the Red Sox. I think if he played for the Red Sox and all of this happened to them, I think the entire collective Red Sox nation would be committing suicide en masse. They chased Buckner out of town and it wasn't really his fault the Sox lost. Imagine what they'd do to poor Kim

3) For the record, I thought Brenly was pretty ballsy in having Schilling pitch Game 4 and made the right call. Same with taking him out at the end of the 7th. There was no way, however, that Kim should have been pitching the 10th. As for whether he should have pitched in Game 5, who knows?

4) One of the best parlor games in baseball is if you were a baseball player, what would your theme song be? Every ball player has their theme song now, even the lackey minor league call up whose just filling out the string on the second to last game of the season. I'm not sure what mine would be (although always thought "Brickhouse" would be kind of cool because "Brickhouse" is always cool) , but I do know that the all-time coolest one is the playing of the opening of "Baba O'Riley" for Paul O'Neill whenever he comes up to bat for the third time (why the third time?). It's usually late in the game, the game is close and O'Neill, who is the heart of soul of the Yankees team, always seems to be coming up for an important at-bat. He appears, the song starts, and the place just rocks. They always seem to let him stand there, letting the place roar just enough so the infamous three chords can be played a few times (which, is, of course, one of the reasons every game seems to last forever). And while you can say a lot of things about Yankees fans, besides the fact it's pretty fucking easy to root for them, the standing ovation for him in the bottom of the ninth, accompanied by the endless chanting of his name, was one of the most incredible, classy things I've ever seen or heard of at a sporting event. I have no idea how he managed to get through the inning without breaking down there and then. Both are goosebump moments (that is, if I actually watched the game and saw it. I would of so loved to of been at Yankees stadium for those games).

5) Fox just sucks. They should have their license to show sporting events revoked on account of being lame. Any network that makes a point of showing Tom Arnold in the stands should lose their broadcasting license. And it's not really a big, important baseball game anyways without Bob Costas. Fox should of shelled out the big bucks to get him, like they did with Madden & Summeral when they got the NFL from CBS way back when.

6) Okay, I love baseball. It's my favorite sport by far. Which puts me in the minority, especially for my age. To me, baseball is part of me and I'm part of it- my attachment to it is deep and (sadly) unconditional. True baseball fans can see the game almost mystically and that's how I can see it. To the average fan, it's just a game, but to the serious fan (the kind who actually get misty going to they're first game at Wrigley Field and seeing Harry Carrey pop out of the window to lead the crowd in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" - which I didn't do, but I'm just using it as an example and the wind was blowing towards us that day and I think I got some sand in my eyes), there's so much more going on. It's like when you watch a game, you see things and understand things that other people just can't see or feel. And when you understand it, you know that baseball is truly unique, a sport unlike any other.

The past couple of games have proven it, shown just what makes baseball so special. These series games have incredible subtext, a tragic figure, managing decisions that will be debated and talked about forever, so many compelling figures involved, and more incredible endings than any soap opera. Here it is, three games played in the sport's most hallowed grounds involving the most storied and successful franchise in sports, set against the backdrop of the tragic events on Sept. 11th, just 12 miles from the stadium. And here we have the three time defending World Series champion probably playing together for the last time, and with their backs against the wall yet again. Facing them are a young team with awful purple uniforms, but with two of the best pitchers to ever pitch, both of them who are completely likeable, total warriors, and certainly the toughest challenge ever thrown at the champs. And twice, just on the verge of defeat, the defending champs rallied to win.

As a series builds and develops, it unfolds like a movie- themes, plots, subtexts develop slowly , building and building towards it's climax. Usually, it doesn't really turn into much, like last year or the year before, but everyone once in awhile, it folds into something completely magical. This series has been magical.

No other sport ends with such drama as baseball. Take last night's game. For much of it, the Yankees were completely asleep, unable to do much of anything but stay in the game. Then somehow, a hit here, a hit there, they're back in it. And there's nothing as dramatic as a late inning. The flash, the anticipation, followed by either sheer exhilaration and celebration or total, devastating heartbreak. I'm not saying that the same isn't true of football (as a Browns fan, I know all about sport heartbreaks) or basketball, but nothing quite has the sheer drama of a well-played World Series game.

Alright, back to the humour…..

Just saw an article in the NY Times about vehicle sales being the highest ever for October. Wanna bet most of those sales were not for small, fuel efficient vehicles? Typical, just typical. Here we are in a really ugly situation, one partly caused by our overreliance on oil and we're all off buying gas-guzzling SUV's. Didn't someone once say "ask not what the country do for you, but what you can do for your country?" You can just see Dick and W. giving speeches about how much we need to ween ourselves off of oil and gas-guzzling cars. Right......

Typical baseball luck, they have a game for the ages, the kind of game that shows off what it is that makes baseball so incredible,yet it's on Halloween night so nobody's watching. Even when something good happens to the game, it gets screwed up anyways. Needless to say, I missed the game. Went to bed the night of Game 6 in '86 and missed that too.

And today's political note is on the supposed FBI Warning about being on High Alert for Terrorist Threats. I really do hope it was based on serious and credible evidence. My theory is that Bin Laden and all his cronies are just sitting around their cave, bored to death because it's not like they can really leave their cave and deciding to have a little fun with us. So one of Bin Laden's flunkies thinks it'll be really fun to watch us squirm, so makes a prank call and then next thing you know, Ashcroft is on tv, with that I'm trying really hard not to look totally overwhelmed and scared look of his, giving us warnings. And meanwhile, they're yucking it up in that cave of theirs, like a bunch of bored teenagers who just phoned in a bomb threat.

Today's Halloween (duh) and I'm feeling kind of humbuggish about the holiday this year. Usually, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, or at least my favorite holiday that doesn't involve lots and lots of eating. It's basically just an excuse to be really silly and get all decked out and get a little crazy. I'm always a little down for that.

This year, I don't know. Maybe it's the whole unemployment thing. Not working tends to make one all apathetic and ambivelant about everything. All that isolation and all the strength it takes not to be freaking out about unemployment tends to make one that way. Then there's the fact that every day is so much like the other- an endless string of days straight out of "Groundhog's Day"- that it's hard to get excited about any particular day. When you're unemployed, every day is the same.

On the other hand, it could also do something with the fact that I don't have any great parties to go to.

So ESPN.com is one of my favorite sites online. It's got an amazing array of writers, including Hunter Thompson and David Halberstam, and what seems like an unlimited budget to do whatever they want. Unfortunately, their Web developers have loaded up the site with so many bells and whistles that it often crashes my computer. Considering I have a top of the line iMac and a halfway decent (free) dial-up service, I should be lucky.

They got animated bobble-head dolls popping out of pages, ad banners galore, those little tabs that let you choose parts of the site (which always tries to lead you to the stuff you have to pay for by the way) and links galore. But all of that stuff just screws up my computer. Which is one of my pet peeves about Online life- Web Developers who throw as much crap as possible on a Web sites just because they can. Just because they all have T3 lines doesn't necessarily mean we all do. Isn't one of the basic rules of Web design & development not to overwhelm the site with so many bells & whistles that people can't download a page? Even I know that rule and I don't know that much about Web Development. Or maybe it's not a rule, but it should be a rule.

Even worse, the site seems to have some sort of connection now to the MSN network. I don't know whether it's just because I use Hotmail, which MSN seems to think means I want to be part of their stupid MSN network, and some cookie is reading it and adding all that gibberish. Or, it could be that somehow Disney and MicroSoft are now in cahoots over something and that's even scarier. Kind of like Stalin hooking up with Hitler during WWII (well, not that bad, but you get my point). What sign it is of the upcoming apocolypse I don't know......

So there's a local columnist who I like, Laurel Wellman, who used to do Dog Bites in the SF Weekly. When she was doing Dog Bites, she was bloody brilliant. Now she's working for the Chron and getting to do the big column on Page 2. No, she's not as funny as she used to be and the column's not as good as Dog Bites, but the world's not as funny anymore.

Anyways, I sent her a letter saying that I liked an essay of hers criticizing the anti-war movement (the letter I wrote to her is almost exactly like the one posted below). She sent me a really nice e-mail thanking me for my support and told me it was a really thought out piece. So today I get the paper, get some tea from Muddy Waters, sit back and read the paper and as I turn to Laurel's column, I notice that I'm quoted in the first couple of paragraphs. Nearly spit the entire cup of tea all over the sofa. It's quite a shock to open the paper and see you're name there, right there, on page 2.

Saw "Mullholland Drive" over the weekend. All I can say is, huh?

I think that's the point of David Lynch movies anyways, to make you leave the theater going "huh?" but being dazzled by the "huhness." Which is also why he always seems to get good reviews, because the critics can't understand it either, so they think it has to be good.

While baseball is my favorite sport, I am not that excited about this World Series. In fact, I haven't been really into the playoffs at all. While some of it is because my Giants aren't in it, for some reason, playoffs seem anti-climatic. It's like the season is this great, big, overstuffed novel or movie and the playoffs are kind of a tacked on prologue after the climax. Or maybe it's because it always ends with the inevitable victory by the Yankees who neither have a great rival to keep you interested (like they did in the '50's against the Brooklyn Dodgers) or superstars to compel you to watch (like the Bulls with Jordan or the Lakers with Shaq and Kobe). Instead, they just win. Boringly, efficiently, bloodlessly. Yawn. And I just can't root for the D-Backs. Can't root for a store-bought, brand new expansion team with no history, lousy fans and the worst uniforms in baseball. What's up with that? Purple and coral green? Who'se bright idea was that? And they have at least four or five different variations of the same uniform, as if they knew they had ugly uniforms, but thought that if they would keep on trying out new variations of them, they'd eventually either find one that works or that nobody would notice how ugly they are.

I went to go mail off my unemployment form and needed to buy stamps, so I went to the local Mailbox Etc places. It is run by a muslim couple, the woman in full head-gear, and the stamps they gave me was a quote from the Qu'ran in Arabic. I sent it off to the Unemployment Agency, but I wonder. Because the stamp is something in Arabic, am I about to scare the hell out of the poor postal worker? Even worse, when I put the form in, I did it wrong, so had to reopen the envelope so the lip is slightly torn. Will my letter be x-rayed, sniffed at and tested before it's opened? Will my form ever make it to the Unemployment Office? Am I about to get a visit by the FBI?

Two bits for today:

1)"The Daily Show" started off their news segment with a running joke about how much they want to make fun W. but can't because, well, we're at war and all that. Heh. I miss those days when W. was dumb. Or at least, we could make fun of it because the thought of it was too terrifying.

2)There's a new movie out featuring Joey and Lance from N'Sync (and yes, it is scary that I know that). The plot is that Lance sees some woman, falls in love with her at first site, and spends the entire movie trying to chase her down. Interesting that they use that plot and they use Lance considering he's the one who's rumoured by the gay one. Hmmm.......

I got nothing else to say today. I'm just so excited that it's "Fashion Week" on VH1 that I'm unable to do much of anything.

My walkman has presets for the radio part. I do not like presets on musical devices. I think this is one of those technological inventions that the makers add because they think it's cool only because it's some sort of technological doo-hicky and now we are forced to live with it. The reason I don't like it is because I'm a channel flipper. I can't listen to only one station all day and I refuse to sit through commercials. I am a radio programmers worst nightmare. Anyways, I hate the presets because I can only preset my walkman to five stations. While I like the five stations, I would like to be able to get more. It's like being forced into having presets for cable. Yes, you can get by with 10 or 12 preset tv statitions, but when you're flipping around, you just might miss a juicy documentary on the History channel or "The Great Escape" on TBS. That's what I feel about having to have presets, that I might be missing something on a channel that I'd really like to hear.

The walkman I have, however, isn't quite content with just letting me have the presets. It also makes a little beep whenever I change the channel. I do not know why the beep is necessary. Is it to let me know that the device knows what I want and is doing it? Which is great and all, but I think that if I was changing the channel because Blink-182 or Sum-41 or whatever lame-ass bubble-gum punk band is on the radio and all of a sudden I hear Sarah Maclachlan or Van Halen, I think I'd know that a change was made. Meanwhile, because I'm a flipper, I'm sitting there on the bus, beeping away on my walkman. Beep...beep...beep....beep. I'm sure it's driving the people sitting next to me crazy. It'd drive me crazy. In fact, some woman was sitting next to me yesterday on the bus and changed seats half-way during the ride and the only reason why I think she did it was because I was sitting there, beeping away. Stupid walkman.

PS- I think the moment Bernie Williams hit the home-run last night in the bottom of the 8th, I knew it was over. I think everyone knew that it was over then. Considering that it's 4-0 Yanks at this very moment, I think Seattle knew it was over too.

Damn Yankees. Resistance IS futile.....

As we all know, San Francisco is a weird place. Which is why we all love it so. Because of it, though, it seems like the loudest, harshest voices are those of the anti-war movement. It’s especially true of where I’m living now, in the Mission. Everywhere I walk, there’s posters or graffiti calling for Peace or something that attacks America. Some are rather tame, like about Teach-Ins or quotes from Gandhi, but some are rather provocative, like the poster showing one of the planes slamming into the WTC with the phrase "Got Terrorism? End the Empire." There was another thing of graffiti that I saw that was something along the lines of "Go ahead and wave the flag of the leading terrorist nation in the world."

For some reason it’s really getting under my skin. It’s not necessarily because of the naiveté of some of the arguments (you know, that if we ask the Taliban really, really nicely and say pretty please with sugar on top, they’ll hand over bin Laden). It’s the tone that's associated with it. That if you support some sort of war effort you’re, at best, a victim of group think brought on by blind allegiance to the government and brainwashed by the mainstream media or, worse, a racist, warmonger. I deeply resent that. I consider myself fairly well informed (maybe more so than a lot of the people marching out in the streets), a pretty bright person and have a mind of my own. I think it’s a natural conclusion to draw that if some fanatic with a lot of money and followers declares war on you and turns four hijacked planes into missiles, killing 5,000 people that it probably makes sense to go into Afghanistan and get them. So, what if I get most of my information from CNN, the New York Times, Washington Post, and the Chron? What information am I missing? What is it that I don’t know or what lives have I bought into? Hell, the "Daily Show" spent most of last night’s show interviewing the Newsweek reporter who wrote that story about anti-American rage in the Middle East. He thinks we’re doing the right thing and he seems pretty bright. Is there something he doesn’t know? Has he been brainwashed too? And Tim Redmond, the editor of the Bay Guardian keeps on calling against the bombing, but Tom Friedman of the New York Times supports it. Redmond edits a weekly, free alternative paper that regularly rails about how Yuppies are ruining San Francisco. Friedman has covered the Middle East for years, lived there and has interviewed or talked too a lot of people who are now involved in what's going on. Now, why should I listen to Redmond over Friedman? Is Redmond more enlightened than Friedman is?

I don’t know. When I walk down the streets, I find myself wanting to tear down posters or write counter-graffiti. I find myself muttering things like "well, if you think this country is so awful, why don’t you move elsewhere" or "damn, dirty hippies." And I don’t like it. Sometimes I think that maybe I should start a group like "Liberals for War" or "Liberals With Our Heads Not Stuck Up Our Asses" and march in the streets just to show people that it’s okay to be liberal and intelligent yet support what we’re doing. But, of course, nobody would actually want to march in support of war or people dying. So the only voices you hear are that of the anti-war effort.

I'm just not sure I'm the one who drank the cool-aid.

And on a lighter note- why don't they just get Phoebe & Joey together? Everybody knows it's coming, it's the only couple they haven't gotten together yet. Maybe they're just how pathetic it'll look that all six characters wind up with each other.

Went for a swim at the Y this morning and the radio they have there started playing that song "Stuck in the Middle of You" by Steel Wheels (I think). For some reason, it cracked me up. I mean, here I am, at the Y, in the morning, swimming with mainly a bunch of old, fat Russian women and all I can think of is Mr. Blonde getting medieval on that poor cop in "Resovior Dogs." I wonder if the guys in Steel Wheels are ambivelant about that song being used. On the one hand, it probably revived the song and got it played a lot more. On the other hand, you can't hear it without thinking about somebody's ear getting sliced off.

When I lived in the Haight, I used to shop at Cala Foods, kind of a poor-man's Safeway. Now that I've moved, the closest place to shop is Safeway. As a store, I love Safeway. It rocks. When I first walked in and had various employees actually say hi to me and ask if they could help me with anything, I felt like crying. Cala Foods was kind of run down and you could at least count on at least one or two really smelly drunken homeless types to be either in front or behind you at the check out line.

Everytime I go to the checkout counter at Safeway, though, they always ask me if I have a Safeway Club Card. The card machine they have there is even geared towards the club card, so if your using just your lowly ATM card, you have to go through several more steps to enter the card. Whenever they ask me and I tell them no, they always tell me that I should and how much money I'd save by getting one.

I don't want one. I don't care about it and I don't like the idea of it. I know they say it's just a card and they don't do anything with it, but I don't trust them. No matter what they say, your name is still logged in somewhere, your purchases recorded and information is tallied. It's just a little too Big Brotherish for me.

Yet, since I've been going to Safeway, I've also been noticing that my groceries are a lot more expensive than they used to be. $20 to $30 bucks more at a time. And with every more expensive bill, comes that question from the checkout counter person "do you want a Club Card? You could save a lot more money...."

So I wonder, does Safeway jack up the prices on a regular basis, just to force people into getting the club card. Is this what I get for not wanting to be statistically analyzed and recorded? Are they basically screwing me over just to force me into getting me one of their damn cards?

Next time I go, I think I'm going to get a Safeway Club Card

So apparently, due to everything that's been going on, Drew Barrymore wouldn't attend a premiere of her new movie. And Rosie O'Donnell, who does her show live in the NBC building, packed up and isn't taping her show this week. Christy Turlington has supposedly cancelled her wedding and Ben Stiller wouldn't travel to NY to do SNL. Can you say chicken shits?

I don't know what's lamer about it, the fact that they're obviously doing what we are not supposed to be doing- giving in to fear. Or the fact that they're so self-absorbed that they think they'd be victim of of some sort of
Anthrax/terrorist threat (well, Rosie, maybe, but only because she's annoying as hell). Do they really think that somewhere, out in the cave where Osama bin Laden is hanging out, there's some sort of conversation between Osama and his minions (including, of course, Bert) along the lines of this: "you know, this infidel Christi Turlington is always appearing half naked on the cover of such American dog magazines like "Vogue," which I can show you as soon as Mullah Omar gives it back to me. Maybe, Allah willing, we can strike fear into the hearts of the scantily-clad infidels by having one of our martyrs blow up her wedding and whatever overly chiseled hunky guy she's marrying? What's that Mullah Abdul, it's Ed Burns? Wasn't he dating Heather Graham? Praise be Allah, what I'd do for a recent copy of People Magazine."

Let's face it, if Hollywood had to endure anything like the London Blitz, the only one's left in Hollywood would be the stars' illegal immigrant gardeners (the nannies, of course, would go to with the stars to their bunkers in Wyoming).

We are being tested like we never have been and are not fairing well. I think the biggest thing we need right now would be for W. to go on air and just say something like "just, chill people." Maybe, instead of yet another benefit for the families of the terrorist attack, we should have a major concert just to get people to do just that. Something like "Chill Aid" or "Artists for the Chilling of America." Just get a couple of reggae bands, that'll work. And a trip-hop artist. Or Dave Mathews. Frat boys all across the country think he's great to chill to. Or the Eagles, my friends from college always thought they were the perfect band to kick back, smoke a joint and drink a Corona too. Because that, my friends, is exactly what this country needs right now. To kick back, smoke a joint and drink a Corona and be grateful that it could be a lot worse.

I'm totally intrigued by all the slogans and graphics that the news stations have been trotting out for our current crisis. You know, the one's that say "America at War" or something like that with all these star-spangly graphics surrounding them. There seems to be a different slogan each day. Or maybe it's because, say, CNN wants to do "America at War" but then checks out MSNBC and seeing that they've already gone with "American at War," decides they have to come up with they're own, original slogan. Or maybe it just changes depending on the story. Like if it's about the anthrax scare, it's "America on Edge" but when they switch to pictures of flighter planes taking off, it's "America Attacks." I haven't figured it out yet.

Of course, meetings are held to decide all this stuff. At some point, the production team sat down and pitched slogans to each other and decided to call their coverage. They sat there throwing ideas back and forth to see what works best- maybe "America Strikes Back" or "America at War" or maybe even "America Opens up a Can of Whump-Ass." And you know too, that somebody's kind of proud of the work they did on the graphics or coming up with the slogan and is putting it on they're resume as we speak. Sometime in the future, somebody's going to be in an interview and saying "you remember that graphic for MSNBC, the one for "America Kicks Some Taliban Booty?' that was me. I came up with that."

Actually, the best one I've seen was on the Daily Show (of course). It's slogan for the news coverage concerning our past Anthrax anxiety filled weekend was "America Freaks Out." My favorite one, though, has to be the Onion's "Holy Fucking Shit." That just seemed to pretty much sum it all up.

Today's Musing:

A week ago I saw something I had never seen before. Somebody on the 33 Ashbury, which goes through the Castro, had these blocks or something implanted in his bald skull. he then took what hair he had, died a strand blue, and then twisted them together and had them coming out of each block. From the back of his head, it looked like he was just wearing crokies backwards. I kind of wanted to reach over and yank them just for the fun of it because, well, it's one of those things where at some point, that person is going to wake up and realize what an idiot he looks like, but I didn't. In some ways, I was kind of happy to see it. After all, the whole body mutiliation thing was so 90's and here was someone who was not only still mutiliating himself in this day and time, but had come up with an entirely new thing.

Bravo.....

I guess.